100 Thoughts I Have During Pure Barre Platform

A year and a half ago, I wrote this post titled “100 Thoughts I Have During Pure Barre” and found out that soooo many people had the same exact thoughts I do during class — even people who go to other barre studios like Bar Method and Pop Physique.

Since I wrote that post, I’ve stayed loyal to Pure Barre of course and got rewarded for that in the form of Pure Barre Platform: Their new cardio barre class that combines the regular barre routine with a modern day 80’s step class. In other words, it is absolutely nuts, ridiculously hard, and I can’t do it, but I try. I literally never understood the term ‘sweating bullets’ until I took this class. Now I get it. I sweat bullets during Pure Barre Platform and even though I hate it during, I love it after because DAT ASS.

Anyway, here are 100 thoughts I have during Pure Barre Platform. Maybe you have these thoughts – maybe you don’t. But if you don’t and instead think ‘WOW THIS IS SO EASY’ throughout class, then who are you? And if you haven’t tried a class yet, I highly recommend it because fitness is your ass’s best friend.

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1. I’m scared.

2. I wonder if anyone else here is scared.

3. I wonder how many people have never taken this class before.

4. Hopefully I won’t be the worst one here.

5. Why did I sign up for this?

6. Oh no – here comes the music.

7. AH! Do I face the right or left?

8. Oh my god, I feel like I’m in an 80s aerobics class.

9. Where is Richard Simmons?

10. I was really into these tricep dips until the platform decided to start digging into my hands.

11. Help.

12. OH BOY. NO PLANK. I could get into this.

13. It’s time for arms already!

14. How do I still not know my right from my left?

15. Okay – this way is right and this way is left. I’m going to get this down by the end of class.

16. Oh shit, what did she just say?

17. I can’t even look at the other girls to see what we’re supposed to be doing because literally no one knows what they’re doing right now.

18. How big are these moves supposed to be?

19. For months it’s been “small movements!” Now it’s “big movements!” I am so confused.

20. My arms and body legit cannot move this quickly at the same time.

21. I feel like “double time” is a lot like that game in elementary school where you had to rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time.

22. It was actually a joke because no one could do it.

23. Is this class supposed to be a joke?

24. I feel like this is what I look like when I’m on top during sex.

25. Oh god, I hope this is not what I look like when I’m on top during sex.

26. I kind of miss double tube for stretching.

27. Is this supposed to be thighs?

28. Too close to the bar. Need to move the platform.

29. Too far away. Need to move the platform again.

30. DAMNIT – It’s crooked.

31. Whatever. It’s too late to care.

32. Now I don’t even know what we’re supposed to be doing right now.

33. Oh my god, this is hell.

34. I miss regular thigh sprints.

35. I never thought I would miss regular thigh sprints.

36. When can I put my leg down?

37. I think I’m going to fall over.

38. Wait. We have to do all of this again on the other side?!

39. Which way is the right again?

40. I physically cannot do this anymore.

41. Am I the only one in this class who keeps having to take a break?

42. Can I even consider this a workout if I keep having to break?

43. Oh my god, hands are so sweaty they are slipping off the bar.

44. Not. going. to. make. it.

45. Cardio blast is literally impossible right now.

46. WE’VE MADE IT TO STRETCHING.

47. But I need water.

48. Oh my god I’m missing the stretch.

49. Which way is right again?

50. Okay – time for seat. This can’t be as bad as thighs.

51. Just kidding, how am I supposed to move my seat this fast?

52. It literally only goes back quickly – it doesn’t go up.

53. Oh, flying, FUN!

54. This reminds me of dance class.

55. I LOVE THIS.

56. Oh boo, back to seat work.

57. I feel like I’m doing this wrong.

58. Why isn’t she coming over to correct me?

59. I’m definitely doing this wrong.

60. FLYING IS SO MUCH FUN.

61. MY LEG IS GOING SO HIGH.

62. There’s more seat work? Why?

63. BUT MORE FLYING YAY.

64. I’m messing up the flying. HOW DO I STILL NOT KNOW MY RIGHT FROM LEFT?

65. I am running out of energy.

66. Now we have to do it again on the other side, weeping.

67. This was so much easier the first time around.

68. I CANNOT MOVE MY SEAT THAT FAST.

69. Why does everyone else look so calm, cool, and collected right now?

70. My body is internally breaking down and I don’t think I can go on much longer.

71. Am I dying?

72. Seriously, I need a coffee.

73. My motivation for getting through this class right now is Starbucks.

74. I am tucking for Starbucks.

75. We’re almost done with flying. I hate flying.

76. Don’t count down to finish – it will feel like forever.

77. STOP COUNTING DOWN. IT’S NEVER GOING TO END.

78. It ended, but there’s more.

79. Oh, it’s totally fine – this is my favorite seat exercise!

80. Except that my seat literally cannot even right now.

81. That was quick.

82. Except I’m pretty sure I just completely half assed that because like I said, I’m *dying.*

83. Wait, we’re going right into floor abs?

84. IT’S ALMOST OVER.

85. These are not crunches, these are not even sit ups, these are ‘lie down ups.’

86. Is it just me or is this lower ab workout taking longer than usual…

87. I’ll take the final 10 any second now…

88. OH MY GOD IT’S FINALLY HERE, WE ARE DONE.

89. OOOOOH NO, I completely forgot about seat work part two.

90. I didn’t think this movement could get any bigger.

91. Now we are actually reenacting the “Call On Me” music video.

92. I thought this part was supposed to be fun.

93. This platform has made the one fun exercise significantly less fun.

94. No part of this class was fun. Except flying.

95. OH MY GOD ITS OVER and I am dead.

96. We’re stretching.

97. I have no idea what just happened.

98. WE’RE DONE. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!

99. And so much different than regular barre!

100. I can’t wait to do it again 🙂 🙂 🙂

It’s an addiction. AMIRITE?

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

4 Comments
  1. Ha! Great post, very funny and accurate. My thoughts also included 1. Has anyone ever smacked their head on the mirror doing this? 2. Oh crap I’m going to be THAT girl that smacks her head on the mirror.

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