9 Signs You’re Too Old To Go Out On Thanksgiving Eve

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Well, you guys, we have officially made it to another Thanksgiving Eve. You know, the night that flyers at bars claim to be the “biggest party night of the YEAR!” And you know what, those flyers might be true. In college, we came home as functioning alcoholics to reunite with our friends for a short time so we had to cram all our drinking to one weekend  – and yes, weekends started on Wednesday back then. AFTER college, we were able to go out to the local townie bar as veteran functioning alcoholics on TGE, and because of the awkward encounters at the bar, we all drank way too much and collectively blacked out together.

But while Thanksgiving Eve will forever be the night before Thanksgiving, it can’t be the biggest party night forever. I mean, 20-somethings in general can’t party forever. Or they CAN. But in different ways.

What I’m trying to say is… there comes a point where you need to stop going out for Thanksgiving Eve. Is that time here for you? Here are 9 signs it most definitely is, because sorry, but you are getting old AF.


 

1. You’ve been out of high school for 9 years

Celebrating the Illustrious Class of 2006

You don’t want to be that group of friends that are still loitering around your hometown’s watering hole, do you? I mean it’s been nine years, maybe this is the year you just stay home and drink yourself into oblivion?

 

2. You only talk to three people from your graduating class

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So, say you decide to go.. do you really want to fill Joe Blow and Jane Pain(killer) all about the last nine years of your life. I mean that’s what the 10 year reunion is for right? Ugh, 10 years!

 

3. Your little sister isn’t even going

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Your sister is 24 so it would be socially acceptable for her to go out on Thanksgiving Eve and she’s even opting out. I mean, come on you stink of desperation and boxed wine.

 

4. You don’t even know where people hang out anymore

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Do you really want to have to stalk the class of 2010 on Facebook to find out what bar is hip and happening in no man’s land, southeastern Massachusetts? We all know your stalking skills on Facebook are impeccable but it seems like such a waste of your talent.

 

5. You’d rather enjoy your holiday meal than puke it up

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I mean when you were 21 it was cute when you were puking up your mom’s turkey and stuffing but at 26, not so much. Not to mention hangovers now-a-days are rough, like three days rough and you have work on Friday.

 

6. Kids you used to babysit will be there… drinking

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This one is pretty self explanatory.

 

7. You pluck your gray hairs at least once a week

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This the universe telling you that you are too old to go out on Thanksgiving Eve.

 

8. You traditionally go to bed by 9pm on Wednesdays

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How would you even swing staying up late enough to drink with all the youngsters? They don’t even go out until 10:30 or 11.

 

9. You are reading this, wondering if it applies to you

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Yes, yes, it does.

Erin Jean

Erin Jean is a Boston based smart mouth who lives in suburbia with her kick-ass husband, yes you read that correctly, I'm a married woman, people! She graduated from Endicott College in 2010 with a degree in Contemporary Journalism. She loves tattoos, writing, and slush (it’s an addiction people). When she is not working for the man, she is riding on the back of motorcycles, online shopping, and reminiscing about her younger years. A typical week consists of watching too much Bad Girls Club, mentally preparing for a zombie apocalypse, and trying to get a body like Mila Kunis (please insert laughter here). Feel free to stalk her life via pictures @mrsbadnews13 or on twitter @erinlissa

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