This is a letter to myself disguised as a list about the general public. Everything you will read below has contributed to my nonexistent savings account. I am well aware that this list may only to apply to the fucking idiot that is myself, but if you too share the same horrible habits, STAND UP… and then grab an Uber with me to get a couple drinks and an overpriced salad. Because you most likely have no will power either. After all, what does “no” even mean?
1. You have paid $20 for a salad. Or let’s be real — you have a problem because you constantly pay $13 for salad… at Sweetgreen… you know, the fucking fast food salad place? When you have the ingredients to make almost the SAME SALAD sitting in your fridge at home? Yeah. YOU JUST HAD TO GET THE GRILLED SHRIMP AND TWO “ENHANCED” TOPPINGS, DIDN’T YOU? This problem occurs with other overpriced foods too. $30 for one scallop? $15 for some truffle fries? $10 for a pack of butternut squash from the grocery store that will probably go bad before you eat it? Count me in.
2. You have spent a week buying lunch and going out to dinner so much that all the food you bought the previous weekend went bad before you got to eat it. THROWING OUT $50 WORTH OF FOOD IS NOT OKAY. Eat those vegetables girl.
3. You have items of clothing in your closet with the tags still on them. Two words: Consignment Shop. Actually, there’s two more words… STOP SHOPPING.
4. You buy dresses and wear them once. Like have you ever heard of Rent the Runway?! Yes, you have. But that’s way too much effort for your lazy self.
5. You own more than three bags that are worth more than $400 each. And you no longer use any that were purchased over three years ago. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
6. You buy songs on iTunes. Not limited to, but including: Taylor Swift’s new album, songs by One Direction, EDM songs that sound like they could be great to workout to in the 60 second sample, THE LIST GOES ON. It might feel like you’re spending nothing, but shit adds up over time. Just, like, go on YouTube…
7. You pay for public transportation, but sometimes you drive to work for the fuck of it and pay $15 to $20 a day on top of your monthly public transportation payment. No excuses. This is just straight up DUMB.
8. You have said the phrase “let me get this” followed by “you don’t have to pay me back!!!” No, no one HAS to pay you back, but they should. You’re in your 20s and you are most likely not Kardashian wealthy. You can’t do another day where you run around New York City and spend 700 dollars in day. Get a grip on reality girl, you are poor AS FUCK. Stop buying other people drinks.
9. When going out, you take Ubers and cabs when you could very well take public transportation instead. YOU COULD BUY A SHIRT WITH THAT CAB FARE.
10. You think like I do above about buying a shirt with the money you spent on cab far instead of, oh, I don’t know… saving that money for your future. What is saving anyway?
HOW BAD IS YOUR MONEY SPENDING PROBLEM?