The Bachelorette Breakdown: Don’t Cry For Me

jim sad

This week we’re in Buenos Aires with the final 8 men. Chris Harrison drops the bomb that there is going to be a second two-on-one date this week – which seems like a fair price to pay for an Argentinian vacation.


 

One-on-One Date

Wells, who is totally adorable and hasn’t had enough face time, gets the first one-on-one date. He announces to the men that he has yet to kiss JoJo, so he’s obviously nervous and the pressure is on. They head to a theatrical art exhibit and it’s highly un-romantic. They finally strip down and get into a suspended pool where they somewhat awkwardly kiss. I think it’s kind of cute how candid they are about the entire thing, but the build up was just too much.

In the evening portion of the date he opens up about his skepticism of the show and his past relationships. Wells remarks that he is realistic about love and doesn’t necessarily believe in the fairytale. Unfortunately, JoJo isn’t as realistic, and is waiting for her real life Disney prince charming. She sends him packing. My feelings on romance are more on par with Wells’ than JoJo’s so I am feeling really bad for him. And for her that she’s putting too much pressure on something that likely doesn’t exist (I swear, I am happily married, y’all).

 

Group Date

Luke, Robby, Jordan, James and Alex get the group date card, which means Chase and Derek are on the dreaded two-on-one. James Taylor is lacking confidence and feeling insecure around the other dudes. But then, he surprises everyone and wins a soccer shootout to get a kiss.

Later on James is still feeling bad for himself while Luke and JoJo can’t keep their mouths off of each other. I realized he reminds me of Joe from Kaitlyn’s season, which is why I hate him. Plus, are you a pretty boy or a cowboy? Decide, please. In an effort to save himself, James decides to spend his time throwing shade at Jordan and calls him entitled and superior. She decides to confront Jordan and basically the whole “argument” was over a game of poker. #TeamJordan.

Shit is awkward when he gets back to the group and the guys get into it. James doesn’t have a response for why he brought up an argument over the rules of poker, but still feels Jordan doesn’t deserve JoJo. But he also thinks he isn’t good enough for JoJo – so I’m pretty confused by him at this point. JoJo’s not confused. She gives the rose to her favorite makeout buddy Luke.

 

Two-on-One Date

The threesome heads to tango and it’s pretty awkward. Chase keeps talking about how much chemistry he and JoJo have and I feel like I have literally never seen this guy on camera? I think he had a one-on-one early in the season, but I am not sure who he is. So, I’m obviously team Derek/John Krasinski. Actually both of these utterly boring dudes can go home. Even their tango is putting me to sleep.

Derek tells her he is falling in love with her and she says “Aw, I appreciate that.” I know this is The Bachelorette, but da fuck kind of response is that?! He gone.

JoJo tells Chase that she doesn’t feel he reciprocates her feelings and she can’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give her words of affirmation (aw, hey that’s my love language too!). He tries his best to reassure her and she seems to accept it. So who is going home???? Ultimately Chase gets the rose. Which isn’t surprising given how she responded to his confession of love. Bye, Jim! We’ll miss how cute you are.

And in a stoke of genius by the production Gods, as Derek cries in the limo on his way out, an opera singer belts out “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” as Chase and JoJo kiss. And I can’t even.  You know the second they filmed in Argentina this was part of the plan. Shit, they probably paid Derek extra for the tears. Damn, ABC, you cold.

 

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

For what I believe is the first time this season, JoJo is not wearing a cutout dress. She says she has no idea who she’ll send home, but I think it is obvious it is Alex the Marine. He’s kind of skated through by just shitting on other people, and you can only get away with that for so long. Plus he is the only one to have not had a one-on-one.

Jordan immediately steals her and opens up about how he’s falling in love and bam! Words of affirmation. Suck it, James Taylor! She also spends time with Alex and James where they try once again to sell themselves to her, acknowledging they’re at the bottom of the barrel.

Down to one rose and between James and Alex, she takes a quick breather with Chris and comes back only to decide (plot twist) to give them both roses. Not too surprising, as ABC needs to stick to the schedule and she unexpectedly sent Wells home this week.

 

Predictions

I still think Alex’s and James’ time on the show is limited.

We’re getting close to hometowns and next week she’ll either send one or two home. I feel 95 percent confident Robby, Luke, Jordan and Chase will be on the hometowns.

I think it will be Jordan and Luke in the final two.

Laura DePeters

Laura DePeters is a (very) late twenty-something living in Atlanta with her husband and pup. A full-time social media supervisor, she's constantly trolling the web. She's an avid SEC college football fan (war eagle!) and enjoys trying to make real life more like Pinterest-life. Can be found watching reality TV, attempting to play tennis and ransacking the clearance section. Twitter: @ladepeters | More on me: lauradepeters.wordpress.com

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