1. You go to Costco when there is actually no reason whatsoever for you to go to Costco. Do you have anything to buy at Costco? No. You just are hopeful they might be giving away samples of ravioli.
2. You have planned a day around eating lunch at Costco. No, not to buy food to make for lunch. And no, not to buy something from the food bar up front (that soft serve vanilla chocolate ice cream mix though). Your lunch is free samples. And you always leave full. Unless it’s a shit day, then you go somewhere else for food after.
3. You know it’s going to be a good free sample day when you enter the snacks section and they’re giving away bread. Or if it’s right before a holiday. Free samples around the holidays? It doesn’t get much better than that.
4. You have gotten to the snacks section, seen maybe one free sample station, and left. You might as well come back tomorrow. Today’s samples are going to suckkkkkkk.
5. You sometimes dabble with the seafood and cheese samples, but the real reason you’re there is for the apps and fried food samples. Duh.
6. Too many free sample tables in the same area give you anxiety. Ummm how am I supposed to collect all these samples while still navigating through the store at a normal speed? I can’t hold more than 2 samples at once without looking like a giant fat ass. Wait a minute. I am at Costco strictly for free samples. I am a giant fat ass. And so are 95% of the other people here. ‘Tevs. I’ll juggle ALLLLL the samples.
7. When you see a free sample you want that isn’t ready yet, you circle the area until it is. Or you just continue making your way through the store, while going back to see if the food is ready every 2 minutes. And when you see that oven open, it’s a fucking free for all.
8. You know a crowd of people around a free sample table means it’s something good. Especially when that crowd is waiting for the sample to be finished… MUST GET THROUGH THE PEOPLE TO THE SAMPLE BEFORE IT IS GONE.
9. You never know what to say to the free sample servers. Especially when they just start talking about the food out of nowhere. Like, you don’t care. You’re not actually going to buy it. You just enjoy free food.
10. You have circled back like a creep for seconds for one of the following: ravioli, pizza, chicken nuggets, the spinach filled triangle things (Spanakopita), anything Mexican, egg rolls, chips and guac, chips and spinach dip, the list goes on…
11. When the chicken sausage people are there, you literally can’t even. I’LL HAVE ONE OF EVERYTHING THANKS.
12. You never know where to throw out your free sample trash. Sure you could throw it in the trash, but those only come around every so often. Cart it is. Must rid of trash ASAP so you can collect more samples.
13. The salad sample always confuses you. It’s always at the end of the free sample circuit after you’ve already consumed five countries of food. It never makes any sense. Like, I just had shit after shit after shit after shit. No, I do not want SALAD.
14. You know what time the free samples end at your local Costco(s) and you refuse to go during any time they are not serving free samples. What’s the point? Like, do you really need a giant 36-pack of Poland Springs water bottles? No, probably not.
15. You often get a stomach ache after going to Costco. What did you even just eat??? The mix of food you consume at Costco may be worse than mixing different types of alcohol. Speaking of alcohol, I wonder if they’re having a wine tasting at Costco tomorrow…