I’m a single city girl on the go. I am on a quest to find a city boy that is cool enough to hang out for an extended amount of time. I refrain from using the word “boyfriend” or the phrase “guy to date” because I don’t want to scare them away. I have this theory that trying to find a guy to hang out with for an extended amount of time is like trying to get a cat to snuggle with you. You approach the cat, slowly and quietly, while looking at the cat looking at you. It knows you’re coming and what you’re coming for. As you slowly bend down to pick up the cat, saying “good kitty,” the cat crouche, and then runs away too fast for you to grab. Similar to dating, both parties are aware of what’s going on and what will happen if the dating continues. However, the second the “are you seeing other people” question or “what are we” question come up, the boy tends to crouch down, come up with some crazy answer, and run away.
I’ve been through the ringer, but I don’t know if my experiences are any different than any other single girl. But instead of becoming bitter (or maybe I’ve just outgrown the bitterness), I can say I’ve learned a lot about male behaviors and more importantly about myself.
Here are 6 things I’ve learned during my journey through the single life:
1. Have self-respect for yourself. If we met on tinder/okcupid, I am aware that you’re likely seeing other people. But maybe you could refrain from texting them while we’re together. Because if I know your feelings towards me are, “I don’t know after a fair amount of time, then let me help you figure it out, I’m out.
2. If they seem too good to be true, then they are. This is not a negative thing, it’s just a warning to be cautious. I am sure there are some diamonds in the rough, but the chances of finding them are slim slim slim to none. Tall, handsome, charming via text, 32…something’s wrong you guys. Still go on the date, because maybe you’ve found the diamond, but be cautious and have your eyes open, wide open.
3. Guys love fishing. I mean, physical fishing, for fish, not girls. As I’ve flipped through thousands of Tinder profiles I think it’s safe to say 1 out of every 5 photos is of a guy on a boat, holding a fish. There’s seriously so many, that I’ve become jaded towards the fish that the dude is boasting about! I now swipe right or left based on the size of the fish.
4. If a guy pulls away from a kiss first, consider your run together, over. This one dates back to high school. If a guy is willing to end a kiss with you first, let alone a make out with you first, he’s just not that into you.
5. The free drinks are not worth it after a while. After a few weeks of seriously bad first dates, even the free wine is not enticing. If everyone sucks, and there’s been no good leads, take a break, re-group, skip the free wine, free dinners and take the time to re-evaluate what you want. It’s so easy to keep going, and give everyone a chance, because you never know! But of course it’s going to take a beating on you…and the calories start to add up. Take a hiatus, switch the nightly dates to nightly runs, and find yourself, again.
6. Practice your flirt online. If you’re hesitant about actually meeting someone from online, use it to your advantage and learn how to work your game. A friend of mine is newly single, sort of down in the dumps, and ready for some excitement, but not a commitment. Over several margaritas, I got her on Tinder, got her talking to some guys, and giggling over the craziness of it all. I suggested that she use these apps to get over the slump, and distraction of being single. So if you’re in need of an ego boost, get on tinder… now!
Behind the humor, sarcastic-ness, and sass, there is an honest message that I wish I could preach all day long to anyone who will listen…Own what you want, don’t settle, be open, and being “alone” is ok. Good luck ladies!