1. The Appetizer Guy
Forgets what money is. Buys ten different appetizers for the table.
2. The Girl Who’s Always Late
Reservation is at 6:30. Shows up at 7:15. Table can’t be seated until everyone has arrived.
3. The Vegetarian Who “Didn’t Think He’d Be Upset You’re Eating Meat”
Usually totally fine with meat, but suddenly can’t deal with your steak.
4. The Hangry Girl
Hasn’t eaten since breakfast. On the verge of a breakdown. Will someone please get this girl some bread?
5. The Food Snob
“You’re eating a burger? How quaint.”
6. The Couple That Splits a Meal
Begins their order by saying “we’ll have the…”. Only speak to each other.
7. The Complainer
This chicken is rubbery. The service was slow. I can’t believe they sat me under this AC vent. The table cloth is a bit itchy. I asked for no ice in my water.
8. The Mooch
Doesn’t order their own meal. Eats everyone else’s.
9. The Busy Beaver
Can only stay for a few minutes. Will spend the entire time texting with someone else.
10. The Vocal Dieter
Whatever. I’m getting cheese fries.
11. The Person Who Judges What Everyone Else is Eating
Eyes your fettuccine alfredo. Thinks the margaritas are too high calorie.
12. The Intolerant
Gluten free, soy free, peanut free, shellfish free. Insists on ordering the buffalo broccoli bites for an appetizer.
13. The Rando
Your friend’s girlfriend’s brother-in-law. That one co-worker you invited that actually showed up. Possibly only here for the food.
14. The Early Bird Diner
Is really tired. Wants everyone to know it.
15. The Enemies
Can barely be in the same room, much less at the same table. Both resent you for inviting the other one.
16. The Cheapskate
Comes to the fancy restaurant. Just orders a side salad and water.
17. The Person Who Underpays
Ignores tax and shared costs. Places burden of paying on friends just because.
18. The Stingy-Tipper
Has never worked a service job. Usually a horrible person.
19. The Credit Card User
Never has cash. Never pays you back if you cover them.
20. The Separate Check Guy
Meticulously splits bill. Refuses to pay 30 cents more than his meal costs.