In the Jewish religion, when you turn 13 you throw yourself a party because you are now an ‘adult.’ But 13-year-olds are not adults. I mean, I’m 27 and I don’t even feel like an adult.
I know technically I am. I mean, my 10 year high school reunion is coming up. I am also the same age as Romy and Michele were when they went to their high school reunion. I am also old enough to know who Romy and Michele are because I guarantee you no 13-year-old knows that movie even exists.
I don’t want to start complaining about how old I am, because I’m not. But I’m also not young enough to call myself a “young adult,” because that refers to teen girls who read books similar to Twilight and stuff, so what am I? I guess I’m an adult currently in the process of adulting, which I now believe is a process that takes place until you are a senior citizen.
Does anyone actually know what ‘adulthood’ is? The Internet says its ‘the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed,’ but lol… we all know that’s a fucking joke. I’m pretty sure I stopped growing in the 5th grade, and I was completely dependent on my parents for years after I got my period. I guess I didn’t get boobs really until senior year of high school, but nope — still wasn’t an adult after that because I went through college blacking out way too much and asking my parents for money.
So what is being an adult? We’ve got a few possibilities for definitions to add to the mix:
1. Being an adult is complaining about people that are younger than you.
2. Being an adult is watching a montage of weddings, babies, and debt.
3. Being an adult is transitioning from white wine to red wine.
4. Being an adult is spending $5 on coffee every day and wondering why you can’t save money.
5. Being an adult is being old enough to have a child without getting shade from society.
6. Being an adult is having a never-ending panic attack.
7. Being an adult is learning how to cook things not in the microwave.
8. Being an adult is not knowing who anyone is at the VMAs.
9. Being an adult is pretending to look like you have your shit together on social media.
10. Being an adult is not asking your parents for money.
11. Being an adult is complaining that you can’t ‘go out like you used to.’
12. Being an adult is working, eating, sleeping, and nothing else really.
13. Being an adult is getting upset because your metabolism has stopped working.
14. Being an adult is being one step closer to death.
15. Being an adult is MASS CONFUSION.