The Burn Book: 26. Winter

Winter is the worst. It creeps along right after we finally get adjusted to the comfortable temperatures of Fall and it gets progressively worse over time. At first, we ignore the fact it’s slowly becoming Winter because it’s the holidays! And everyone is just so happy during the holidays! Sigh. But then suddenly it’s Christmas. And then it’s New Years. And then we’re back at work like WTF.

Winter sucks. For many reasons. Among them are the following:

It’s cold.

Duh. This is, like, the number one reason I hate Winter. It’s fucking cold. You go from being hot hot hot (and tan) during the Summer to being generally very comfortable during the Fall… and then all of a sudden – BAM – it’s Winter and for some reason it’s freezing out.

Everything is black.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love black – it’s stylish and flattering at the same time. But I also am a big fan of color, and during Winter you just can’t have that. Bright colors are out (goodbye neons) and neutral colors are in. Seeing such BLAH colors on the street, in the office, at the bar, and in your closet can lead to serious depression. My point being – There is a significant lack of color (shout out to Death Cab and Seth Cohen) in Winter and I fucking hate it.

You’re pale.

Unless you go tanning, you’re basically screwed.

It’s never comfortable.

Inside or outside. At home or at work. At the gym or at the bar. You’re either freezing cold wearing layers or way too hot sweating profusely. And you can never dress appropriately… because temperatures differ drastically everywhere you go. The gym is usually hot unlike the freezing temps outside… but, like, what if the heat isn’t working when you get there and you can’t work out because it’s too cold? And what about when you wear your winter jacket to the grocery store or mall because it’s cold outside, but once you’re inside you start to have hot flashes, but you’re not going to take off your jacket because that’s way too much effort and there’s no where to put it. Dilemma of the century.

Why is it so dark?

Whoever created the Earth was really trying to fuck with people. Why does it have to get dark out at 4:30pm on some days and at 8pm on others? How are us humans supposed to ever feel comfortable when the length of each day changes on the reg? I. don’t. get. it. During Winter, it is dark out ALL THE TIME. You go to work when it’s dark out and you go home when it’s dark out. It’s horrible. You have trouble waking up every single morning so you don’t get anything done in the AM… but you’re not motivated to do anything after work either because darkness makes you tired. This endless cycle, like, makes people fat. That’s right. Winter makes people fat.

People stop going out.

The thought of putting on a dress when it’s below freezing out is never appealing. And the thought of looking cute with jeans on doesn’t sound good either because, as said above, Winter makes people fat and fat people hate jeans. The thought of standing in line at a bar sounds like the worst thing ever. And so does walking to your friends apartment… or walking to public transportation… Actually, leaving your home in general is never appealing during Winter. You’re tired, you’re cold, you’re PALE, you’re hungry (why do you think restaurants are always so cold? you get hungry when you’re cold!), and you feel fat (slash are fat because Winter is making you hungry… and lazy), so you kind of just want to sit on your couch doing nothing every day until Spring rolls around. Hello hibernation.

The fear of not being able to get to work… AKA Snow.

Snow ruins lives. Some weirdos out there actually like it, but those weirdos probably drive large trucks with four wheel drive OR they just don’t leave their homes… ever. When you need to get somewhere (for instance, to work), that can be very hard when there is fucking white stuff falling from the sky and ice on the ground. How are you supposed to get to work? How are you supposed to get to the store? Do the Snow Gods expect you to just risk your life doing so in the snow? Ugh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweaty nights.

Some people don’t have to deal with this – those being people who do not have heat (aka the Amish) and people who can actually control their heat. But for those of us who live in a place where we can’t control the heat, we are either going to be way too cold or way too hot with no in between. It’s sometimes scary going to bed in a t-shirt and shorts with an open window because we fear we will wake up in the night with frostbite – but we can’t possibly wear too many layers to bed because we’ll melt. Another horrible dilemma.

Jackets.

Whether that jacket be a trench coat, a pea coat, a big winter parka, or a simple North Face, it’s going to be annoying. It might be poofy, it might be heavy, it might be ugly, it might collect lint… UGH. And not only are jackets annoying, but they also prevent anyone from seeing your outfits. A jacket covers whatever outfit you have on. You can’t look stylish anywhere. The worst is when you’re out. Especially at a place with no coat check. You’ll have to either hold your jacket which can get awk, wear it which can look awk, or put it down somewhere which can be risky since someone will probably steal it.

Uggs.

I hate Uggs.

After New Years, there is nothing to look forward to.

For months, there is absolutely nothing to look forward to except the end of Winter. It starts January 1st. You survived the holiday season where people were taking vaca days left and right, but now the fun is over. If you take time off at the beginning of the year, it will limit the amount of days you can take off the next 10 or 11 months – and that is a terrifying fucking thought. We don’t get Winter Break anymore… or February vacation… or Spring Break in March… There. are. no. breaks. Real life sucks.

People are always bitching.

For example, me. Read above.

Winter sucks. Put all the above together and what do you have? One very depressed 20-something. Ugh.

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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