As a person who runs a website about becoming an adult, I’ve read my fair share of articles about getting engaged. Most say after you get engaged, it’s all rainbows and butterflies and panicking every five seconds that the ring is gone. These articles say that the only things you think about after you get engaged are how happy you are and how you need to plan a wedding. But come onnnnnnn. Life does not stop when you get engaged.
You don’t become a fake person who only cares about floral arrangements and color schemes. You don’t lose your personality and walk around with a smile on your face 24/7. You don’t magically stop bickering about the little things with your ‘fiancé’ just because you’re engaged. You basically can’t spend every waking moment planning and thinking about your wedding because you have a job and a life.
Below, you will find some *real* thoughts from a real bride-to-be, who happens to be, oh god, me, I’m old.
1. Do I haaaave to call him my fiancé now that we’re engaged?
How do you even pronounce that without sounding like an asshole? Fiancè? Fiancé? Fiance-ayyyyyyy? He wasn’t my fiancè yesterday. Am I just supposed to start calling him that in casual conversations with people who don’t know his name? They’re going to think I’m pretentious, and even if I am pretentious, I never asked to use the world’s most pretentious word: fiancé. Why can’t I still call him my boyfriend?
2. I can’t believe [person here] did not ‘like’ our engagement announcement.
Part of the fun in getting engaged is seeing who comes out of the woodwork to like and comment on your newsfeed update. Mind you, it takes literally negative one second to click the ‘like’ button on Facebook, and if someone does this, it by no way means that actually care. They’re just joining in on the fun because everyone else is doing it, which brings me to the real problem: The people who DON’T join in on the fun. You basically have to go out of your way to not like someone’s engagement announcement. It stays at the top of Facebook’s newsfeed for days because people won’t stop engaging with it. To not like it, you have to see it a million times and continue to scroll past it, pretending it does not exist. That. takes. effort.
3. Are people not happy for us?
Why aren’t people calling? Why aren’t people sending gifts? Do people not want us to get married? Do people not care? The answer: My life may have drastically changed, but engagements happen for most people that get married, and a lotttt of people get married. The paranoia that comes from watching other people celebrate their engagements online is real.
4. How am I supposed to go on a wedding diet when life has turned into one constant celebration, which means I have to eat and drink ALL THE TIME?
Like, I’m going to have to take engagement photos soon. I can’t turn into a ball. Or can I? I guess we shall see.
5. This ring is cool, but am I going to like it in 20 years?
Okay, yeah, I am hashtag blessed to have received an exact replica of the ring I envisioned for myself in my head, but will future me like this ring? I mean, 10 years ago when I was 17, I thought Abercrombie and Fitch ribbed tank tops were perfect going out tops. Will my ring be an Abercrombie and Fitch ribbed tank top in 10 years when I am 37?
6. You know, I really wish he proposed like this instead…
You can’t change the past, and you also can’t stop yourself from thinking about the past. Or at least I can’t.
7. Why is everything so effing expensive?
I knew weddings were expensive before I got engaged, but I didn’t understand HOW expensive. I often googled ‘average costs’ of weddings at different venues, and while I did think a lot of the numbers I found were insane, I didn’t realize how much more it would be after adding on literally everything else. In addition to renting a venue, food, and drinks, you have to pay for entertainment, decor, flowers, photography, a dress, the rehearsal, a place to stay, and then some. And that’s just the basics. If you want ‘fun additions’ and ‘Instagram worthy decor’ at your wedding, you’ll have to pay even more.
8. How the F did ____ afford to get married there?
Obviously not everyone with money wishes to spend it all on weddings (because, you know, they could spend their money elsewhere… like on the future, or the present, or the past – credit card debt, hi), but there are some people who will spend all this money on weddings and you’ll be like, ‘You had money? The whole time?!” Okay, honestly, maybe they don’t have money. Maybe they’re taking out loans or something. Do people actually take out loans for weddings? Because that would be nuts. WTF.COM.
9. Should we just elope?
10. I NEED TO STOP SPENDING ALL MY FREE TIME LOOKING AT WEDDING STUFF.
I have so much other stuff to do, like clean my apartment and run a website. I don’t have time for this shit. Couldn’t he have proposed when I was, like, unemployed? I was unemployed for five months. It was prime wedding planning time. Sure, the easy fix to this problem would be to hire someone else to do the planning for me, but as resident control freak, I can’t do that. I also spent all my money at Nordstrom. This is a fact. Life is hard. The end.
11. Do I really want to marry this person? Am I making the right choice? Is this IT?
Sorry y’all, but as a giver of blunt truths, this is one I cannot leave off the list. A wedding is not just a commitment because of the whole marriage thing. It’s a commitment because people spend thousands and thousands of dollars on ONE DAY when there’s a chance the marriage may not even work out. And they broadcast all of this on social media.
Of course, there is turning back. Lots of people end engagements (and marriages). But if you thought commitment was scary before, it gets ~scary as fuck~ when you are engaged, even if you refuse to admit it. This is probably why some people need to get engaged to realize that this isn’t actually what they want. Ugh, I feel like the grim reaper over here, so I’m just going to mosey on down to the next paragraph and pretend this didn’t happen.
In conclusion, getting engaged was great until my grandfather passed away two days later because, you know, life still happens even after you get engaged.
Now, a month later, our engagement is old news, the congratulatory period has ended, and all I am is overwhelmed. If only I could go to sleep and wake up to attend the wedding of my dreams without actually planning it myself. LE SIGH.
Sure, it’s scary to think about *forever* sometimes, but I still feel the same way about my ‘fiancé’ (ahhhhhh I hate that word). And even though our relationship isn’t perfect, what relationship is? Boring ones, that’s for sure. For now, I’ll continue arguing my way to bed and pretending to give the ring back as a peace offering to end fights and get my way. I’m the real relationship champion, you guys. Or not.
Side note: To all the people I have to email back, don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you, I just got engaged. I’ll get back to you soon, I just keep finding cool bouquets on Style Me Pretty. *I never thought I would be this person*