Guys. This is huge. Yuge. Yuuuuuge. That’s not even funny anymore. It’s just real. And so is this:
Those pants with the writing on the butt might be making a comeback. And we need to talk about it.
First, the 90s came back. Chokers, jelly sandals, overalls. It’s been a god damn 90s revolution these past couple of years, and now, it’s not even just the 90s. The early 2000s have started to resurface. Off-the-shoulder tops, ripped jeans, shirts that lace up at the chest. When these trends started emerging, I thought to myself, “wow, is Abercrombie & Fitch going to become cool again?” But it’s so much more than A&F. It’s tight polos. It’s velour sweatsuits. It’s logos (gag me with dat spoon). It’s PANTS WITH MOTHER FUCKING WRITING ON THE MOTHER FUCKING ASS.
I am always thinking about the past (that sounds depressing, but it’s really not, I swear). The trends that have come and gone. The horrible clothing my parents wasted their money on. Nostalgia, so hot right now, so hot always. But there is one thing I somehow forgot about. One thing I managed to push out of my memory, completely.
I was reminded of this forgotten trend the other day when I got out of my barre class and noticed new clothing on the racks for spring (YAY, NEW THINGS TO BUY). But then, oh my god, there they were. Pants with writing on the butt. Yoga pants that say “good karma” on the BUTT. Yoga pants that said “namaste” on the ass in that fucking arch.
NAMASTE PANTS? NAMAST-AY OUT OF THESE PANTS.
They were just hanging there, channeling the Juicy Couture pants that said “Juicy” on the butt and all of my Soffee shorts (RIP) that exclaimed “Cheer” and “Dance” on my ass. It was like my mind was transported back to 2004 and I saw my 16-year-old self rocking this trend and it was NOT GOOD.
Honestly, seeing these pants almost gave me a stroke. I have thought about what would happen if tight polos and logo-ridden handbags made a comeback, and although I am not okay with these things ever coming back out from deep inside of our closets, I’ve at least processed that these things may become cool again (I mean, chokers were cool for 6 months in 2016, anything is possible). I have NOT yet processed pants with writing on the butt coming back.
The difference now is that our pants are so much tighter now. Back in the day, the words were glued across the back of sweatpants and boyfriend jeans. Our pants weren’t skin tight like they are now. Literally, as Kellyanne Conway said, we are now the black stretch pants women of America (AND WE ARE PROUD, OKAY?!!?)!!!! Are we now going to be the black stretch pants women with writing on the ass of America?
Parents and teachers were fucking pissed as shit when we had writing on our butts back then. Imagine a bunch of 16-year-olds walking around wearing Lululemon yoga pants that say “Sassy AF” on the back. Because oh my god, it might happen you guys. THIS. MIGHT. HAPPEN.
This is our reality. So even though we’re still all excited that the ’90s are back, we need to be aware that the 2000s are slowly creeping back into our lives and OH MY GOD WE MUST STOP THE 2000S FROM A FULL-FLEDGED COMEBACK. Who’s with me?!?!
(If these pants DO make a real comeback, I’m sorry for when I, like, start wearing them because I, like, love trends and things and stuff. Bye.)