A few months ago, I got engaged. Cue confetti and faux screams of joy from female acquaintances.
Out of my group of friends, I am one of the first to get engaged. Because of this, multiple people have said to me things to me like: ‘I can’t believe you’re the first one out of the group to get engaged.” and “You getting your shit together before all of us? Who would have thought?”
And who would have thought? I mean, it was only a few months ago that I drunkenly slept in my car because I locked myself out of my apartment. But wait – who said I had my shit together? Who declared that ‘getting engaged’ meant I have my shit together? Because it doesn’t.
Before I get into WHY it doesn’t mean I have my shit together, let’s look at a timeline of my adult life so far:
I enter college barely an adult – somewhere in between hot mess/naive idiot. A year later, I become hot mess who knows what she is doing, but doesn’t care. I date idiots. I hook up with idiots.
I meet a guy. I meet more guys. I fear commitment. I suck at commitment.
I develop relationship ADD, which is similar to the radio ADD I had growing up where even if I loved a song that came on, I would check other stations to see if a song I loved more was playing somewhere else.
I graduate from college an even hotter mess than before. I party. I work. I sleep. I fall in love. Or I at least think it’s love. I stop talking to old friends. I care about what I’m doing at work. I cook healthy meals. I like my new adult domestic life. I cling to the final year(s) of my party girl lifestyle.
Relationship ADD continues to make appearances. I ignore it. I try to ignore it. I go out on weekends, but hangovers are unbearable. I get better at cooking. I feel old. I stop going out to clubs and ‘bars with dancing’ for (almost) good.
I get engaged.
And there you have it. I’m now an engaged adult, so I must have my shit together, right?
For some reason there is some direct correlation between being engaged and having your shit together. Well, let me tell you, I am engaged, and I know plenty of single ladies and men who have their shit way more together than I ever will.
There was nothing that happened in my life timeline other than ‘getting engaged’ and ‘cooking’ that equal adult. I did not pay off my car. I did not have a child. I did not purchase a home. I did not raise my credit score to “excellent.”
So please stop equating someone who posts pictures on social media with a significant other and is getting married to someone who ‘has their shit together.’ I admit – sometimes when I see pictures of couples on Instagram or Facebook who look seemingly perfect (something I do not), I automatically think they have their shit together, and you know what – they totally might. But not everyone does. And just because someone is single, it doesn’t mean they don’t.
We’re all living life and taking life as it comes – and a relationship status has absolutely nothing to do with one’s success.