When Your Best Friend Moves In With Her Boyfriend

The new year is approaching, leases are ending, and though your hypothesis for life was that you had at least 3 years as a post grad to live with your college friends, the worrying about moving in with a significant other is now actually beginning. (And by worrying, I mean justifying to yourself/your grandmother that just because you haven’t found “the one” yet doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian)

There are a few moments that, as a mid-twenty something, really have proven to be monumental. Maybe so far it was when a parent remarried or a childhood pet passed away.

Really, it will be when your best friend moves in with her boyfriend.

You get the phone call. Move in is Jan 1. Apartment hunting will start on the Blackest Friday.

The sweet, supportive, non-cynical, happy version of yourself will want to shriek, to order a good luck plant, to just grin at the furniture screen shots she keeeeps sending you. But, the actual version of you keeps thinking WTF. Where will you shit? How can you share a bed EVERY NIGHT for the rest of your life FOREVER???? What’s your current roommate going to do??? (or if that is you, awkward Facebook post goes up and you consider moving home) Do I have to move in with MY boyfriend now???? I don’t want to??? Fuck I am so confused!!!!!

Let me make us feel better.

This reaction will be normal. Your friend is beginning a socially expected new chapter of her life, and you will now soon be expected to as well. That’s stressful, as it does not not implicate the fact that you, too, are getting older. And with age comes expectations. Expectations from your family, friends, colleagues, bootie calls.

It is a snowball effect. People will now start to live alone. Social interactions become much less convenient. Jealousy causes others in your circle to become cynical and dark. A quarter life crisis may develop based on extreme singleness. And this all begins when that ONE friend moves in with their boyfriend.

It’s scary, it’s a change, but it’s exciting. Be happy for them as they will be happy for you…one day. Think about your parents. Most of their friends are, or at one point were, part of a couple. Also, this is why J Date and Match.com exist! If you really get desperate you can find someone else who is too! And you can always freeze your eggs.

Your best friend moving in with her boyfriend does not mean you now need to rush, but it does mean that you need to appreciate and respect their decision.

It’s scary — we are not forever kids. But for now we are forever twenty-somethings. We will be okay.

amanda lane

Hustla by day, Top Chef by night, Amanda lives in New York via New Orleans via Boston and is thoroughly enjoying the last year before the Quarter Life Crisis begins.

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