The Bachelorette Breakdown: A Tale of Two Chads

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After 3 Bachelorette episodes out of the country, I’ve finally caught up on all of the Chad-mania. Side bar: can you believe they don’t want The Bachelorette in Italy?!

Two weeks ago Chad gets eliminated on a two-on-one when his fellow Marine Alex finally convinces JoJo that Chad is a lethal manic. While the boys are celebrating by throwing out his protein powder ashes (HILARIOUS BTW), Chad finds his way out of the woods and back to the house. The producers have clearly weighed their options here: let Chad in the house and risk him punching the other contestants and ABC having a law suit on their hands or don’t let him back in the house and forego the TV ratings. They went with option one.

Lucky for the men, but tragically for viewers, nothing besides a few words exchanges transpires. The dudes throw Alex a welcome home party, happiness is restored and we’re left wondering if there will be any juice left to keep us watching?


 

Rose Ceremony #1

It’s cocktail party time and the men all make last ditch efforts to keep themselves relevant. She makes out with Luke, Chase, Robby and Jordan before Chris Harrison tells her “it’s time.”

Jordan, Luke and Alex have date roses. Derek, Robby, Chase, Wells, Grant, Vinny, James Taylor and Evan get roses, sending Daniel and James F packing.

 

One-on-One

The group leaves the Pennsylvania woods for Uruguay. Jordan, who may as well be the only one here, gets the first one-on-one. While the love birds are cruising on a yacht, the other suitors find a gossip rag and see articles on JoJo’s ex. Remember the hairdresser who sent her flowers and a declaration of love on Ben’s season? The guys are concerned she might still be in love.

We learn from JoJo that she’s met one of Jordan’s ex girlfriends who told her he wasn’t a good beau. She confronts him and he says his football career and a knack for flirting is what made him a bad BF. Football came crumbling down and now he’s ready to be a husband. He tells her he’s falling in love and he gets a rose.

After a great date with Jordan, the producers decide to ruin it by showing her the ex’s tell-all article and she is devastated. She goes to the guys and tells them she’s done with her ex (also named Chad) and that she’s absolutely not in love with him.

 

Group Date

Not a lot to say here. She seems to get over things pretty quickly and heads on a group date to sand dunes, followed by a cocktails and swearing off all men names Chad. We learn that Alex has a new target in the house: Derek. Not the John Krasinski lookalike – JIM IS PERFECT! Luckily JoJo agrees and gives him the date rose.

 

One-on-One

Robby gets the next one-on-one date. They kanoodle around the city and in a slew of metaphors jump off a cliff in to the water. #Trust #FacingYourFears #FALLingInLove. Over dinner, Robby tells her he recently lost his best friend in a car accident. The accident prompted him to break up with his girlfriend, quit his job and move. He tells her he has fallen in love with her. She says “thanks” and gives him a rose.

 

Rose Ceremony #2

Meanwhile back at the house, the guys pick on Derek for needing reassurance from JoJo. And he’s all like, guess who has the rose, bitches???? At the cocktail party he pulls away Alex, Jordan and Robby and tells them they’re being cliquey and rude. Wait, this is The Bachelorette or Bachelor? Come on man, get it together. We’re going to need more Jim Halpert and less high school girl.

Chris Harrison tells us JoJo does not need extra time with the men and they’re moving straight to the rose ceremony.

Jordan, Derek and Robby had roses. Luke (he’s the worst, isn’t he?), Chase, Alex, James Taylor and Wells get roses. This leaves Evan (gross), Grant (bye, diversity!) and Vinny rose-less and alone sobbing in their limos.

 

Predictions

The teasers show drama with Robby and Jordan. As we’ve come to know, the teasers don’t always play out. However, there will be a tearful finale and I think it involves Jordan for sure.

I hope Luke gets cut because he just creeps me out.

Laura DePeters

Laura DePeters is a (very) late twenty-something living in Atlanta with her husband and pup. A full-time social media supervisor, she's constantly trolling the web. She's an avid SEC college football fan (war eagle!) and enjoys trying to make real life more like Pinterest-life. Can be found watching reality TV, attempting to play tennis and ransacking the clearance section. Twitter: @ladepeters | More on me: lauradepeters.wordpress.com

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