A Definitive Ranking of All Things Pumpkin

September is now upon us so whether you like it or not, you will see pumpkins everywhere. Pumpkin this, pumpkin that, pumpkin WHAT?! Since this time of year is inevitable, let us embrace the bountiful fruit that is pumpkin. Here is the (un)official ranking of ALL. THINGS. PUMPKIN.

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10. Pumpkin cookies. Pumpkin cookies are delicious, but hard to make in my experience. Something about the moisture in the necessary canned pumpkin makes it difficult to achieve the hint of crispness that ideal cookies have. So help a sister out, and tell me your secrets.

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9. Pumpkin bread. Similar to pumpkin cookies, but deserves its own category. If you bake it yourself, it makes your house smell amazing. If you eat pumpkin bread baked by someone else, you do not get to experience this. So bake your own.

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8. Pumpkin cream cheese. Take fall and spread it on a bagel. You don’t have to wait for the leaves to change.

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7. Pumpkin bagel. Because your cream cheese needs an autumnal friend. YOU decide how fall you are. Pumpkin bagel with pumpkin cream cheese may be fall overkill for some.

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6. Pumpkin-scented things. Candles. Diffusers. I guess that’s it. Don’t want to make pumpkin baked goods? Light a candle for the same effect with no effort. YUM FALL GOODNESS. Oh wait, you can’t eat candles.

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5. Pumpkins in general. Let’s not forget the star of all of these things: the pumpkin itself. They’re pretty. They’re kinda cheap. They make for a great date if you’re into pumpkin picking. You can carve them. You can dress like them. You can look at them. You can roast their seeds. The benefits of pumpkin are near infinite.

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4. Pumpkin cheesecake. See above for pumpkin cream cheese. Then add sugar and a graham cracker crust. This may be what true love is like.

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3. Pumpkin pie. This has been around since the Pilgrims came to Plymouth Rock, right? Fast forward a few centuries and it is still on the Thanksgiving table. Someone’s doing something right.

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2. Pumpkin spice latte. DUH. White girls go crazy for PSL. It’s like, the best time of year. YES, I DO WANT TO FORK OVER $5 FOR A MARGINALLY PUMPKIN HOT DRINK! But srsly.

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1. Pumpkin beer. HELLO. It’s beer. With pumpkin. Pick your poison but you’ll find me all fall long with a Shipyard Pumpkinhead in my hand. CHEERS, autumn lovers.

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LizWitter

Liz Witter is a 2011 graduate of St. Bonaventure University where she majored in broadcast journalism with a (useless) minor in French. She is originally from Rochester, NY but moved to Boston for a job...then another job. She spends her free time sleeping, going to Sephora or doing crafts. She plays volleyball recreationally and refuses to believe she peaked in high school. She’ll take Tim Hortons over Dunkin, and Wegmans over basically anything. You can follow her on Twitter at @lwitta6.

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