Why You’re Probably Always Asking Yourself, “What Happened To All My Friends?”

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“I have no friends.” –A statement said by almost everyone after they graduate from college at least once… or, let’s be serious, at least once a week.

In college, the world revolved around our social lives. We were forced into being around people at all times. We lived with our friends and lived near other friends. We always had at least two or more people to hang out with at all times. To be honest, I don’t really remember class – I just remember socializing.

If we wanted to go out on a Friday in college, we never had to ask people if they wanted to hang out. We just had to ask people what they were doing, which party they were headed to, which bar they were going to, or which house they were going to pregame at. We never had to invite ourselves because the invite was already on the table. Never did we ever have trouble going out. We only had trouble NOT going out when we actually had to finish a paper or felt sick. Even if we were in that ‘I hate everyone‘ mood that usually emerged a week or so before each break, we would still go out. Because what if we missed out on a really awesome night? College was FOMO.

After you graduate, things become different. Instead of going to class and writing papers, you work during the week, leaving the weekends free for partying. But for some reason, you don’t party that much, or at least as much as you did in college. You’re tired. You’re worried about money. You don’t want to commit to plans in case you get tired… or in case better plans come along. You’re selfish. You’re doing you on your schedule. And everyone else is doing the same.

Because of this, you often have no one to hang out with when you want to do something. Since your friends don’t live in walking distance, the thought of driving somewhere, looking for parking, sleeping on a floor, and (even worse) going out in bad weather is terrifying. And totally not worth it. When you graduated, you said goodbye to FOMO (kind of). Now, you only fear going out and spending money when you could be saving money and sitting on the couch. Yet you are a hypocrits. Because if someone else uses one of the above excuses after you ask them to go out, you get upset. And then come to the one and only conclusion that makes sense: You have no friends.

BUT YOU DO. Life is just different now. You do what we want with who you want when you want – or at least when your schedules allow you to. Everyone is doing different things at different times. You’re working late when others are out early. You’re busy on weekends when other people are planning things. You have money when other people don’t. And vice versa.

It sucks when you can’t just pack your cutest outfits and head out on a road trip to visit your best college friends for the weekend. It’s expensive, it’s time consuming, and you can’t just take a day off of work for it. And it sucks when people can’t visit you in return. Most of your friends aren’t the people who live in the same town as you anymore (whether that be your hometown or college town). They’re the people who live a few towns away. A few hours away. A few states away. Even across the country.

With all these factors it’s no wonder you constantly feel like you have no friends. But just because you stayed in for an entire weekend, it doesn’t mean you have no friends. You’re just growing up. Work is tiring, and your body can’t handle blacking out three nights in a row anymore. You just have to get used to it. You’re not going to be able to get together with everyone all the time anymore. That’s how it’s going to be from here on out, and honestly – your life is only going to get busier.

Life is busy. People are busy. Some are actually busy – and others say they’re busy just because they don’t feel like hanging out with you. And when you figure out the difference, you’ll have a better idea of who your real friends are. But don’t turn into a paranoid idiot – you still have friends. The ones that stick around – the ones you can go without seeing for months and have everything be the same when you do – are the ones that count. The others are not exactly what one would call ‘friends,’ and although it sucks to admit, losing one or two friends isn’t the end of the world. You can’t generalize your loss of one or two (or three) friends into ‘having no friends‘ – because you do. So stop complaining. It’s all part of growing up.

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. I like pizza, French fries, barre class, spinning, more pizza, more French fries, and clothes. I have a serious shopping problem. Writing is fun. Follow me on the twitter - @samanthamatt1.

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