The Bachelorette Breakdown: The Phucket Finale

Tonight was a long, 3-hour event filled with tears, hyperbole and perfectly coiled hair. JoJo’s parents,  brothers and a girl who is never introduced – but who we’re assuming is a sister or SIL –  join her in Phucket, Thailand to judge her final two suitors.

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Meet the Parents

Jordan tries to lighten the mood by bringing the family funny hats to wear. Mom immediately goes in for the kill wanting to ensure Jordan is sincere and will not break her heart. Mom tells JoJo that maybe they’re too similar and that he and JoJo would fight over the spotlight – which teaches us something about JoJo we didn’t really know. He had a more passive conversation with the dad but fails to ask dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage. And Jo reminds us once again that she could never get engaged to someone who didn’t get her dad’s permission.


Robby goes the more traditional route and brings flowers as a gift. He once again tells the tale of his very early “I love you,” because he thinks first = last. The mom is smitten by Robby and seems to get a little teary when speaking with him, though it is hard to tell because she’s certainly had a lot of botox. He then sits with both parents to declare his love and ask for their blessing in marriage, and Dad cries.

The family likes Robby the most and finds him more marriage appropriate. JoJo finds out that Jordan didn’t ask for marriage permission, and she is dumbfounded. Generally, the contestant that gets the most positive edit as the family’s favorite is the not the winner. A very distraught JoJo breaks down and basically says Jordan is her first choice but is afraid he’ll leave her, and would therefore wonder if she should have gone with her safety net choice, Robby. The real devastating part of all of this is that the mom did not drink wine out of a bottle.

One-on-One: Robby

Robby and Joelle (because they’re on that level, so that’s what he calls her) make out on the beaches of Thailand while he paints the picture of what life will look like with him. It has to do with burning meatloaf, kids and a comfy couch. Jo made a well-timed “mom, meatloaf” reference and it was totally lost on Robby – FAIL, Robby.

Later that night Robby works to reassure JoJo (agaiiiiiiiiiin) that he is the one for her. She tells him that she has zero doubts about their relationship. Again, the perfect edit on this relationship means Robby is going home heartbroken.

One-on-One: Jordan

The couple head out on a boat and they’re both super subdued and a little awkward.  They talk about why he didn’t ask the parents for permission and he said because he wanted it to be “sure.” And she said it makes her doubt his readiness and the feasibility of proposing in a few days. They go back and forth on whose feelings are more justified and seemed to both be left confused and disappointed. I kind of get where he is coming from. How’s he going to have the talk with her dad when he doesn’t even know if JoJo is into it?

During the evening date, they continue the conversation about why he didn’t ask dad and what that means. She expresses her uncertainty and he expresses that he takes this all seriously and only wants to go through this proposal process once. They can’t argue anymore, so they kiss and she goes home.

The next morning, Jordan calls mom and dad to right his wrong and ask for their permission. They say hell yes.

The Final Rose

JoJo says she’s woken up to a moment of clarity and knows what to do. She gets a letter from Jordan letting her know how sorry he is and that he did ask her parents. She gets another letter from Robby, who pours his heart out and reassures JoJo of his love. Whatever moment of clarity she had is gone and she says she’s having a panic attack.

“My love for JoJo is as clear as the diamond I picked out for her. It’s flawless,” says Robby as he steps out of the limo first; time for a heart shattering. I WAS RIGHT (and I don’t read spoilers, y’all). She lets him pour his heart out and he’s nearly down on a knee before she stops him. She keeps telling him “I wanted it to be you” over lots of tears and breaks her promise not to tell two guys that she loves them.

She’s definitely going into her relationship with Jordan knowing it has an expiration date. So that’s a great sign.

Jordan and his highwater pants show up ready to propose. They say a lot of sweet things to one another, he proposes and she gives him her final rose.

After the Final Rose

Ben and Lauren are in the studio audience, and for those who have watched a single episode this season, you know that’s awkward AF because JoJo is still obsessed with this man. Robby comes out and says he was blindsided and had been completely confident in their love. JoJo comes out and a super poised Robby tells her that even though it crashed and burned, he’s happy she confessed her love to him. She says even though she loved Robby, she was in love with Jordan and their personalities were a better fit.

After a brief derailment by Chad, we learn that life has not been so happy for the newly engaged couple. The Aaron/Jordan Rodgers drama and his playboy status with the press have made things difficult for them, and she notes they haven’t had many supporters. The good (albeit, surprising) news is that they’re happier than ever.

The ever dapper Jordan joins his fiance on stage and Chris Harrison takes the time to really press them on the hardships of their few month engagement. They criticize the media’s part in making things more difficult. Jordan announces that he is moving to Dallas and they’re discussing a next year wedding. Chris probes about Aaron and Jordan dodges the question. He then asks JoJo and she also declines to answer. I love how Chris just berated the media for making their relationship difficult and then keeps making these digs.

They certainly seem happy, but the show’s track record for producing happy couples is bleak, so we’ll see how this turns out. And because we deserve no breaks, the real gem of this franchise, Bachelor in Paradise starts tomorrow.

Laura DePeters

Laura DePeters is a (very) late twenty-something living in Atlanta with her husband and pup. A full-time social media supervisor, she's constantly trolling the web. She's an avid SEC college football fan (war eagle!) and enjoys trying to make real life more like Pinterest-life. Can be found watching reality TV, attempting to play tennis and ransacking the clearance section. Twitter: @ladepeters | More on me: lauradepeters.wordpress.com

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