The Bachelor Breakdown: Someone Give Raven An Orgasm

Previously on “The Bachelor”… FREAKING ANDI SHOWED UP and Nick hilariously welcomes her into his hotel room and says “Well I need a drink…” Their convo on the couch is extremely awkward. Nick tells Andi he has “four strong, strong-minded women,” and Andi goes “And they’ve stuck around?!”

Then he says he might not even get engaged. “I’m not going to pick one just because she’s the last one standing.” Then they start talking about the Fantasy Suite dates and Andi just straight up asks him if he is going to have sex. Then she tells him that he has “every right to be intimate” with the women. This whole awkward interaction is oddly satisfying, giving them a chance to apologize for hurting each other and getting some closure.

Bonus: Cameo by Andi’s “let’s hear it” frown. A+.

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Rose Ceremony

After leaving the women standing outside for what seems like an eternity in the cold, Nick finally arrives for the rose ceremony. After an “amazing” week of hometowns, he says saying goodbye to the woman he is sending home is very difficult. And so it begins.

Raven gets the first rose, which is not at all surprising considering their ATVing adventure in the mud and his connection with her family. Rachel gets the second rose, which is SHOCKING because two weeks ago they announced she was going to be the next Bachelorette. I do not understand. Chris Harrison comes out with his “final rose” speech. Vanessa gets the last rose, which means the end of the road for Corinne.

Corinne starts crying and apologizing for anything she might have done wrong. Nick tells her she has nothing to regret or second guess, making this a very awkward break up. “I’m going to miss the hell out of you,” he tells her, which is so unfair to her. “Why can’t I just have a normal relationship?” she wonders, forgetting she is on a reality TV show. “I’m done trying to impress these men. I’m going to be me and whatever happens, happens.” And then she is all of us when she closes her eyes and goes to sleep.

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Fantasy Suite

We’re going to Finland! (Where it looks cold AF).

Raven is chosen for the first Finland date, pretty much a million miles from her hometown. They take off in a helicopter, taking in the views from above. Raven says she regrets not telling Nick she loves him during hometowns, so she wants to make she takes advantage of the time she has. They hang out in a pub and it’s probably the most normal date we’ve seen on the Bachelor yet. They are so relaxed and seem to be having so much fun. They decide that Nick will fold clothes and Raven will fold the laundry, and they might as well run off together right now.

Thanks to the previews, we see Raven tell Nick that she’s only slept with one person and has never had an orgasm. Cue awkward reaction from Nick. Poor Raven spends the entire day being super nervous about the Fantasy Suite, and also worrying about telling him she loves him. I think she’s forgotten that she already told him she loves him earlier this season? She tells Nick how comfortable he makes her and they both get teary-eyed as she tells him she loved seeing him with his family. “With every step of the way, you have made it so easy for me to love you,” she said. “It would be the worst thing I could do to not tell you that.”

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All of a sudden, the episode is over and we have to wait for next week’s three-hour episode to see how Vanessa’s and Rachel’s dates go.

Side note: The credit montage at the end is Nick trying to chop trees, lift branches and do lots of Rocky-esque moves. Oh Nick.

Gillian Smith

Gillian is a videographer by day and a writer by night. A native of Boston, MA, she is a loyal Red Sox fan, company member of DanceWorks Boston, and lover of baked goods. She does not eat ketchup.

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