9 Signs You Are Too Old to Go Out on Thanksgiving Eve

1. You’ve been out of high school for 9 years

Celebrating the Illustrious Class of 2006

You don’t want to be that group of friends that are still loitering around your hometown’s watering hole, do you? I mean it’s been nine years, maybe this is the year you just stay home and drink yourself into oblivion?

 

2. You only talk to three people from your graduating class

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So, say you decide to go.. do you really want to fill Joe Blow and Jane Pain(killer) all about the last nine years of your life. I mean that’s what the 10 year reunion is for right? Ugh, 10 years!

 

3. Your little sister isn’t even going

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Your sister is 24 so it would be socially acceptable for her to go out on Thanksgiving Eve and she’s even opting out. I mean, come on you stink of desperation and boxed wine.

 

4. You don’t even know where people hang out anymore

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Do you really want to have to stalk the class of 2010 on Facebook to find out what bar is hip and happening in no man’s land, southeastern Massachusetts? We all know your stalking skills on Facebook are impeccable but it seems like such a waste of your talent.

 

5. You’d rather enjoy your holiday meal than puke it up

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I mean when you were 21 it was cute when you were puking up your mom’s turkey and stuffing but at 26, not so much. Not to mention hangovers now-a-days are rough, like three days rough and you have work on Friday.

 

6. Kids you used to babysit will be there… drinking

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This one is pretty self explanatory.

 

7. You pluck your gray hairs at least once a week

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This the universe telling you that you are too old to go out on Thanksgiving Eve.

 

8. You traditionally go to bed by 9pm on Wednesdays

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How would you even swing staying up late enough to drink with all the youngsters? They don’t even go out until 10:30 or 11.

 

9. You are reading this, wondering if it applies to you

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Yes, yes, it does.

Erin Jean

Erin Jean is a Boston based smart mouth who lives in suburbia with her kick-ass husband, yes you read that correctly, I'm a married woman, people! She graduated from Endicott College in 2010 with a degree in Contemporary Journalism. She loves tattoos, writing, and slush (it’s an addiction people). When she is not working for the man, she is riding on the back of motorcycles, online shopping, and reminiscing about her younger years. A typical week consists of watching too much Bad Girls Club, mentally preparing for a zombie apocalypse, and trying to get a body like Mila Kunis (please insert laughter here). Feel free to stalk her life via pictures @mrsbadnews13 or on twitter @erinlissa

53 Comments
  1. Whoever wrote this. You’re a cunt. Who the fuck are you to tell or even hint at what people at a certain age are supposed to do. You’ve all the answers don’t you? You’re a genius billionaire right? No you’re an attention whore. A piece of trash. I’m sick of all these articles depicting what society thinks people of a certain age should or shouldn’t be doing. People like you who are judgmental and who don’t have the friends to go out with on thanksgiving eve shouldn’t make others feel bad because your ugly and lonely. You should take a copy of this article and jump off a really tall building and set yourself on fire too so when you hit the pavement I can piss the flames out. I’ll probably shoot you in your ugly fucking face and scatter your brains just to make sure your pathetic life is over with. Good day bitch.

    1. OD, this applies to plenty of people especially us Millennials who graduated between early to mid 2000’s, it’s common gradual social changes as we get older, it doesn’t have to apply to you or anyone for that matter, i honestly found a few things i could relate to on this list and i’m only 25, i mean sure 20 something is obviously young, but you changes especially behavioral and what not are vastly different from people who just graduated high school or early 20’s,don’t be such a pleb, take the sand out of you’re vagina and enjoy life!

    2. Although this is a little more colorful way to express your desdain than I would have put it, i agree 100 percent. Who cares if you want to go out on thanksgiving eve. If you have friends to see, go out and see them, get drunk and have fun. Instead of sitting inside acting like how you think an old person should act, join the dark side and hit up a bar. U might make friends and you might enjoy yourself. I myself, a 2006 graduate that just got bumped off the Thanksgiving Eve vip list apparently, will be dancing the night away downtown come hell or high amounts of snow.

    3. Someone’s a little bitter over a joke. I would assume if the article upsets you this much, you probably shouldn’t be going out on “Thanksgiving Eve” because to strike a nerve like that means you’ve probably started to realize you’re the old drunk person the kids home from college laugh at. When you go out this year, please be sure to drink heavily and drive yourself straight into a tree, making the world a better place. Otherwise, remember to take your meds and relax.

    4. Ha ha haaaa ha! you’re old kolby face it, time to stay home and drink away your sorrows cause you’re not cool cause you can still hang you’re a pathetic creeper no one wants to talk to.

    5. Kolby I told you to put that damn phone down and go get us some road kill tor thanksgiving dinner. Don’t bring back a skunk this year. It doesn’t match the table decor and it made the dogs commit last year.

      1. Kolby, are you “PC” bro?

        Smh, if your offended by this article, you need to crawl out from the comforts of your parents basement and go live your life.

        Fuck it, I’m “9years” out from high school exactly, still going to go out, enjoy a few brews and go home. Kolby perhaps it’s time to go out with people your age, to more “mature” night life spots. Teen nights on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving get old after awhile.

  2. Fuck you to the snotty cunt who wrote this. Someday you’ll be 40 and then someday you’ll be 80. May you develop a saggy neck like a turkey in your mid thirties. Bitch.

  3. Well I have a sense of humor and enjoyed this article. The replies make me sad for the general public, though. If you are that miserable, please get back on your meds!

  4. OMG! Who cares! There’s a million of these 20something lists up on different sites. Don’t be so harsh on the reason someone wrote this. ITS A JOKE!! ITS SUPPOSE TO BE TREATED LIKE A JOKE. Lighten Up People. :0-)

  5. Omg, I found this article hilarious. The writer is most likely older. I’m 29 and was thinking the same thing when some of my friends in their mid-thirties were asking where the party/bar that everyone was going to on wednesday night. I think it’s kind’ve sad if you are still getting so drunk before a family/holiday get together than you miserable and useless the next day. Just goes to show that you are most likely selfish and have mommy and daddy still cooking for on thanksgiving, instead if helping contribute.

  6. Wow. There are a lot of middle aged folks tired of being told they look like losers since they spend their lives on a bar stool.

    Listen folks: this was written in jest aka a joke, light hearted humor.

    Clearly, you feel being 40 does not mean you can’t go out, get wasted and wake up somewhere you don’t remember going. That’s fine. But the majority of folks, get to 40 and feel they are too old for such nonsense as their kids wake up so very early….

  7. I love the negative comments…

    Your probably the cringe-worthy late 20’s early 30’s people still chasing the glory-days at bars and clubs.

    How does it feel to be the butt-end of all your settled friends jokes? <3

    1. Wait, everyone’s supposed be settled early in their lives? Like, that’s still a thing? To be married with kids by 25? Otherwise you’re a failure? LOL. Our life expectancy is a loooong ass time. Taking a little extra to find the one while you work on yourself and become the most kick ass person you can be isn’t such a bad thing.

      I live in NYC, have followed my passion (in the arts), making a living doing what I love, dress super cute too. When I come home for thanksgiving and run into people from HS, I hear things like, “OH MY GOD what you are really doing that?!?! are you a super human? you are so amazing!!!!!! I’m so jealous!!!! I always sorta wish that I took a little more time.”

      This was exactly my experience going out last night. To sum it up, I’m 27, but my glory days are nowhere near over. And before you ask, I don’t mean partying. I mean quality of life and working towards actual life goals.

      No need to polarize anyone.

  8. “You people” flipping out (negatively) about this article are absolutely ridiculous. To take such article so to-heart and flip out against it is simply absurd in every single aspect. Why does it bother you SO much that you must lash out like a complete FOOL? It’s a frigging silly (and true for the most part) little post… if you don’t like it, don’t read it and move on. Yelling at the poster and cussing the article out itself clearly doesn’t do any good, and most definitely makes you look like a lunatic… MOVE ON….

  9. I wouldn’t have said it like kolby but I agree with the sentiment. This article is ridiculous. The person who wrote this feels bad about themselves and is trying to make people in their late 20s and later feel bad like she feels bad! No matter your age if you like going out thanksgiving day eve… do It! Life is short and one day we are all gonna be close to death and wishing we had done more enjoyable fun things! Don’t listen to some sad fool that wrote this. It isn’t funny. It’s sad and shows how awful the author must feel. My suggestion to the author go out tomorrow night and enjoy life with your gray hairs and all!!!!

  10. i never comment on this sort of stuff but it sounds like there are a couple of trolls who are trying to bring you down to their miserable level. here’s my attempt at helping to drown out their sad noise. don’t worry about them.

  11. I gradutated from high school in 1989 and still go out on Thanksgiving Eve! True ‘going out’ is different now then when we all came home from college at 21. We’re not dancing on the bar anymore and limit ourselves to one, (ok maybe two shots). But it’s still a fun time and there’s nothing wrong with reminiscing. Some of us have kids, some don’t but it’s nice just to be out with the girls!

    Besides it’s easier to go out to the bar than creating more dirty glasses and dishes that would have to be cleaned up before the next days company.

  12. First off, I think the people flipping out over this are insane. It’s one person’s opinion, if not a joke. That said, I think the reason all the late 20 somethings want to go out is because they actually work and don’t get many chances. I was kind of surprised when I read it myself, I didn’t think 26 was that old but I guess that’s because I’m 27 and don’t feel all that old. :p Happy Thanksgiving folks!

  13. The author of this article is a perfect example of the narcissistic degeneracy of many in the millenial generation. Listicles instructing people that they’re too old are so milquetoast.

  14. its cute the way you think that 26 is “getting too old”…you write like you see yourself as 40 something…gimme a break..you’re still a baby!!

  15. whoever wrote this must be that loser who doesn’t have frineds from college let alone high school. my parents have been disgustingly happily married for 30 years and still go out on thanksgiving eve,
    ps. I will be puking up my thanksgiving mean….with my mom

  16. it is not that serious Kolby…. as a 2006 graduate i can relate with some of it,but I usually dont go out for any of the holidays,in my personal opinion there is time for everything,and I prefer to spend my holidays with my family and close friends in a safe environment and comfort of a home,but nontheless its just a joke,laugh a little its good for your old soul!

  17. I think this article is confusing 26 year old behavior with that of the residents of Shady Pines Retirement Community. I mean, seriously, gray hairs and a 9pm weeknight bedtime? As if! I’m 40 and haven’t experienced either of those. The hangovers is a different story. She kind of nailed it on that one. With that being said, Kolby is a huge dick and probably shouldn’t be assuming that a humorous article, written solely for the purpose of being “funny”, is trying to tell you how to live your life.

  18. I loved this article – we grew up in a really fun bar town (Huntington,Long Island) and we always went out the night before Thanksgiving. We are in our 40’s now, married with kids -no way we would go out but it applied to us for many years…so funny. I loved it…I do remember doing the walk of shame on THANKSGIVING MORNING and other years trying not to puke while eating turkey!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVE everyone !!

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