1. People who are flaky. Don’t make plans with me and break them last minute. I mean, this is okay one, two, or even three times (if you have a good excuse), but not every time we try to hang out. Stop treating me like your ex and keeping me around in case nothing better comes along.
2. Girls who claim they don’t like girls. Yes, girls are awful, mean, rude people… but you’re one too, so get over it.
3. Straight men who like drama. And I’m not talking about the theater. Guys aren’t supposed to care about anything except sports and sex… Well at least they’re not supposed to show they care. So when a guy starts verbal or – even worse – written drama, you know you have a weirdo on your hands. Like, get over it. No one else cares. So rather than becoming everyone else’s entertainment or the friend-no-one-likes, laugh it off or ignore it like a normal guy. Leave the drama to the girls and the gays.
4. People who make more money than me that complain about making no money. Like, thanks for making me feel shit.
5. Ugly people who are rude. At least if you were hot, you would have something going for you. Don’t take out your self-esteem issues on me. I’m not the ugly douche.
6. People who are miserable 24/7. Your unhappy mood rubs off on everyone around you, including me. I hate being miserable, so let’s like never be around each other. Ever.
7. Hypocrites. I tell a joke at your expense and you get mad. However, you just told 3 jokes at my expense and I laughed. Don’t dish out what you can’t take.
8. People with multiple personalities… AKA people who are fake. No one has multiple personalities (unless you are, like, diagnosed with schizophrenia). You have one personality. So, umm, which one is the real you? Actually – you know what – I don’t want to stick around to watch the true you evolve. Be yourself or be gone.
9. People who know everything. Newsflash: You don’t. No one knows everything. We learn new things every day. For instance, what color is my underwear? Oh, you don’t know? Then I guess you don’t know everything. So stop pretending.
10. People who are lazy. I hate having nothing to do. I hate being bored. I hate lounging (except when I’m hungover to the point of no return). But there is nothing I hate more than being around a person who lounges 24/7. Find something to do. Get a hobby. Go for a walk. Lounging is definitely okay, but not ALL THE TIME. Like, what are you even relaxing from?