To Defriend… or Not to Defriend?

Defriending people on Facebook is a rush – let me tell you.

It is always interesting to see who defriended who… and who defriended YOU. I mean, why would someone do that?

Honestly, though… these people who are defriending you (unless its your ex bf/gf or ex bff) probably went unnoticed to you anyway. You probably went without knowing they defriended you for weeks or months before actually realizing it. You still might not even know – and you may NEVER even know.

And if you’re the “defriend-er,” you won’t even realize you used to be friends with the people you ended your “friendships” with after a few days. You will most likely forget about their existence, unless you have to see them on a daily (or weekly) basis. Think about it – if someone doesn’t have a Facebook (umm, but who doesn’t?), you probably forget what they look like after a week of not seeing them… and you probably forget to invite them to events and parties because you can’t do it through the computer. The only reason we remember most people’s last names is because of Facebook! I mean, after graduating college over a year ago, I have definitely forgotten a lot of people exist – I have also forgotten a lot of people’s last names. Oh well.

Do I recommend de-friending? Yes. Have I done it yet? Not completely. It is a very time consuming event, so you have to be really bored and really free when doing it. I briefly went through my list of “friends” and got rid of people who I had no idea who they were after looking at their picture and reading their their name (yes, that is those of you with no last names! who are you???) and people who annoy me via status’. But I have not defriended those I am simply just not “close” with or will probably never be in touch with again… and there are many reasons for that.

One is because I simply haven’t had the time to do such an in depth “defriendation.” And the rest are reasons you haven’t defriended certain people either…

  • We all have those “friends” who you are acquaintances with, so you feel it would be rude to defriend them.
  • You feel it is “immature” to defriend them – because unfortunately, it is kind of immature and will get people to talk if you defriend your most recent ex or a total frenemy you got into a HUGE fight with a few weeks ago. When these people come back into your life, you will either have to embarrassingly become friends with them again – which will be viewed on everyone’s newsfeed… OR in a few weeks/month/years, when times passes, you will want to see what’s going on with these people you used to be close with and you will wish you didn’t act with such fury of defriendment in the moment.
  • Stalking purposes. AKA those people you went to high school/college that you enjoy stalking (OR you just keep them as friends so you can view their pictures in order to stalk someone else). You can’t defriend them!
  • You have a “friend” with a really interesting life and you want to see what happens with him/her next.
  • You just CAN’T get rid of those people who you USED to be “friends” with aka frenemies, old friends, ex bf/gfs, etc!

The majority of these reasons are sadly based on FB stalking (FBS). And FBS is done by everyone, even our parents – and grandparents. It’s a weird phenomenon, but thanks to The Book, they’ve created some fantastic privacy settings where you can have certain people view certain info… so thankfully, you can keep some people as friends so you can view their info – but they can’t view yours! Sneaky yet awesome.

So if you are debating defriending people and decluttering your FB page, just think about whether you want someone looking at your information or not. They will be able to see when you get a new job, when you move to a place, or when you go on awesome vacations. They will see your page when you’re engaged… look at your wedding pictures… and eventually be able to see all your kids and where you’re living in the suburbs as a family! Talk about TMI.

My brother is 11 years old and has had Facebook since he was 8 or 9. Imagine if he keeps every single picture, every single friend, and every single wall post on his page from now until hes our age (a twenty something). He will have near a million pictures, friends, etc. SO unnecessary. As you get older, people come into your life and people leave – so if I were you, I would definitely consider making some changes to your FB page (aka getting rid of friends, pictures, etc) to make some room for the new friends and pictures that are to come in your future! OR just to de-clutter your page of RANDOMS and those people who sent your requests that you have never even spoken to (especially if you’re one of the people who accepts those rando requests from strangers from different countries! those most likely are not real people – but that is a discussion for another post).

Just think – what if you had pictures from your awkward middle school years on FB? That might be how you will feel when you have horrible, old pictures of your high school/college self when you’re 30!!! Oh wait, JK. You’ll be wishing you were a twenty something when you’re 30. So maybe hold on to those… but get rid of the rest! ESPECIALLY the random people who are unworthy of your status updates.

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

5 Comments
    1. Hahahha I agree.

      For what it’s worth, I’ve deleted about 300 friends on Facebook, and it is a fantastic feeling. I’ve felt more open about posting things, and to this day, if someone pops up in my newsfeed five times an hour, I feel more comfortable removing them.

      Is there backlash and do people take it personally? Oh, yes. One girl friended me about an hour after I de-friended her, and this was someone I rarely spoke to in high school. My sisters friends would ask her why I removed them on Facebook, and my explanation of wanting more privacy didn’t matter—people still find it insulting. That’s the age we live in, but once you do delete, it becomes addicting!

      1. Yes, it’s very addicting! But necessary. It’s surprising how many people you forget about when defriending… but if you forgot they existed, then there really is no need for them to be your friend. It’s just so funny how people notice (I notice sometimes too – so I can’t be a hypocrite haha).

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