The Bachelorette Recap: Throwback Monday

Once again we start this episode off at the cocktail party. Clint gives a last ditch effort to stay, but Kaitlyn says she’s done. And guess what happened next?? JJ, his bromantic pal/pseudo-love interest, publicly shames Clint and says he should apologize to every man in the house for wasting their time. This bro code is officially broken. The men curse each other out. Clint leaves. JJ bawls. Let’s just say it was a very dramatic breakup. Possibly the most dramatic breakup in Bachelorette history.

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Kaitlyn surprises us all by saying there is no rose ceremony, again, and they all stay. What do I have to do to get a rose ceremony around here??? At least one thing stays the same. Chris Harrison shows up to tell us that it’s time to hit the road, y’all! Next stop: NYC.

Group Date One
8 guys are headed on a group date where they’ll rap with guest-mentor, Doug E. Fresh. The group of white men are collectively freaking the fuck out… the black guy, Jonathan, gets challenged last. Shocking.

The rap battle actually wasn’t that bad, and I had some good LOLs with their disses.

Post-rap off she goes to meet Krazy Kardashley, her psycho Bachelor-season contestant and guess who is with her? Also psycho NICK VIALL. As in, Andi’s runner up and slut-shaming Nick. Apparently the two previously engaged in some social media flirting and now he wants to join the cast. What will she do???

She tells the men and they don’t take it well. Then she makes out with Nick and tells him she needs to sleep on it. She gives the rose to Justin. Side note: Who the F is Justin?

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NOPE, STOP THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. Too many throwbacks.  The other crazy Ashley (onion, pomegranate girl) from last season is conveniently Kaitlyn’s hairdresser. Three controversial comebacks in one episode + 80s rap god?! Gah damn, ABC, you’ll really do anything for the ratings.

Ashley sheds some light on this situation and says perhaps Kaitlyn is in lust with Nick. She says “who cares!” and tells Nick he can stay.

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One-on-One Date
Jared, the one with the pointy face and horrible facial hair, gets the one-on-one. Kaitlyn has trouble concentrating given her recent lusty convo with Nick, but he makes it better by telling her everything she wants to hear. Dinner, helicopter, rose follow.

K drops the Nick-is-staying bomb to the whole group. They’re not excited.

Group Date Two
Five men are headed to the theater for the next group date. They “try out” for Aladdin. Everyone sucks. Since they have to choose someone, the guy who looks most like Aladdin, Cupcake Chris, wins the joy of hanging out with Kaitlyn more as they perform live on Broadway. More of the same – rooftop, kissing, rose.

We end with Britt and Brady. They’re still BF/GF. She couldn’t be happier!

Predictions
Well. We didn’t get a rose ceremony. Again. I think Nick will make it this week, but will soon be eliminated. It’s hard to say who frontrunners are, as she has literally kissed and had a “moment” with every guy on this show. They’ll likely leave the country, she’ll kick off Jonathan. And maybe Joshua or JJ. Someone with a J name.

I’m still hugely unimpressed with the season. Between how desperately hard the producers are trying and the lack-luster contestants, I just can’t get into it, which is a shame because I love Kaitlyn.

Laura DePeters

Laura DePeters is a (very) late twenty-something living in Atlanta with her husband and pup. A full-time social media supervisor, she's constantly trolling the web. She's an avid SEC college football fan (war eagle!) and enjoys trying to make real life more like Pinterest-life. Can be found watching reality TV, attempting to play tennis and ransacking the clearance section. Twitter: @ladepeters | More on me: lauradepeters.wordpress.com

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