A Basic Recap of the 2014 Met Gala

In case you were too busy watching 24 last night (Jack Bauer is BACK, bitches, and my high school self COULD NOT BE HAPPIER) and missed it, the annual fundraising gala for the Metropolitan Museum of Art took place last night in NYC.  In case you live under a rock (but are somehow getting WiFi there, unclear) and don’t know what this means, I can break it down for you.  It.  Is.  Everything.  Any celebrity who’s anyone goes and looks their fiercest.  It’s basically a night for everyone famous to one-up each other with designer gowns.  I live for it.  Literally, I was dead, until last night, and now I’m alive again until next year’s annual soiree.

The theme of this year’s ball was “White Tie and Decorations” which was a nod to the designer Charles James, who’s work will be the premier exhibit in the Anna Wintour Costume Center at the Met.  Basically, the theme was “dress up and look chic as fuck.”

So here’s a breakdown of how it went:

There were moments that were bad…

Like, when Taylor Swift went with her classic “I just re-purposed my grandmother’s seat covers into a fugly gown and tried to go with retro curls and a red lip” look.  Oh, fuck you Tay you looked so fugly in Oscar de la Renta.

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…and when Kim Kardashian borrowed a dress from an escort she met on the street and told everyone it was made by Lanvin…and Kanye wore a suit or something, IDGAF.  I mean, HER DRESS HAD POCKETS FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

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Kristen Stewart forgot Twilight was over, and showed up looking like a drunk vampire in something she found in a thrift store  Chanel Haute Couture.

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Rita Ora proved that the time she dated Rob Kardashian definitely rubbed off on her…I mean…THOSE SHOES…in a Donna Karan Atelier dress.

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Katie Holmes went to Marchesa and was like “Make me look like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, but after she realized she had Stockholm Syndrome and became an alcoholic.”

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Kate Upton tried her hardest to wear couture by Dolce and Gabbana, and actually just looked like a Pirate Stripper.

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Lena Dunham looked like she tried really hard…but still gave us “I just cut a few inches off my grandmother’s favorite dress!” realness in Giambattista Valli Haute Couture.

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And moments that were good…

Sarah Jessica Parker killed it (and like, four photographers because she trampled and suffocated them with the train of her dress) in Oscar de la Renta.

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And the David and Victoria Beckham looked were visions in white (Posh wore one of her own designs).

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Of course, my favorite original power couple Gisele and Tom Brady (GO PATS) looked amazing…Giselle stunned in Balenciaga, nothing new here.

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Rachel McAdams gave us classic, ethereal beauty in Ralph Lauren.  YOU GO GLEN COCO.

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

And Charlize Theron nailed the theme, the night, and the optional “bring a guy who could be your dad” as your date in Dior.

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Anna Kendrick looked like a beautiful porcelain doll in J. Mendel.  She nailed it, I can’t even lie here.

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Blake Lively rubbed how much better looking she is than the rest of the world in Gucci.

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Kendall Jenner was a vision in her Topshop gown.

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Selena Gomez looked sophisticated, simple, and chic as fuck in Diane Von Furstenberg.

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And importantly, Katie Couric proved us you can be chic at any age in her Beladora number.

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

And some that were just confusing…

There was that moment Lea Michele thought she was a singer in a Vegas poker lounge in her gold lame Altuzarra.

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

And Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield won Prom Queen and King (in 1984) in a dress by Thakoon and a suit by Band of Outsiders.

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Emmy Rossum’s grandmother lent her some curtains and Carolina Herrerra was like “we’ll pretend this is a gown.”

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The Olsen twins had just gotten back from a trip to London in the 1800’s, so they showed up dressed for the times, I guess, in vintage Ferre and vintage Chanel.

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Beyonce and Jay Z showed up looking like they were going to a gothic prom in Givenchy

(Although I do LIVE for a graveside veil moment).

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And then Lupita was like, “fuck you guys, I just won an Oscar so I totally have license to look like I’m now smoking crack somewhere with Janis Ian in my Prada ‘Gatsby meets Jungle’ dress.”

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THOUGHTS?!?!

Alex Engelbert

After graduating from Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizadry, and realizing her degree in The History of Magic was hardly applicable in any employable realm, Alex decided to stop doing acid and actually get a BA in English. A comedy writer living in Brooklyn, NY, Alex enjoys stalking ex-boyfriends, drinking coffee, plotting ways to meet Suri Cruise, and drinking cheap wine out of an over priced Crate and Barrel glass. Follow her on Twitter if you're entertained by hot messes @Alex_Engelbert.

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