Who doesn’t love to order greasy Chinese after a weekend or an evening of heavy drinking? It tastes fantastic and how can you beat the feeling of regret and nausea almost immediately after. Like a hangover, but better.
While the questionable food fetish provides a satisfaction I can never quite put my finger on, the Chinese food restaurant names also make me laugh. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Here are some of my favorite names:
- HoLee Chinese – This phrase could be heard from the bathroom a few hours after you ingest this MSG goodness, and yet it’s also a restaurant name. Two birds with one stone guys – gotta love it!
- O ‘Yummy’ Chinese – I’m partial to a great big helping of General Tsos, but after I devour this questionable chicken (Is it chicken? Please brain, continue to think it’s only chicken,) I feel the opposite of “O yummy.” More of “Oh shit what did I just do to my body?”
- YoMa – Yo Ma would be extremely disappointed in the $20 you just spent on takeout. That extra $5 for spring rolls, c’mon was that really necessary?
- Joyful Garden – In all the times I’ve ordered Chinese (full disclosure… its many) I think the ‘garden’ has consisted of one shriveled up piece of broccoli. That lone piece hardly constitutes a joyful garden.
- A-wah- As you sit, in that cuddled ball on your couch, with the fortune cookie packets scrambled all over and lingering scent of takeout, you really start to let the regret settle in. The name “A-wah” almost perfectly describes your “I’m never doing this to myself again,” promise.
- Mission Chinese Food– Now, I like a name that gets right to the point. No bullshitting here folks. When you’re squinting at your phone trying to drunk dial some takeout after another night on the town, this restaurant could serve as the light at the end of your tunnel. Mission Chinese – I know my drunk-self is convinced!
- U Like – Nothing like some incorrect English to let you know you’ve found the right place. Sure, they may not be able to spell the full word “You,” but they sure as hell can make you some tasty lo mein.
- Big Wing-Wong – I will readily admit that my mind goes straight to R-rated, but c’mon guys… really? I think the last thing I think of when I read this restaurant name is crab Rangoon, but maybe that’s just me.