Dating In Your 20s: Finding People Attractive

This always happens.

You think someone is attractive, but then you get know to them and they aren’t attractive anymore.

OR you start to date/hook up with someone who isn’t the best looking person and they slowly start to become attractive to you… but then you break up/stop hooking up with them and they aren’t attractive anymore.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

We love ourselves. And we love when other people love ourselves too – because not everyone does.

Most often, people are looking for a couple of late night hook ups with you, one date (if you’re lucky) to see if they actually like you more than just in bed, and then they pass you off to the next person to see if he/she is more compatible with you! When it comes down to it, you can’t just date someone because you are both physically attracted to one another. You have to date someone because you are both attracted to each other in a more-than-physical-way. So when you are actually attracted to someone’s personality, and they are actually into you too… you can’t just pass up that opportunity.

You have to go the distance and try to convince yourself that your new friend is actually very cute. Maybe you will start to think that after your friends comment on him/her, saying that he is “sooo cute” and that you guys look “sooooooo good” together. Usually people will say this as a nice gesture and not mean it. But regardless, if he/she really does have this winning personality, then their overly nice gestures will sweep you off your feet and looking at him/her will remind you of paradise. Therefore, you will start to think that he/she is the MOST attractive person on the planet.

So you’ve gone above and beyond and have been hooking up with (or dating) this odd looking creature for months on end. Then it happens – IT ENDS. You break up. He/she moves on to a new hook up. And you are left alone.

Your friends then start to tell you that you can do WAY better (looks wise) and that they never really liked him/her.

Oh, thanks for telling me now. When we started dating you said he was SO cute, and now you’re telling me he’s ugly?

This happens because our friends, peers, family, etc like to tell us what we want to hear. And, duh, we’re going to do everything in our power to believe it simply because it’s what we want to hear.

When you think you may actually like someone more than a 2am booty call and/or a free dinner, don’t rely on your peers to convince you that said person is attractive. Attraction is something only you can feel – and “attractive” means something totally different for everyone. I mean, Mila Kunis dated Macaulay Culkin for 8 years… talk about a wayyyyyy better looking girl with a wayyyyyy less attractive guy. She must have been happy though! 8 years is a long time.


Looks aren’t everything… but at least when a less attractive person breaks up with you, stops responding to your text messages, and never invites you over again at 3 am… you at least know that they were never really attractive (to you).

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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