A Tale of Two Bachelorettes: The Recap

It’s time once again for the Bachelor tables to turn and for there to be a woman who courts 25 eager, horny men. BUT. WAIT

Chris Harrison reminds us of the ground breaking, historic, earth shattering twist that is pinning two women against each other and having men pick them like a middle school kickball team. Yes, you’ve heard that right: two ladies from Prince Farming’s season will battle it out for the Bachelorette title, leaving their romantic destiny (ok 6 weeks) in the hands of their suitors.

On one side, we have Kaitlyn. Spunky, Canadian, dance queen and dirty joke-telling Kaitlyn. On the other side we have Britt. Ex-model, current waitress and fake crying connoisseur Britt.

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We get a glimpse of the men. The highlight? A lot of hotties. And the lowlight? A male dancer. Unless you’re Channing Tatum, no woman will want to marry, or have sex with, a gigolo. All in all, these men seem 1057391% better than Andi’s gelled hair beefcakes. I’m hopeful for a quality season.

It’s time for our Bachelorettes to meet the men on the hosed down Bachelor driveway. There’s a lot of buildup with Kaitlyn acting insecure and Britt confident. Soon Kaitlyn finds her stride, with some fun-loving men.

Cocktail Party

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There are definitely types vying for each woman. Kaitlyn gets the funny, jokster guys and Britt bonds with the serious, deep dudes.

There is a really drunk guy named Ryan. After picking a few fights, jumping in the pool and saying he’s “horned up,” Chris Harrison sends him packing. And then there were 24. Oh, and fun fact – Ryan used to date Nikki Ferrell.

The men continue to put roses in the girls’ boxes (YES that is a thing.) and just when we think we’ll stop hearing box references and learn who the Bachelorette will be… TO BE CONTINUED. Damn you, Chris Harrison, damn you.
Night Two
Harrison breaks the news to Britt that she will not be the next Bachelorette. Close, but no cigar, Brittster. She obviously can’t believe it. They picked her over me? Here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter how hot you are. You get to a certain age (27), where men are looking for a chick who’s got her shit together. C’est la vie.

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Chris tells Kaitlyn she IS THE Bachelorette. Of course she’s adorably awkward, and I kind of want to marry her.

Rose Ceremony

She kisses Dentist Chris, which is fine by me, because he is funny, handsome and a doctor. Ultimately, she gives the first impression rose to Shawn, a less hot, but still smooth-talking version of Ryan Gosling. Shawn also gets a smooch.

Kaitlyn starts the rose ceremony and of course the awkward part is that some of the guys she’s picking, initially voted for Britt.

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Brady, a Britt voter, pulls Kaitlyn aside to tell her his heart just isn’t in it without Britt. 6 men, including the stripper and an amateur sex coach, go home. We’re left with 19.

In previews we learn that Nick Viall from Andi’s season (runner up and resident ass hole) joins the cast. We also get a sneak peek that Kaitlyn has sex with one of the guys and it complicates her relationship with all of the other men. Obviously we don’t know who or when, but I am already loving the honesty and realness of this season’s leading lady.

Predictions

  • My favs so far are Dentist Chris, Ian and Joshua. At this point, this is pretty much solely based on my level of attraction to them.
  • Men I foresee being dramatic shit starters– JJ and Nick V.
  • Men I foresee being the resident criers – Sean and Tony the healer.
Laura DePeters

Laura DePeters is a (very) late twenty-something living in Atlanta with her husband and pup. A full-time social media supervisor, she's constantly trolling the web. She's an avid SEC college football fan (war eagle!) and enjoys trying to make real life more like Pinterest-life. Can be found watching reality TV, attempting to play tennis and ransacking the clearance section. Twitter: @ladepeters | More on me: lauradepeters.wordpress.com

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