Where Are They Now: Clueless

The cast of Clueless has done quite a bit since 1995–as most people have, since it’s been almost 20 years –from growing facial hair to joining Fox News to feeding their children like birds. But what about the characters? What have they been up to since 1995? Are their lives still like a Noxzema commercial or what?

Clueless-Cher

Cher: After working on Daddy’s big, important case with Josh and honing her powers of persuasion in high school, Cher discovered that, oh my God, I’m totally, butt crazy in love with the law! Cher attended law school at Harvard somehow and even gave a speech at her graduation in 2004. They actually made a movie about her time in law school too, called Legally Blonde, but they changed some of the identifying details, obviously. Cher would also like everyone to know that Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde was not sanctioned by her or based on her life at all.

Clueless-Josh

Josh: Well, you can guess what happened next with Josh and Cher…since she was only 16 and this was California, not Kentucky, the two split up after a few months together. Once they broke up, Mel reneged on his “you divorce wives, not children” mantra, and Josh hasn’t shown his face on the West Coast in several years.  Josh founded a non-profit called Celebrity Trees, which encourages celebrities such as Drake and Justin Bieber to take time out of their busy, pants-dropping schedules to plant trees for charity.

Clueless-Dionne

Dionne: After marrying Murray in 2000, Dionne now answers exclusively to “woman.” She doesn’t have grandchildren yet, but she’s still worrying about what she’ll tell them when they stumble across Murray’s shaved-head yearbook photo. Dionne started her own psychology practice offering therapy solely for those suffering from buyer’s remorse.

Clueless-Murray

Murray: Murray works with Dionne as a complementary business partner, offering debt consolidation and financial counseling for people with shopping addictions. He still drives around with the top down blasting Dr. Dre and ODB, reminiscing about the good old days when Tupac was still alive and pants could be worn loose.

Clueless-Tai

Tai: A true chameleon, Tai bounced from group to group throughout high school and college and switched careers several times (from background dancer to background exercise video girl to background Pink Floyd tribute band singer) before settling on her current gig as a skateboarding mom. It’s like a soccer mom, except she drives all her kids to skateboard parks and buys them Vans and lets them grow their hair long. Her husband is a middle aged insurance salesman who plays in a band on weekends.

Clueless-Elton

Elton: College was a much more suitable place for Elton, who thrived as a business major at UCLA. Halfway through his sophomore year, however, he was accused and found guilty of date rape. He served time in jail and emerged several years later a broken man. He now works at a gas station (ironically the same one he ditched Cher at in high school) and sells pot on the side. He’s also fat now.

Clueless-Travis

Travis: Dating Tai took a toll on Travis, who was already totally buggin’ at the Hall/Geist wedding, and he broke it off that summer. Travis went on to compete in skateboarding professionally and became semi-famous and rich in the skateboarding world. His path occasionally crosses with Tai’s at ASL events, and they greet each other cordially. Though he never settled down with a woman, Travis has remained sober for nearly 20 years and often drops in on AA meetings to give motivational speeches.

Clueless-Christian

Christian: Christian works in music production with throwback stars like Bruno Mars and Duffy. The world doesn’t know much about him, as he’s become a very private person, but he was photographed passed out on a coke binge at one of Elton John’s parties in 2006 with Lindsey Lohan.

Clueless-Amber

Amber: Obviously Amber married some rich asshole and never worked a day in her life. Unfortunately, the 2008 financial crisis was not kind to her family, and she was forced to start washing her own laundry.

Clueless-Mel

Mel: When Cher went away to college, Mel tried to take his health into his own hands, and eventually stumbled across the Atkins Diet. A few buttloads of bacon and steak later, Mel died of a stoke at the age of 50.

Clueless-Geist-Hall

Miss Geist and Mr. Hall: They’re still married, still working at Beverly Hills High, and still earning minor ducats at a thankless job. At least Miss Geist now has someone to tell her when she gets lipstick on her teeth.

Clueless-Ms-Stoeger

Ms. Stoeger: Remember when Cher told her the tennis machine was a lawsuit waiting to happen? Well, the wait is over. A student sued Beverly Hills High in 1999 after one of the balls hit her in the face and ruined her fresh nose job (foreshadowing!) and somehow Ms. Stoeger ended up doing time for it. She has actually thrived in prison, which should come as no surprise to anyone who has seen Orange is the New Black.

Karisa Tell

Karisa Tell is a writer living in Milwaukee who likes to write about all the ridiculous things that are allowed to exist in this world, such as Nickelback and orangutans. She also likes to ridicule celebrities because they're not just like us after all. Her goals in life are to see someone slip on a banana peel and to get a job that requires her to own a briefcase. Read more from Karisa at http://karisa-tells-all.blogspot.com

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