15 Signs You Are “Messy, But Not Dirty”

1. When your best friend drops by unannounced this is their reaction:

2. You’ll get the urge to mop the floors, vacuum, and wipe down every surface…but then leave the cleaning supplies out for a month.

3. The thought of organizing your drawers gives you a panic attack. (Seriously though, WTF do I do with goggles?!)

4. You move away a pile of clutter to wipe the surface of a table or countertop, then put the pile of clutter back on top of it.

5. You congratulate yourself for putting things away when no one is around.

6. When you do have an announced guest you make it a point to say “It’s not usually this messy”, even though it’s never looked better. (Any available drawer or closet is serving as a temporary hideout for your clutter).

7. You go through the effort to wash your comforter, sheets, and pillow cases. And then when it comes to perfectly making your bed…

8. What do blank CD’s, Bengay, dryer sheets, beanie babies, nail polish, bug spray, and a 3 year old box of cinnamon Altoids have in common? NOTHING. Why are they all in the same drawer Katie?

9. You buy something at Bed Bath & Beyond that you know you’ll never use, then the one time you need it you can’t find it. (SERIOUSLY WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STEAM CLEANER??!!)

10. You wash & put away the dishes immediately after you eat. Putting away laundry though, that can wait…

11. You fill up bags of clothing that you could donate, but always come up with an imaginary scenario to talk yourself out of it. (I mean, what if I’m roasting marshmallows at a bonfire on a camping trip and I need something that’s cute and earthy but also something I wouldn’t be devastated if it got ruined…) When are you going camping? Answer=never.

12. Your computer desktop looks like it threw up on itself. And your number of unread e-mails exceeds 1,000. I mean…what?

13. You are completely unfazed by the crooked painting on the wall but that dust bunny has GOT TO GO.

14. You finally place all of the miscellaneous papers & envelopes on your desk into a pile that can only be described as “Shit I Don’t Want To Deal With”. (Neatly organizing 8 months of unopened mail makes it go away right?)

15. When you lose something you don’t even bother looking for it because you know it will turn up eventually.

 

katiehaller

I am a comedian, writer, actress, & also rapper living in NYC. I'm 4'11 so naturally my rap name is T-Spoon. Dating confuses me, so I like to write about it. The way to my heart is probably through fart jokes and puppies. (Here's the part where I encourage you to follow me on twitter @halleratyou)

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