1. I’m going to bed so early tonight.
*Lays in bed on Instagram for 2 hours*
2. I’ll just pay it back right away.
*Racks up $1200 in credit card debt on your Express Next card*
3. It’s fine, I got paid today.
*I’ll just conveniently forget that I also have to pay for rent and food and life*
4. He’s probably in the shower.
*Grows old and dies waiting for the guy to text you back*
5. It’s healthy fat.
*Eats 6 avocados for dinner*
6. One more drink won’t kill me.
*Spends the next 3 days hungover*
7. I’m an adult now, I can afford (insert splurge purchase here).
*Lives off of cereal and PB&J*
8. I don’t need to do laundry that often.
*Looks longingly at your favorite underwear at the bottom of the hamper*
9. I just need to run to Target for one thing.
*Hires movers to carry all of your purchases out of the store*
10. I don’t need a boyfriend, being single rocks.
*Buys boyfriend pillow and a cat*
11. Doctors say red wine is healthy.
*Drinks entire bottle*
12. I’ll work out tomorrow.