20 Signs You Will Never Be A Morning Person

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1. When you were in middle school and high school and probably elementary school too, your parents would have to come into your room to physically wake you up multiple times because getting out of bed just wasn’t your thing. There was screaming too.

2. You were a pro at missing the bus back then. “Looks like you’re going to have to drive me again, mom. Sry.”

3. You knew the people in the front office at school so well because you always had to sign in late because, well, you were always late.

4. In college, you had someone (for me, it was my mom) call you in the morning to wake you up because alarms just would NOT work.

5. Also in college, you decided for some reason that if you had to wake up early you just wouldn’t go to sleep because the pure thought of waking up (in general) was horrifying to you.

6. You’ve always set your alarm at least an hour before you’re supposed to wake up because you know you’ll press snooze at least 10 times. “Five more minutes” really means “60 more minutes,” nbd.

7. You’ve signed up for early morning workout classes before and have either slept through them or woken up to cancel them and then gone back to bed.

8. You’ve tried going to bed super early in order to wake up super early, but to no avail, you wake up even more tired than usual and you cannot get out of bed.

9. Your mornings always consist of you running around like a chicken with your head cut off trying to get to work on time.

10. You actually have no idea how people wake up with enough time in the morning to work out, eat a balanced breakfast, and lounge on the couch watching morning news programs. Seriously? How do you have time for this shit?

11. Breakfast by definition to you is either non-existent or something very small. You can’t stomach anything in the morning except the prospect of going back to bed.

12. Morning sex? No thanks. How the fuck does anyone have energy that shit? It will forever remain a mystery to me.

13. People who work out in the morning are like exhibits in a museum to you. And they piss you the fuck off when they talk about it.

14. The worst is listening to people talking before 10am.

15. Your day does not start until you’ve had coffee. Coffee is bae. Bae is coffee. Duh.

16. If you have to be at work early (aka on time) for a meeting, you totally panic about waking up, getting ready, and getting to work in time for said meeting. People just shouldn’t schedule meetings until at least 30 minutes after the day is SUPPOSED to start.

17. There is nothing that pisses you off more than being woken up by someone else’s alarm.

18. You are always amazed at all the people on the road between the hours of 6am and 8am when you have to go out that early to go on, like, a vacation or something. WHERE ARE THEY ALL GOING? Oh right. To work, on time. Sure.

19. Night time is a constant struggle to accomplish anything and everything. You have the shortest amount of time ever to work out, cook dinner, eat dinner, clean, watch TV, and socialize. Like, how does Beyonce do it?

20. Every day always seems to go by so quickly. And that’s because you spend the majority of your day sleeping or lying in bed hitting the snooze button.

Whatever, you just love slumber. Never change. Xoxo, Sleeping Beauty.

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

2 Comments
  1. This is so me.. i cry when i have to wake up early. I worked graveyard shift for too long.. Well, even before and after that though.. I’ll just never be a regular get up at 6am kind of person.

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