The Bachelor Breakdown: Whipped Cream and Lies

We are now on Episode 5 of “The Bachelor” with 11 women left in the running. We left off with Taylor and Corinne in a fireside confrontation, awkwardly snuggling under fur blankets while calling each other out. As they stand at the rose ceremony, Chris Harrison takes Nick aside to feel him out after the whole super awkward night. “They’re all mature women,” he says. Mhmm.


 

Drama City

The first 15 minutes are the Taylor and Corinne show. Taylor says she’s feeling panicked because she fears Nick will “give in to the manipulation” from Corinne. Corinne downs white wine during her interview and literally says “Come at me, I’ll getcha.” Women who receive roses: Whitney, Danielle L., Jasmine, Rachel, Jamie, Josephine, Vanessa, Alexis, Danielle M., Corinne, and Taylor. Sarah broke our hearts as she left, but honestly I couldn’t remember anything about her so not a shocker. Astrid also went home.

 

New Orleans

When the girls arrive at their penthouse rooms in New Orleans, Chris Harrison stops by in his khaki suit jacket to tell them there will be a dreaded two-on-one date, in which one girl almost always goes home. Three guesses who’s going on that date.

Rachel is picked for the one-on-one date. For those of us who kinda forgot Rachel was on this show, she won the first impression rose and a group date rose. They walk through some fresh air markets, and Rachel is a good sport, shooting oysters in a white shirt. They spend lots of time being snuggly and making out literally all over the city. As they sit down to try Nick’s first beignet, he says he feels “the most explosive chemistry” with Rachel, out of all the girls. He goes to town on that beignet, which Rachel finds adorable. Then as they’re walking down the street a second line band comes down the street, playing and dancing. Nick and Rachel join in, and Nick shows off his dance moves. Those hips do not lie.

Rachel

At dinner, things take a turn for the serious when Rachel tells Nick how she was recently in NOLA for a funeral. They bond over how both of their parents have been married for more than 30 years. He talks about meeting her dad, the federal judge. Nick shares his fears about how he’s already asked two sets of parents permission to get engaged. “I might be breaking rules here, but I’m super into you.” Nick says, in response to Rachel saying she’s surprised by how strongly she likes him. She gets the rose, obv.

 

Group Date

haunted house

When the group date card is dropped off, the girls find out Corinne and Taylor are going on the two-on-one date. Because drama. Raven, in typical Raven fashion simply says, “I think they will fight to the death.”

Nick and the women go to a haunted house, where they are told a story about a little girl ghost girl named May who is haunting the house, looking for her doll. Nick tries to be funny about it, and Jamie calls him out, telling him to get into the spirit of things. Nick and some of the women ask the Ouija board if May is there, and as its moving the lights go out. Nick and two of the women go upstairs to find the doll, which of course is missing, especially after they were all told expressly not to touch it. Josephine goes into detective mode, trying to find out why there are covered statues. Jasmine touches the thing she’s not supposed to touch and a chandelier falls from the ceiling. Nick is super creeped out. Then he says “I don’t want May (the ghost) to feel like I’m not giving her the attention she deserves.” Because that’s a thing. Raven tells Nick she’s in love with him. His response? “Wait…”

Danielle M. gets the rose, which is super awesome because she’s the sweetest, but super awkward for Raven.

At home, Corinne calls Taylor too high maintenance, as she struggles to open a bottle of champagne in the bathtub and orders room service. She uses the word “intelligency” and America’s collective brain melts. Meanwhile, Taylor breaths in smelling salts and surrounds herself with candles as she meditates.

Capture

 

Two On One

Awkward. They take a boat ride through the bayou, into swampland. “Omg. I’m in the jungle,” Corinne says. In the middle of the woods they are met by a voodoo priestess, who says she wants to bring out the truth. They got to a tarot card reader, who picks up on a lot of tension, and instead chooses Taylor to read first, sending Nick and Corinne off to chat. Taylors cards tell her to be aware of a toxic relationship and to not engage. Corinne tells Nick Taylor emotionally attacked her and made her feel bullied. When it’s Taylor’s turn to chat with Nick, he straight up addresses the Corinne issue. During her card reading, Corinne is told her mouth gets her into trouble. Shocker. Then she asks how to make a voodoo doll “specific to a person.” Cut to dramatic music and a close up of Corinne putting a pushpin in the doll.

bayou

And then Nick gives Corinne the rose and Taylor goes into a voodoo cleansing ceremony in the middle of the bayou. AND THEN Taylor shows up on Corinne’s dinner date with Nick. Classic “The Bachelor.”

Quote of the night: “Their relationship will be made up of whipped cream and LIES.”

Gillian Smith

Gillian is a videographer by day and a writer by night. A native of Boston, MA, she is a loyal Red Sox fan, company member of DanceWorks Boston, and lover of baked goods. She does not eat ketchup.

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