It’s Friday night. Your friend asks if you want to go out.
In your early twenties: Obvi! Best night evarrrr!
Now: As long as it’s a quiet bar.
When you get dressed.
Your early twenties: Where are all my mini-dresses?
Now: Ugh. Who am I trying to impress? Spoiler alert: no one.
When you pick out your shoes for the evening.
Your early twenties: Slutty heels! #YOLO!
Now: These sensible flats look mighty comfortable.
When your friend asks if you want to pre-game.
In your early twenties: Obviously lol! House Hunters drinking game!!!
Now: I might make myself a negroni.
When you assess your transportation options.
In your early twenties: OMG drunk train!
Now: I’ve already called us an Uber black car. It will be here in five minutes.
When you see the line to get in the bar.
In your early twenties: This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Now: Whatever, let’s go somewhere else.
When someone tries to buy you a drink.
In your early twenties: Hey there stranger. I’m not interested in you, but you don’t know that. Buy me all the drinks.
Now: Nah, I’m good. I have a well-paying job.
When you assess your fellow bar patrons.
In your early twenties: Let’s all be BFFs!
Now: How are all these twelve year olds drinking?
When it’s time for a bathroom break.
In your early twenties: Yay bathroom party!
Now: This bathroom is filthy. Get me out of here quick.
When your friend drags you out onto the dance floor.
In your early twenties: IT’S A RAVE!!!
Now: I wonder if this is that One Direction band I’ve been hearing so much about…
When it starts to get really crowded.
In your early twenties: Who should I dance with next?
Now: STOP TOUCHING ME!
When your friend orders a round of shots.
In your early twenties: Jager bombs!!!
Now: I’m going to regret this. I just know it.
When that shot kicks in and you try out some signature dance moves.
In your early twenties: The worm. Nailed it.
Now: That’s cool. I meant to trip.
When a stranger tries to dance with you.
In your early twenties: Damn I’m looking so good!
Now: Get your mitts off of me.
When you try to flirt with a good looking fella.
In your early twenties: I’m young, I’m sexy, I’m wild, I’m free!
Now: Do you, like, have a good job?
When you hit last call.
In your early twenties: Let’s keep dancing forever!
Now: THANK GOD. I’m so tired.
When you get the drunk munchies.
In your early twenties: Pizza or McDonalds or ribs or Chinese? Whatever, let’s get everything.
Now: Sorry. On a diet.
When you get home.
In your early twenties: Let’s keep this party going! All night long, baby!
Now: How about I just plan on never leaving the house again?
The following morning…
In your early twenties: Up at the crack of noon. A little headache, but nothing an egg sandwich won’t fix.
Now: Forget sleeping in. You’re up at 6:00 like every other day. And you feel terrible. Have a great Saturday.