We’ve all done it: the innocent Google search on something like “How to Get Him to Text Me.” It probably started back in middle school when we asked the Internet “how do I know if he likes me?” instead of asking the boy himself. And now it seems our Facebook feeds are filled with dating articles shared by friends, with titles like “8 Things He’s Thinking But Won’t Say Out Loud” from Marie Claire or “How to Get a Second Date” on AskMen.
So, you either seek out the advice and follow it diligently to no avail, or you click on the Facebook link and think Well, shit. I didn’t know that he really meant that when he said that. Or you may think, I shouldn’t have said that, he probably thinks I’m really clingy now. Instead of providing clarity, most online dating advice seems to lead to doubt and confusion.
So why do we listen to these articles? Or if we don’t listen to them, why are we reading them? It’s not as if a majority of these article are written by people with psychology degrees (which would give them some clout). In response, I’ve compiled a list of some of the most popular Internet dating advice that just seems plain wrong. Take it with a grain of salt, though – I’m an average consumer with my own opinions in the end.
1. Don’t text him first
Elite Daily says you should never be the one to break first. “You’re not the one who waits around, but the one who doesn’t even notice when he texted. You’re the one in control, the one who doesn’t need his vacuous responses to feel good,” the article says. But I say fuck that. If you want to text him, text him. I see no reason to play games. If you like him and want to talk to him, what’s wrong with him knowing that? Why does either person need to be “in control?” If he thinks you are needy/clingy/crazy for texting him first, then do you really want to be with him anyway?
You do you, and if he’s not into you, fine. You’ll find someone who is. I’m not saying double text him until he responds (I think we all know how to take a hint). But if something crazy happened today and you want to tell him about it, don’t listen to some article that says you’re too accessible or needy if you want to talk to him. And if you really are needy, it’s probably best he know now.
2. Don’t be too available
Okay, if you have plans with girlfriends and he calls, don’t cancel for him. But I’m just saying, if all you’re doing is binge watching House of Cards and you’d rather go out with him or invite him over, then do it! I don’t see the point in pretending you have plans every night so you seem intriguing or hard to get. The old saying “men like to work for what they want” may be true, but how about they work on planning a fun date or cooking you a fabulous dinner? Don’t make them “work” to hang out with you if you already want to hang out – that’s pointless. He’ll see that you have your own life (and a damn good one) without you having to prove it.
3. Basically any advice that tells you not to be yourself
Be outgoing. Make the first move. Be funny, but not too funny… and other BS like this. It’s like, okay, but what if I’m actually not outgoing at all, I’m too shy to make the first move, and I’m actually hilarious and want him to know that?? You probably get the gist of my advice by now: don’t play games, be yourself and find someone who likes you for you.
After getting out of a long term relationship, I’m new to dating, so maybe that’s why these “dating rules” just seem ridiculous to me since I’m used to being myself and comfortable around the guy I’m with. I know dating is hard, blah blah blah, but maybe think twice before reading the next blog post about relationship advice (except this one, obviously).