I Got Rid Of Instagram—And This Is How My Life Changed

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As I mindlessly scrolled past stylish outfits, perfect sunsets, and a new *unique* take on avocado toast—I thought to myself what the EFF am I doing?  We all do it. Curate our feeds so they look just the right amount of fun, relaxed, and exciting. But WHY?

When I first downloaded Instagram I had a crappy iPhone and followed mainly friends and funny memes. Fast-forward a few years and a lot of lifestyle bloggers/celebrities later: I discovered my relationship with the app had become pretty unhealthy. I found myself reaching for my phone and scrolling whenever I had a free minute—and even when I didn’t. I realized I was wasting far too much of my time giving myself a thumb cramp and a complex about why my life isn’t as beautiful as @InsertNameHere. I decided to delete the app from my phone a few days before 2018 began. Here’s what I learned.


I  learned that without distractions, you can get a lot done.

Because of the decision to put down my phone and decide to be more present, I finished four books in as many weeks. Don’t get me wrong I’m an avid reader normally, but it felt great to use my brain for something that enriched my life instead of hurt it. I stopped wasting countless hours scrolling and I used my time on something more productive.


I stopped planning my life around photo opps.

After deleting Instagram, I realized I hadn’t been doing things because I wanted to—but instead because of how good that thing would look in the Nashville filter. I rearranged things in my life for the ‘gram more often than I care to admit. This lighting is wrong. Wait, this napkin doesn’t look casually thrown near that pretty plate of food. Is the ice cream dripping correctly? It feels good to want to do activities because they’re fun. I went to a beautiful brunch place for one of my favorite meals and I didn’t post a pic, but you know what? The food was just as good. Maybe better.


I realized it’s nice not knowing what everyone is doing all the time.

I had FOMO in middle school before there was even a word for it. My family lived in the country and my friends lived in town, so they would frequently be able to walk over to each other’s houses and hang out and it would upset me to NO END. You would think that 15+ years and some perspective would change that sentiment, but alas I have not grown very much. It’s so nice to be on my couch watching TV and not worrying about the concert so and so went to or the vacation whats-her-name is on. Sometimes you don’t have plans and that’s just fine.


I saved money because I wasn’t trying to impress anyone with fancy lattes or cute outfits.

What does Instagram have to do with money? Whether I’m spending money on a latte with a pretty design or clicking liketoknowit because I just HAVE to have that sweater (some style blogger with a totally different body type than me) is wearing, I have definitely wasted my fair share of money because of Instagram. Now that I don’t have the app I am certainly shopping less and only buying things when I decide that I want them, not because some style blogger tells me I just NEED this outfit.


I miss memes tho, so I might up re-joining for the laughs… not the likes.

I think if I’m going to rejoin the Instagram community it will be for the memes and the pups. Life should be full of more moments that make you laugh, so if I find the self-control to cleanse my feed of all of the accounts that make me feel bad—I’ll be back.


Life’s not perfect, even though it may look that way on Instagram. It has been a great thing for me to take a break from constantly consuming this type of content and I highly recommend it if you’re looking for a way to have a more positive outlook on your own life. Just because it doesn’t look good aesthetically, doesn’t mean it should mean or matter less.

27 Valentine’s Day Cards From The ’90s That Will Give You Intense Elementary School Flashbacks

Valentine’s Day has never been easy. As a twentysomething, if you’re not in a relationship, you probably dread or ignore the holiday since you don’t have a Valentine yourself. If you’re kind of seeing someone (but not really) Valentines Day is awkward because, umm, do you get them anything or not? And if you’re in a relationship, you have to either rush to dinner after work or postpone the holiday. And are you supposed to wear red or pink during the day at work? Or is that too cliche? You probably wish you could go back to the ‘easy’ days of elementary school when all you had to do was exchange Valentines with each other… but, my friends, you must remember – it wasn’t that easy!

First of all, the boxes of V-day cards came with, like, a certain number of cards and everyone in your class had to get one. You couldn’t get a box with 31 Valentine’s saying ‘You’re cool’ and 1 Valentine saying ‘I really like you!’ It didn’t work like that. So you had to sit down on the floor in front of these cards and decide which ones you were going to give to which people. You couldn’t give your crush a card that was too obvious! And you didn’t want to give someone random – or even worse, someone of the same sex – a mushy card. But you had to give them all out, no matter what. And they basically all said ‘Be my Valentine!’ or something along those lines. It was such a dilemma.

Not everyone dealt with this dilemma though. Remember getting cards from guys who had amazing penmanship? Yeah, that probably wasn’t their writing. Like, you actually thought their parents weren’t involved?! I highly doubt every 8 year old boys was out there signing and sealing their cards… they just did the deliver part. They were too busy playing with their power rangers and mutilating their sisters’ barbies (the hair!!! where is the hair?!) to spend time writing stupid cards to stupid girls (COOTIES… THE FEAR LIVES ON).

We read into the messages on our Valentine’s Day cards like we read into texts now: way. too. much. But we really shouldn’t have cared. It’s not like so-and-so gave us a Valentine for a reason. They gave it to us because they had to. And if it said they liked you, *newsflash:* so did all the other cards. Or did they…

Here are a bunch of v-day cards you definitely will remember from the 90s and who I would give them to now:

1. For the guy who looks like cute from behind, but not from the front:

2. For the random girl who sits across the room:

3. For the drama queen:

4. For the fat kid:

5. For the cool kid (I am, like, sooo cool too. I have Barbie Valentines!):

6. For the ex (you jealous?):

7. For the anorexic one (It comes with a pack of Nerds — eat them!):

8. For the one you don’t like:

9. For the crush (they’ll never guess you like them with this Valentine… they’ll just think you’re cool):

10. For the guy you’ve never spoken to:

11. For the class hottie (she’ll take you on a ride alright):

12. Also for the class hottie… the one you fantasize about:

13. For the boy who sits 3 desks down (#Random):

14. For the loner:

15. For the Asian:

16. For the one you’re not so sure about:

17. For the teacher:

18. For no one. This one would most likely be left in the box because it’s WAYYY too… forward:

19. For the BFF who stays up laughing all night with you at sleepovers:

20. For the rich kid:

21. For the most popular girl in class (the second most if that’s you):

22. For the guys… from the future class lesbian:

23. This one actually has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day (but you gotta love the Powerpuff Girls):

24. This one also has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day (there aren’t even any hearts — I don’t get it):

25. I would never send this, but would get it from the guy whose parents were stuck in the 80s:

26. I would also never send this one, but it would be from one of the nerdy guys in class (like, I actually remember getting this):

27. For the BFFAEAEAEAEs (lylas):

Do you remember any of the above Valentines? Which were your faves? Do kids, like, even do this anymore? Or no because everyone would have to get the same message on their cards and everyone is allergic to candy… and probably paper, too? Fucking kids these days. Bring back the 90s!

Here Are All The Fucks I’ve Stopped Giving In My 20s

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I gave way too many fucks in my 20s. I would say the past nine years were a ‘fuck-giving-fest,’ but that sounds sexual. And I’m pretty sure I thought more about what people thought about me than I thought about having sex. Pathetic, right? Yes.

The fucks I gave ranged from the way I looked to the clothes I wore. They haunted me at the bar, where I cared too much about the ages of everyone around me, and they followed me to the office where I cared way too much about work in general. I was a fuck-giving machine and there was honestly no stopping me—until one day something hit me and I just stopped caring. Okay, well, I guess I didn’t STOP caring. I just stopped caring about the little things and other people and started caring about me and my happiness.

Literally the only thing I recommend you do before turning 30 is stop giving ‘fucks.’ There is no place for fucks in adulthood. Below you’ll find all the fucks I stopped giving in my 20s. Now you can stop giving them, too, and join me here in adulthood. It’s lit. (Did I use that right? Lol, jk, I don’t give a fuck.)


1. The FOMO Fuck

From the 2nd grade to age 27, I couldn’t stand the thought of people doing things without me. I rarely asked myself if I wanted to do things. I only asked if I wanted to do what everyone else was doing. FOMO (fear of missing out) consumed me. I saw movies I had no interest in because my friends were going. I went to expensive dinners and bars when I was broke because I didn’t want to miss a night out. Years later, I finally realized I didn’t have to do shit I didn’t want to do in order to have friends. WOW, WHAT A CONCEPT, I KNOW. I started saying no to dinner plans when I preferred to eat at home instead. I started turning down invites to vacations when I didn’t have the money. I became a new person who could stay home on the couch without fearing that everyone else was out having fun without me and would never talk to me again because of it. Instead, I now spend my time doing the things I love and I still have friends and a social life. IT’S GLORIOUS.


2. The Strict Diet Fuck

In the 10th grade, I went on my first diet. It was called ‘don’t eat breakfast, eat a bagel for lunch, and starve until dinner.’ After this diet didn’t work, I decided to eat the world instead. Then, I discovered alcohol and literally expanded 13 sizes. This brought me to my first strict diet where I allowed myself only a very tiny, unrealistic amount of calories a day. My bad dieting habits continued until I got to my late 20s, realized nothing was working anymore, and came to terms with the fact that this is me and I LOOK FINE. Sure, I can try to lose weight. Sure, I can eat healthy. But I don’t NEEEEED to—so I’ve stopped giving a fuck about doing so. I feel fine, and for the first time potentially ever, I like me. ALL IS GOOD FAM.


3. The Having-a-Filter Fuck

I’ve always lived in constant fear of saying the “wrong thing” out loud. This led to me stay quiet in class through college, except when I read the Sparknote versions of the Shakespeare books because ain’t no confidence booster like a Sparknotes confidence booster. But there were no Sparknotes for life, so I kept quiet about pretty much everything else. I feared putting my creative ideas out there. I feared talking about subjects I wasn’t 110% knowledgable about. I feared embarrassing myself. But now IDGAF—and it’s awesome. What I’ve come to find after writing on the Internet for seven years is that the more you worry about what you’re going to say, the more time you’re wasting. You’ve got to put yourself out there. Writing helped me realize I am good at something (I think???). If I didn’t put myself out there, I wouldn’t have the career I have or the life I have. I wouldn’t be the PERSON I am now, either.  I am now comfortable with saying crazy shit out loud to everyone because guys, I AM ONE CRAZY MOTHER FUCKER. DON’T @ ME.


4. The Shots Fuck

IF I DON’T WANT TO TAKE A SHOT, I’M NOT TAKING A SHOT. IF I’M NOT FEELING WINE TONIGHT, I’M NOT GOING TO HAVE A WINE. IF I DON’T WANT TO HAVE VODKA RN, I’M NOT GOING TO HAVE VODKA. I don’t give a fuck what you think if I’m not drinking. Back in the day, I cared. But now, I don’t. I drink when I want to drink, and everyone else should do the same. The peer pressure we put on others to drink in social situations is honestly not okay. So plz, leave me alone and let me do me, bye.


5. The Wearing Makeup Fuck

I cannot believe there was once a time where I put on a full face of makeup every morning. Like I would actually take time in the morning to put on foundation, bronzer, eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara. Every once in a while, it’s fun and exciting to glam it up in the AM when I have a work event or *gasp* plans, but let’s be serious here—that rarely happens. 90% of days I roll into work, sit on my computer for 8 consecutive hours, go to a work out class, and then sit on the couch for the rest of the night. NO MAKEUP IS NEEDED IN THIS SCENARIO. NONE. So why should I wear it? Do I give a fuck if my co-workers and society see me as the person I really am every day? No, so I’m not going to wear it.


6. The Needing Going Out Clothes Fuck

Two years ago I thought I was over my ‘going out clothes’ phase because I had more casual stuff in my closet than ‘going out’ dresses and blouses. But then my closet became 99% sweaters and cotton t-shirts, and I started wearing sweaters to bars. When I started going out in ‘non-going-out-clothes,’ I would panic after 11pm when encountering girls dressed to KILL in the bathroom in their crop tops, super ripped jeans, and see-through body suits. It made me feel ancient and then I would get nostalgic for the days when I would wear dresses to dive bars. But, uh, why the fuck was I dressing up to go to sports bars??? I would never want to do that again. The minute I realized I valued comfort more than looking like an overdressed idiot, I got over the ‘going out clothes’ thing. I’ll dress to kill for your wedding and bach party, but that’s about it, bye.


7. The Making Everyone Like Me Fuck

Ever since I was in elementary school I’ve been obsessed with getting people to like me. I don’t know why it was so important to me, but I literally thought I had to bring candy around with me to make friends and donuts to summer camp when I was a counselor to get campers to like me. Humor was always important to me—but to the point where I thought I had to turn everything into a joke because if people thought I was funny, they would like me, right? Anything remotely serious, I had to turn it into a joke. I still do this today, but now it’s to get the internet to like me. While I still do give a fuck about this, I don’t give a fuck if people don’t like me. I learned that it’s OKAY if everyone doesn’t like you—and that helped me be myself, and honestly I might be funnier now? If I’m even funny? Basically I learned people will either love you or hate you, and I’d rather be LOVED by a few people than ‘liked’ by a bunch, even if that comes with h8ers. As Kevin G said, ‘don’t let the haters keep you from doing your thang.’ BITCH I WON’T.


8. The I’m Too Old For This Fuck

Age is just a mother fucking number. I don’t think I fully realized this until I was a month into 29 and came to terms with the fact I wasn’t going to accomplish all the shit on my “before 30 bucket list” before 30. But hey—that’s fine. It’s not like life ends when you turn 30. It’s not like you have to stop going after your dreams and having fun when your 20s end. I gave way too many fucks about AGE during my 20s while out at bars, in the office, and even during work out classes. I worried I was too old to do certain shit, so I became hesitant about doing it. But when I stopped giving a fuck about being too old or too young for stuff, my life changed. I do what I went when I want, without factoring age into any decisions, and I encourage you to do the same. Don’t listen to someone who tells you to do shit before 30. YOU DON’T HAVE TO ASSOCIATE STUFF WITH AGE. JUST DO YOU. YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO DO THE SHIT YOU WANNA DO, unless you’re 50 and want to start having kids because #science, but that’s fine, 50 is lightyears away. Anyway, start giving ZERO FUCKS about your age and liberate yourself from anxiety—it will free you. Really.

14 Things That Used To Be Fun On The Weekends That Sound Awful Now


Weekends have changed so much since even 2 years ago when I was 26. I have a different definition of ‘fun,’ and I am still coming to terms with the fact I have new interests. Part of me wants to like what I used to like, but part of me is TERRIFIED of what I used to like. I guess that’s growing up?

Here are 14 things I used to think were fun that I am kind of afraid of now. Kind of.


1. Going home on Friday after work to chill and THEN going out at like 10.

If I go home after work on a Friday, I am fucking home for the fucking night. Especially if I take off my pants and/or bra. I just WORKED all day. How in the world would I have time or energy to relax and then regain energy to put on clothes and socialize all before my bedtime which is, like, idk midnight for a Friday if I’m feeling ~crazy~.


2. Day drinking AND night drinking… in the same day.

I could not even do this in college, never mind after college. It was always a goal for me. I wanted to be able to hang all day and all night, but alas, I would always drink too much in a short period of time and end up face first in the toilet. I had FOMO and couldn’t stomach the thought of missing something fun and going to bed. Now I don’t really give a fuck so


3. Sleeping in and wasting a perfectly good weekend day.

Helloooo I have to go grocery shopping and to barre and maybe to Soul Cycle. I have to meal plan for the week and make MEMES for the Instagram and email people back who I keep ignoring and write shit like this. I don’t have time for a mother fucking hangover – or to sleep in with or without a hangover. No sleep till idk when k.


4. Showering, doing my hair, putting on a #face, and putting on fancy pants or a dress.

I JUST WANT TO BE IN YOGA PANTS. WITH NO BRA. AND NO WHERE TO BE. Is that too much to ask for? The whole process of showering, blow drying my hair, putting on makeup, putting on an outfit, oh my god it’s exhausting. I can’t do that now without wanting to jump out the window unless I take like five adderalls before.


5. Going out with a large group of people.

I used to think going to a bar with 30 people was fun. But in what world is going to a bar with 30 people fun? Who do you talk to? Can you talk to everyone? Do you have time to have more than a superficial conversation with anyone? Even now it’s weird when big groups go out because no one fucking cares enough to say beyond “hello” to people they don’t regularly speak to. It’s like why are we all here together as one group, would it be rude to go home and watch Netflix, would anyone notice amongst this big group of randoms if I left? *Birthdays not included*


6. Being on a mass text with a large group of people.

Every Friday I always looked forward to mass texts. It was a time I’d get to find out what everyone else was doing so I could pick the best plans for me accordingly. There would also be text notifications on my phone all day and I would feel really #popular. Over time, though, mass texts got annoying. No one answered them. They angered some people. Oh, and everyone already had plans for the weekend by Friday because we got old and old people plan shit in advance. Then it was RIP to the mass text and hello to the opposite: “please do not contact me and try to convince me to do something tonight because I really want to sit on my couch and lose weight” until someone asks what I’m doing and I end up going out and gain weight instead. Fuck.


7. Meeting new people.

I realize I am ‘only 28,’ but like I already know a lot of people. Do I need to know more people? I mean, I like meeting new people and making new friends depending on the situation. But when I’m spending time on the weekend catching up with friends, that is not the time to meet new people.


8. Interacting with people… in general.

Couch > Club.


9. Taking shots at a bar.

I’ve been afraid of shots since I took one of Goldschlager freshman year of college in someone’s dorm room and threw it back up in a trashcan. I still don’t understand the thrill of ordering ‘shots for everyone’ and taking them together as one big cult. Like cool you get drunk faster but we’re almost 30 why are we still drinking to black out? If a black out happens, oops my bad, but aren’t we past forcing them? STOP TRYING TO MAKE BLACK OUTS HAPPEN, THEY’LL HAPPEN IF THEY HAPPEN K BYE


10. Pre-gaming.

I was always a champion of the pre-game. It was a time where friends would gather and catch up before heading to a loud bar. It was a time where I could get drunk off my own booze instead of paying triple the price for the same drinks while out. I could also make sure I was drunk before going to a crowded place that is literally only fun when you’re drunk. When you stop pre-gaming, you realize that most of the shit you thought was fun, isn’t actually fun. Anyway, I don’t pre-game anymore because I’m almost 30 and I go to the bar before my pre-games used to start.


11. Ordering pizza after a night out.

Now, not only do I have no interest in sacrificing sleep to stay awake for the pizza to get here, I can’t eat that shit. I’ll drunk eat grapes or I’ll starve and spend the next 36 hours hungover. Or MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STOP DRINKING SO MUCH, I AM ALMOST 30 YEARS OLD GOD DAMNIT.


12. Skipping workouts to eat food at brunch instead.

I couldn’t, like, do both. Brunch was an all day event after sleeping off the worst of my hangover and a gateway drug into being lazy for the next 24 hours. How the fuck did I run an online magazine in my 20s? The world may never know. Anyway – I still skip workouts to eat food, but it’s not fun anymore. It’s just depressing and makes me look in the mirror and cry.


13. Becoming “hungover hungry.”

I can’t afford the calories that come after being hungover because when I’m hungover hungry, I eat all the chicken fingers and French fries I can find. It seriously fucks up my whole week. I end up neglecting strawberries and cucumbers all week because alcohol gave me that sweet taste of carbs and fried food. It can take days for me to get back to normal. Shit fucks with me, not even kidding.


14. Giving a fuck.

I used to give too many fucks. Now I don’t give any. You should try it some time. It’s liberating.

This Is Why You Have NO Excuse Not To Travel In 2018


Traveling is one of the biggest aspirations for millennials, but how many of us actually do it? Yeah, we all have that one friend who has been to 17 countries and lived in six of them, but most of us aren’t seeing even a quarter of places that we want to. So what gives?

Well, we do have a lot of excuses, but none of them are good ones. In 2018, we have no reason not to travel if we want to. Here’s why none of your excuses hold any weight come January.


It’s NOT too expensive.


OK, I know money is a big factor in traveling. Not having it is probably the first excuse that we use. I won’t lie to you, traveling can get really expensive, and it’s not like we’re drowning in money. Given that the cost of college has risen almost 300 percent in the last two decades, you’re probably struggling with a little debt right now too.  I was right after graduating– I’d prioritized living independently almost any other obligation.  So I thought traveling was something I could do after retirement.

But traveling doesn’t have to break your bank. There are tons of guides on how to travel for cheap. Pay attention to flight deals, and buy at the right time. That usually means January, depending on where you want to go, so hurry up!


You’re allowed to take time off work.

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Yes, you have work. We all have work. But ‘work’ shouldn’t be your excuse not to travel. ‘Work’ gives vacation days to people so they can travel… so take it. Millennials are notorious for not taking a vacation. We feel an intense shame for missing a couple days at the office. Some companies are forcing employees to take a break, not only because it’s good for you, but because it makes you much better employees in the long run.

But even if you don’t have a job with vacation time, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck there. Plenty of jobs can be done remotely in this day and age. Really, in-flight Wi-Fi is becoming so standard that you can do your work on the plane.  You can make money anywhere, so don’t say that you have to be at work for the next 365 days, nonnegotiable because it just isn’t true.


You can take time away from your relationships—with people and pets (yes, someone out there will take care of your dog).


You’re always going to have important people in your life. You can’t hold back your life aspirations because it might inconvenience others. If your dream trip involves you being gone for long enough that it’d actually put a strain on your relationship, then you can still figure out how to make it work. Better yet, invite them to come with!

You can’t let this be an excuse for 2018 because then it’ll still be your excuse for 2030.  I had a lot of reasons to stay in my hometown: my family, my best friends, a boyfriend… But ultimately I realized that I’d never leave my hometown if I let that hold me back.If you want to travel, you’re going to have to be OK with some distance for a little while.  You can always come back home.  That’s why it’s home.


You can’t let fear get in the way of you living life.


Traveling is scary. Even if you’re not leaving your country, being somewhere foreign and not having your bearings is unsettling. There’s comfort in the familiar, and traveling pushes you out of your element.

Despite three years of college Spanish, I’m fairly certain your average Texan toddler could hold a conversation in Spanish better than I can.  I was petrified of going to Spain and being unable to communicate even the most basic needs.  And I embarrassed myself.  A lot.  I repeated the same phrases over and over again, not realizing until later that I was saying the absolutely wrong thing.  But I also gained a lot of self confidence, because if you can be self-sufficient in a foreign country, you can do it anywhere.

It’s fine if you’re just the type of person who doesn’t want to leave their bubble, but if you’re holding back until you’re “ready,” you need to push yourself. You’re never going to be fully “ready”. That doesn’t mean book the next flight to Thailand if you’ve got crippling anxiety, but start working towards some smaller goals. Find a native speaker to practice your language skills with, travel to a different state, and remember to breathe! You can do this. Worst case scenario, familiar is only a click or a phone call away in this day and age. The longest possible flight you could have is 17 hours— not even a day away from home!

Pushing your boundaries is scary, but don’t let it stop you from seeing the world! Especially now, with the technology and connectivity that we have at our fingertips, anyone can travel if they want to. It might take some time (maybe this is just a head start on your 2019 or 2020 dream), but it’s important to take that first step.

Here’s Why 30 Is Too Old To Go On “The Bachelor” To Find Love


Hi, my name is Sam, and I think 30 is too old to go on “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” if you’re looking for a serious long-lasting relationship. But before you try to Google my current location so you can find me and kick my ass, hear me out on why.

It’s not that I think you should have already found someone by 30. I don’t think that at all. 30 is still young, and you can find love at any time. You don’t even need to find love if you don’t want to. It’s that I think you should at least be starting to get your shit together by 30, and that does not include going on this famed reality television show to find a husband or wife. HOWEVER, if you’re looking to ride the fame train to get that Instagram sponsored campaign money with the chance of maybe finding love along the way, then by all means—hit up this show. But if you’re only going on this show to get engaged within a few weeks, get married, have kids, and be with this person for-ev-er, then turn the fuck around and go home. Really.

See this whole “Bachelor/Bachelorette” lifestyle kind of delays the real world. Okay, no, it literally delays the real world. You take time away from your every day life, including YOUR JOB, to compete for love on TV. “Love” that, if you do actually win, has a small chance of actually lasting. And if you’re wondering why it doesn’t usually last? Well, you’re expected to get engaged to someone after knowing them a few weeks. Without living together or knowing what the other person is like in the real world. Like, are they always on their phone? How often do they want to have sex? Are they always busy? Do they let dishes pile up in the sink? You don’t know that. But if you win, you have to get engaged and then it becomes extremely hard to just break up as normal people would in real life, because you just “found love” in front of the whole world. I mean, you think it’s hard to break up because of what your friends on social media will think? Consider how hard it becomes with the whole world watching. You’ve gotta at least try to make your relationship work, right?

In your 20s, fine. You’re still a shit show. You’re still having fun. You’re not “in a rush” to find love. You’re just doing you. And if you’re hot enough to go on reality television to potentially date a fellow hot human and travel the world and drink free wine for a few weeks while doing you, fucking do it. But as you get older, things change. Priorities change. People grow up.

Do you really want to bet on a guy who is willing to consider dating girls in their early 20s? Do you really want to bet on a guy who you don’t get to date in the real world before deciding to be in a relationship with him (or her)? Do you really want to bet on someone who *might* be more concerned with building their social media following than finding a soulmate? Probably not, right? Wouldn’t it make more sense to date online? Meet people in your own community, who live somewhat near you? If you’re seriously trying to find someone to settle down with, wouldn’t it make more sense to date around and see multiple people at the same time before choosing one? As in take time to figure out who is right for you instead of trying to go after one thing you’re not sure about?

“The Bachelor” franchise is like transporting yourself back to middle school, where a bunch of people fight over the person everyone was made to believe is the hottest in the room. As an adult, you shouldn’t have to fight other people to get to someone you think you want. After all, there’s no “thinking” you want something in adulthood—there’s only knowing. And there’s no going after things either. If someone doesn’t feel the same way about you or something doesn’t feel right, then fuck it. NEXT. The chase is over.

If this franchise didn’t become what it is now, maybe things would be different. If the contestants were all in the same age bracket, maybe. If the contestants were hand-selected by Patti the matchmaker based on what each person is looking for in a partner, maybe. If the contestants were filled with people who had real jobs instead of Instagram models and wannabe Instagram models, maybe. But this is what it is.

In your 30s, you shouldn’t be competing for love. You should be done with that bullshit. You should be doing you. Whether or not you’re ready or want to to settle down or have kids, you don’t need a reality TV show to do so. Sure, you could meet your soulmate on ‘The Bachelor.’ Some couples from the franchise are still going strong. Some even have kids! But, most of the couples broke up… meaning if you win, there’s a big chance you could waste a few years of your life because you rushed into something with a guy who went on reality TV to date a bunch of young, hot wannabe Instagram models and it didn’t end up working out. Surprise.

So, like I said, if you’re in your 30s, and you’re super hot, and you’re not set on getting married and having kids any time soon, it’s not too late to go on ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘The Bachelorette.’ But it IS too late if you’re doing it with the hopes of actually developing an adult relationship. If marriage is something you really want, try to find a partner like an adult. Don’t delay your life. Don’t play [literal] games. Date like an adult because, uh, you are one.