It’s no secret that I am a die hard “Sex and the City” fan – as seen HERE. Carrie Bradshaw and her girls have taught me a thing or two about life and I have come to this conclusion…Everyone needs a Mr. Big. Having a Mr. Big is essential when it comes to dating, growing up, and learning how to love. For some of us, we may have already experienced our Mr. Big – being catapulted into a washing machine of emotions – extreme highs to extreme lows and everything in between. If you find yourself wondering if you have met yours yet – here are some determining factors…
DEEP ZSA ZSA ZU
Like Carrie, the rules do not apply when it comes to Mr. Big – there is no right or wrong. Your attraction is immediate that you are knocked completely off your shit. You find yourself stuttering, blabbing, and at times even afraid to look him in the eye because he makes you feel all the feels. A kiss so electric you feel it in your toes – the power of Mr. Big can compel you to not even think but just do. The best and worst part like Carrie, is that for some reason the zsa zsa zu never really goes away – even after fights, break ups, and how completely utterly insane he makes you – the butterflies never really go away.
Perhaps you started out as friends and worked your way into dating, whatever the case may be – the comfort level is like nothing you’ve experienced before. Your usual walls and reservations about men/dating quickly fall away as you get closer to Big. Nights out together are filled with giggling and goofing off – you are that annoying couple laughing way too loudly in public because YES – he is just that funny. Your phone conversations are filled sharing embarrassing stories you usually never tell and letting your weird freak flag fly – the best part he finds this to be endearing and not at all strange. In turn, he shows you that he is equally as weird. And in a world of men pretending they are something they are not – Mr. Big’s sense of humor and carefree innocence is hopelessly contagious.
THE BACK AND FORTH
A catch 22 to Mr. Big’s childish charm is that he can be the most indecisive bastard there ever was when it comes to your relationship. A constant battle like Carrie and realizing that sometimes fighting just isn’t enough. You can only take so much of his man-child ways and staring into the future with him that you see clearly when he sees gray is unfair to you. You wonder if asked too much of him, demanding that he grows up, and in the end, curse his name for running scared of something real. But like in the show, Mr. Big cannot be rushed to figure his shit out…and maybe by then it will be too late.
Once you realize that it’s best for you and Mr. Big to go your separate ways, cut your losses, and attempt to put the pieces of yourself back together – Mr. Big will show up in your life. He has this uncanny radar built deep within him that is triggered the second you feel whole again. It could be as simple as a text and as big as a random siting out at a bar but somehow he will find you again. And without any hesitation, his presence will pull you back in, sending you into a complete spiral of questions. “Is this for real?” “Is it going to be different?” It makes you insane – how does he do that? How does he know that you have moved on with your life? And to make it worse it’s always at the most inconvenient time in your life which leaves you with a huge internal debate – do you tell him to hit the bricks once and for all or find it within yourself to give him a second chance?
ON THE SIDE
And sometimes…Mr. Big just won’t go away no matter how much you wish he would. You beg and you plead for him to get the fuck out of your life but somehow he will work his way back under your skin, living there, causing a shit ton of problems. Forget that fact that you may even both be with other people – he still will reach for you in crisis, asking for your advice or opinion, wanting to turn to you for comfort rather than his friends or girlfriend. It could go as far as Carrie and become an physical affair or perhaps just an emotional thing but whatever the case is, Mr. Big will get into your head – eat at your brain, tear at your heart, and make you feel like a basket case.
THE SIMPLE MAN
Life is complicated and messy and sometimes it’s just better to go the easier route, the simple one, and stay the course. As Mr. Big does in the show, sometimes its easier to side with the simple girl. It’s easier for Big to deal with – another girl can be simple, basic, and there can be real love there – but it’s not like yours. You are wild and unruly and your love is intense and not easily managed. As wonderful and messy as it may be it requires work and you can’t fault Big for settling for an easier path. A hard pill to swallow that makes you curse yourself for being wired the way that you are…but in the end (like Carrie), you find comfort in knowing that their is someone out there who will run wild with you.
THE CROSSROADS – MAN UP OR MOVE ON
At the end of the day no matter how many times you go around on the merry-go-round, you and Mr. Big will come to a crossroads and you both will be faced with a choice – to man up and both put two feet in together or move on and find someone else that is willing to do that with you. Leaving you like this…
As terrible as it may seem dealing with Big and his bullshit, he teaches you important lessons about yourself and in dating – forcing you to question what you deserve and want out of life. He gives you the boost of confidence and pick me up that when you need it the most. He makes you question the true meaning of love and what that definition may mean to you. And regardless if you end up with your Big or send him back out into the world – he is a necessary person to have in your life to be able to grow, mature, and evolve to the person you want to be.