Every day at 8:15am, I venture out onto the open road for my 45-minute commute to the office. Every day at 8:15am, I try to imagine what fresh hell this commute will be, and usually it’s the same every day.
Ugh, I hate driving. I need a chauffer.
Why do I ALWAYS get stuck behind the school bus?!
Do I have time to get coffee this morning?
Probably not because of these damn kids getting on the bus every 20 feet.
THANK GOD THE BUS TURNED.
Yes. No local traffic. Thank God.
THE SPEED LIMIT IS 45, NOT 25.
So. Many. Old. People.
You should have to pass a driving test after age 70.
Sorry, grandparents. No offense.
Oh shit, my gas light came on.
How long can I go with this light on?
I can definitely make it to work.
OMG was that a puppy in that car? SO CUTE.
Ugh I hate this song. *change radio station*
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF “MERGING”?
Finally made it to the highway. Time for fast driving!
Am I speeding?
Shit, I am speeding. I should slow down.
Was that a cop?!
Should’ve slowed down.
Nope, not a cop.
Back to speeding!
This song sucks, too. I’m putting a CD on.
Everyone is an idiot.
WE USE BLINKERS TO CHANGE LANES, ASSHOLE!
That’s it. I’m going around all of you.
Shit, that was a cop.
I’m getting pulled over, I just know it.
Cop put his lights on.
Now I’m going to be pulled over and late for work.
Thank God he’s not pulling me over.
What was I thinking when I made this mix CD? This is terrible.
Why is my exit ALWAYS backed up?
So this is how today is going to be. Awesome.
I’m going to be late.
Now I definitely don’t have time to get coffee.
I should probably get gas before I break down.
I have enough. I’ll get gas after work.
Who hired this radio DJ? He sucks.
Uggghhhh local traffic.
HAS NO ONE EVER BEEN TAUGHT TO USE BLINKERS?!
I probably should’ve given that guy the finger.
Seriously, dude, stop tailgating me. I can’t go any faster.
I really want to slam on my brakes so this guy hits me and it’s his fault.
But I love my car.
But if I get in a fender-bender, I can probably get out of work.
Nope, not worth it.
DUDE, SERIOUSLY? BACK THE EFF UP.
God I just want coffee.
ANOTHER COMMERCIAL? GOD!
NEED THE COFFEE.
Is it worth being five minutes late?
Don’t do it. You’re a good girl.
Oh, now you want to play my favorite song? When I pull in the parking lot?
Why do I always have to park in East Bumblefuck every day?
I’m 10 minutes early. Totally could’ve gotten coffee.