I’ve really come to terms with the fact that I am now an old soul compared to those in college, and even those right out of college. It has helped to remind myself that I still much younger than people older than me. Side note: I moonlight as captain obvious.
Regardless of my recent “I am only 28, I am still young, okay?” revelation, there are still things that make me feel really, super old. Some examples include: Going to my 17-year-old brother’s prom picture (that was V scary). Using teen slang like ‘V’ and ‘low-key’ and ‘lit’ and then realizing I sound like a fucking moron. When the internet celebrates 20th anniversaries of things like The Spice Girls and Nsync. All of these things make me panic for a sec, but then I remind myself: you blacked out two weekends ago and ate Chinese food at 3am. You might have a drinking problem, but you’re not old.
BUT THEN I unintentionally went on this 2009 music binge on Spotify listening to songs from my college years and it hit me… The people graduating from college next month (the class of 2017) was listening to this shit in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Yes, that’s right. Instead of screaming the words to ‘Lady Marmalade’ and slow dancing to Nsync’s ‘This I Promise You,’ these almost-adults were grinding (if they even still do that these days! they probably do something even worse, the HORROR!) to ‘Blame It (On The Alcohol)’ by Jamie Foxx and dancing to Queen Bey’s ‘Single Ladies.’
Want to know something even more horrifying? They spent 5th grade listening to ‘The Whisper Song’ and rapping ‘I’m looking for a dime,’ and the rest of their single digit years consisted of listening to J-Kwon and 50 Cent. OH. And songs we listened to AFTER graduating college? They listened to those in high school. OH MY GOD, BUT THAT WAS YESTERDAY.
Now – get ready for it – THESE PEOPLE ARE COMING TO A CUBICLE NEAR YOU AS EARLY AS THIS MAY.
Oh my god. How. Why. What. How did we get to here? Why are we so old? What is happening?
Here are 40 songs the college class of 2017 listened to at middle school dances, because your college nostalgia is their childhood nostalgia. God help us all.
1. Sexyback – Justin Timberlake
2. Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin’) – T-Pain ft Young Joc
3. Umbrella – Rihanna ft Jay-Z
4. What Goes Around…Comes Around – JT
5. I Wanna F*ck You – Akon ft Snoop Dogg
6. Glamorous – Fergie ft Ludacris
7. Smack That – Akon ft Eminem
8. The Sweet Escape – Gwen Stefani ft Akon
9. Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie
10. Make It Rain – Fat Joe ft Lil Wayne
11. Crank That (Soulja Boy) – Soulja Boy Tell Em
12. Kiss Kiss – Chris Brown ft T-Pain
13. Low – Flo Rida ft T-Pain
14. Paper Planes – M.I.A.
15. A Milli – Lil Wayne
16. Lollipop – Lil Wayne
17. Got Money – Lil Wayne
18. American Boy – Estelle ft Kanye West
19. Just Dance – Lady Gaga
20. Good Life – Kanye West
21. Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) – Wyclef Jean ft Akon, Lil Wayne, & Niia
22. Stronger – Kanye West
23. You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift
24. I’m Yours – Jason Mraz
25. Justin Bieber – One Time
26. Single Ladies – Beyonce
27. Best I Ever Had – Drake
28. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) – Pitbull
29. Live Your Life – T.I.
30. Right Round – Flo Rida
31. Blame It – Jamie Foxx
32. Poker Face – Lady Gaga
33. Beautiful – Akon
34. Boom Boom Pow -Black Eyed Peas
35. Whatever You Like – T.I.
36. Forever – Chris Brown
37. Love Story – Taylor Swift
38. Good Girls Go Bad – Cobra Starship
39. Watcha Say – Jason Derulo
40. Fire Burning – Sean Kingston