True Life: Sometimes I Think I’m Rich

I have a shopping problem.

Like a severe, uncalled for shopping problem.

On my entry-level salary, I have a lot of things I need to somehow come up with money for… such as rent, food, alcohol, and the gym. After paying these things, I put up a front and sulk about how effing poor I am. I debate moving home. I consider cancelling my gym membership. I stay in when something fun is going on… But when it comes to buying clothes, shoes, and accessories, it’s a whole different story.

My problem stems from my delusional nature of sometimes believing I’m really, really ridiculously rich… When this delusion kicks in, I will buy anything. And I mean anything. You name it. Those 140 dollar heels. That 80 dollar dress. That 18 dollar necklace. That beautiful 40 dollar bag along with the three 12 dollar shirts from TJ Maxx (I mean, they were 12 dollars!). It’s a problem.

However, this delusion goes away when I have to pay for anything other than clothes, accessories, and shoes. Food? No thanks, I would rather starve. Rent? Well, I know I have to pay it. I just cry after and stay in all weekend. Alcohol for friends? Only when I’m blackout to the point of no return (and I totally cringe at the charges on my online bank statement the next morning).

But it’s not that I’m cheap. I wouldn’t be able to give up my social life and all other things that go along with it just to have a baller closet. I also sometimes watch my unrealistic life view take a turn for the worst and I will give money I don’t have to other people (as in buying shots, putting in extra money at dinner, and purchasing decor and alcohol for parties). I do this for the sole purpose of validating the fact that, yes, I have money… so it is totally okay I just bought a skirt, a pair of sandals, 2 shirts, and a blazer. Right…

This delusion isn’t apparent 24/7 though. After a few weeks of binging on clothes, I take a look at my credit card statement online and throw up. But really, I do. I simply cannot spend too much money on my credit card without telling myself to STOP and then taking off the next two weeks of raging to lie in bed and watch movies on TV such as Titanic and whatever is on Lifetime… However, give me a month of being cheap and I’ll be right back at believing I’m rich again. And there you have it – the vicious cycle of my delusional life as a twenty something who sometimes thinks she’s rich because she occasionally makes a decent amount of overtime at work, has some money in the bank, and effing loves having a pretty closet.

This delusional cycle will never end… will it?

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

7 Comments
  1. Fill a mailing envelope with your discretionary cash and cut up your Amex. You’ll see when the clothes start shrinking those Benjamin’s in the envelope and stop.

  2. Wait… did I write this? This is also my life, literally to a tee. Because who doesn’t need that newest BaubleBar necklace and that other one you saw on a fashion blog? Ugh, I feel ya.

    1. I have never heard of BaubleBar and checked out the website and love it! Another shopping fail/win. haha

  3. When I was unemployed for nine months last year, I somehow convinced myself that retail therapy and happy hour were appropriate ways to cope. There’s something about the thrill of having a new pretty thing in your closet that makes you forget that you are spending money that you don’t have. Now that I’m working again, there’s still very little room in my budget for shopping, but I continue to do it anyway. At least it sounds like I’m not the only one.

    Great Post!

    1. Thank you! When I’m feeling sad, I have to shop. I think/hope it’s human nature and it’s not just those of us who read this post that feel this way haha.

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