No, I wasn’t there. But one can pretend. SO HERE I GO.
May 24th 2014.
Forte di Belvedere.
KIM KARDASHIAN AND KANYE WEST ARE MARRIED. OMG THAT’S NUTZ.
The first thing we must discuss of the Kimye wedding is obv THE WALL OF ROSES. This wall is obviously very cultured. Unlike me, it has traveled to Italy. Kanye definitely made his servants carry the wall of roses into the venue while yelling at them to set it down straight. Lots of “huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhs” were exchanged.
(Meanwhile, Kris was yelling at the girls to take AS MANY SELFIES AS POSSIBLE so they could later sell them and make a profit off the wedding. MUST PROFIT OFF EVERYTHING.)
Finally, it was time for the ceremony. Kim walked down the aisle to the tune of Good Life, because damn gurl… you made a sex tape and now you’re marrying Kanye West. This is the good life.
Kanye then rapped his vows for exactly 20 minutes. He said something about “Donda” (his mom), pussy, the Kardashians being the most remarkable people OF ALL TIME (sorry Taylor Swift)… and then he dropped the mic and put Yeezus on a loop. HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
After, Kimye put on really tacky leather jackets and popped champagne on a plane to cele. Lol.
And then they went to Ireland. Why? I don’t know.
‘TEVS! THEY’RE MARRIED.
[Photos courtesy of E! Online]