10 Things That Make Me Happy

1. The smell of sharpies. I actually wrote this list with a sharpie originally (yes I wrote it down on paper). Hence the first thing on this list being the smell of sharpies. Also, instead of sharpies, I originally wrote shit. The smell of shit. Awesome.

2. Bitches Ain’t Shit by Ben Folds. Its always good to hear white people attempt to use ‘black people words.’ Also, perhaps I confused the above ‘sharpies’ with this ‘shit’ when first writing this list. Who knows.

3. The fact that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are getting a divorce. Suri’s life was way too boring before. But now that she has divorced parents, her life will be much more interesting. As will her blog, Suri’s Burn Book.

4. Things Ryan O’Connell writes on Thought Catalog. He is hilarious. You should check out his work. Now.

5. The rumors about the Today Show anchors. Boy, do I love a good scandal. Especially when we have absolutely no idea if it’s true or completely made up. We all know Ann Curry was booted from the show due to bad ratings… and Savannah Guthrie took her place. However, Natalie Morales (who has worked there longer) is supposedly pissed she didn’t get the position and has threatened to quit because of it. Supposedly, though, Natalie slept with Matt Lauer and his wife threatened to divorce him if Natalie took Ann’s place. Oh – and there is another rumor that Natalie’s kid is casually Matt’s. NBD. Wtf, Today. WTF.

6. iPhone Autocorrect. The iPhone has a mind of it’s own. And for some reason, it’s very, very, very smart. Whenever I’m feeling down, all I have to do is spell something wrong and the iPhone will correct it into something that makes sense in the sentence i used – but is wrong. And by wrong I mean really silly. Ha.

7. Margaritas. It’s Summer. So obviously I had to put margaritas on this list. Frozen, on the rocks, I don’t care. Hand me one and I’ll stop talking (that is a rare occasion).

8. People who don’t know much about politics, but yet rant about it on social media and in person. I won’t lie. I don’t know much about politics. I know enough – as in that there are two parties and what each candidate running for pres believes in. But I don’t know enough to yell, scream, and type novels about it… So I keep my mouth shut. And if you’re the same as me, you should too. I mean, at least I know moving to Canada to avoid universal healthcare is a bad idea.

9. Any song by Pitbull. Sure they all sound the same, but each one makes me want to run a marathon even though that is physically impossible for me.

10. Adele’s Pregnancy. JK. I really don’t care about it. At all. I mean, I highly doubt she’s even over her ex. I’m still pissed at him. But anyway, congrats to her!

10 Things I Learned In Atlantic City

This past weekend I took my first trip to Atlantic City from Boston. After a 6 hour car ride of holding in pee while waiting in traffic, my boyfriend and I finally arrived. We stayed at Harrah’s in the waterfront tower and obv felt like ballers with our awesome view. The baller-like feeling continued as we gambled away our savings, ate away our feelings, and drove around in limos. And we stood right next to Kim Kardashian. NBD.

The view.

During my 3 day stay in AC, I learned a lot about the place. And not the actual city – that place is absolutely disgusting and I am happy to be alive after driving through it in cabs to get to the boardwalk and back. For those from Boston, it’s like Mattapan on crack. Scary. But in the resorts (and at the beach bars), AC is fine. In fact, it’s glorious. Especially when the Gronkowski brothers are sleeping a few floors away from you. Here are 10 things I learned while gallivanting in Atlantic City during Memorial Day Weekend:

1. People in Jersey love big hoop earings. Why? I don’t know. While sitting at the pool, I watched 6 girls walk in front of me to retrieve lounge chairs… And each were wearing large, silver, hoop earings… like each one of them. And later at the club (Harrah’s The Pool After Dark) I watched far too many girls with large hoop earings and tight, cheap dressings stroll by me. UGH.

2. Quit while you’re ahead. Gambling is not ideal for a recent grad living on an entry-level salary, but hey – when you’re in Vegas AC, you kind of have to gamble throw away all your money. I’ve learned in the past not to play slots. They are boring, I don’t understand them, and most people who play them are fat and smoke cigarettes (no thanks). So this time, my boyfriend and I decided to play blackjack. At first I was like WTF. But then, I understood what was going on… Eventually we were up 250 dollars (high rollers). So what did we do? We kept playing until we lost all that money and then… 200 more. Oops. The next day we went back to what we thought was our lucky table to lose even more money. We won that money back though… but decided not to try to win back the other losses. At least we know now… quit while you’re ahead.

3. The beach is fucking freezing. Although it is hot by the pool, that does not mean it will be hot by the ocean. I legit would have sweat dripping down my legs and then would drive 2 miles closer to the ocean and start shaking. Part of this may have had to do with the fact that I had sun poisoning, but whatever… The girls bartending at the beach bars had to wear bikinis. Just straight up bikinis. I was shivering in a cardigan. Props to them.

4. Revel is awesome. Revel is a brand new casino that opened this past weekend in AC. It is absolutely gorgeous and extremely modern. Very Vegas-like. They even have burlesque dancers half-naked dancing on tables. And they don’t charge you for red bull vodkas in the casino. Score.

5. People love Kim Kardashian. I guess I never realized how many guidos (and guidettes) loved Kim Kardashian. She was ‘hosting’ a party at the casino we were staying at (Harrah’s) at the infamous Pool After Dark (which is, like, the coolest place ever). They closed the pool at 3pm, which was good because I had already developed sun poisoning, and they kicked everyone out unless you paid $50, wore a tight cheap dress and sunglasses (inside), and brought a string bikini in your crossbody bag. Not even kidding. Totally not my scene. The party started at 3pm and went until 4am. By midnight the club was packed and so was the hotel lobby… Actually more like the entire hotel. Kim didn’t show up until around 1am. I was there, though, standing right next to her at one point right outside the club. And I didn’t even have to pay 50 dollars.

The crowds of people waiting for Kim to walk by...
My BF's shot of Kim after sitting down playing Madden on his phone while everyone waited for her to walk by.

6. Yards of alcohol look fun, until your drink gets all over you while trying to finish it. I’ve hard yard margaritas before… My most memorable being one in the Bahamas… but I don’t think I’ve ever had such a problem finishing it before. While sitting at this beach bar surrounded by drunken, shirtless men and dancing girls, I drank my yard margarita through a straw while shivering due to alcohol poisoning and a sea breeze. Soon enough, I couldn’t drink it through the straw anymore (they really need to invest in some longer straws…), so my only choice was to drink it straight up from the top. Of course, this led to me spilling the majority of remaining rita all over my dress. Class act.

7. All guidos wear sunglasses inside. People watching was at it’s prime in Harrah’s this past Sunday night. Jersey’s finest guidos were either attending the club Kim Kardashian would be appearing at… and the cheap ones were standing around the hotel waiting to catch a glimpse of Kim walking by ($50 cover? no thanks). I of course got caught up in the hype… and the crowds of people were not allowing me to get to the elevator, so I stayed and watched everything around me. And let me tell you – I have never seen so many guidos walk by with sunglasses on inside. They were short. They were jacked. They were wearing graphic tees. They looked fake. The best was when 4 of them walked by in a straight line all wearing sunglasses. What do these sunglasses do, boys? WHAT DO THEY DO?

8. Some limos will drive you around for 15 dollars. My boyfriend and I were waiting outside Caesar’s Palace trying to get a cab. We waited so long that we made friends with another couple… and before we knew it, a limo driver rolled down his windows and asked where we were going. Umm, okay. We asked how much it would be. Fifteen dollars. Ha. We got in and casually rolled up to our hotel in a limo.

9. There is more than one tanning mom. So obviously the tanning mom is from Jersey… but she is not the only one. They are everywhere! They are dark. They are wrinkly. And they frequent casinos. While tanning on the sun deck at our hotel, I sat next to one (a tanning mom). I don’t know why she was even bothering to tan. Her skin looked like it was about to fall off. Literally. I could feel the heat coming off of her. Not okay.

10. Electronic black jack is not okay. I know you win sometimes, because we did, but this game is totally rigged. Are you kidding? You want us to bet hundreds of dollars on a computer game? Yeaaaaah okay. No thanks. But we did it anyway. At first we were up by $250… but then before we knew it we were losing every hand. It was out of control. We should have stopped after the 20th angry casino go-er came up to the table and asked where the real tables were – and complained that this game was rigged. As first time gamblers-not-at-slots we didn’t know. But now we do. Electronic games where the computer chooses what you win are NOT okay.

Help me... I'm poor.

So we might have lost some money, but the vacation was totally worth it. Next time, I would definitely stay longer than 2 nights… I live 6 hours away so there was a lot to do in such a short amount of time. And by the time we got back (after 8 hours of traffic!), we were dead. Not to mention, we had to go to struggle at work the next day. My recommendations: We had amazing food at Luke Palladino’s one of the nights. Like, amazing. There was this pesto dish that blew Trader Joe’s pesto tortellini bowl out of the water (and that’s, like, one of my favorite things to eat!).

As for recommendations… I don’t recommend getting massages from random Asians on the boardwalk… but my boyfriend would. I do recommend going to Revel – that place is unreal. And I do recommend getting wasted at the beach bars. For the sole reason that crazy beach bars exist that you don’t have to drive to, I would go back to AC every weekend if I could. RAGE. If you’ve been to AC, what recommendations do you have for 20-somethings looking for a good time?

20-Somethings Love: Cinco de Mayo

Every year on the 5th of May, 20-somethings everywhere break out their inner Mexicans and rage like there is no tomorrow. They wear oversized sombreros while drinking large, icy cold margaritas (thirsty anyone?). They eat tortilla chips with guac and salsa. They purchase big bottles of patron (okay, fine – more like large bottles of cheap tequila) and they fill up on coronas. And they make sure they have enough limes to do all of this and more.

I’m sure 90% of 20-somethings out there have no idea (and don’t really give a shit) what the point of Cinco de Mayo is (like from a historical standpointboring). All we know is that May 5th is a day dedicated to drinking thanks to some Mexican people and their beloved tequila (I know this from Entourage).

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, we have devised a list of 10 things 20-something post-grads must do in order to have a successful fiesta this Saturday from the pre-game to the party to the bar to the (bull) fight:

  • Get a piñata. I’m talking a colorful donkey that people can wack the shit out of. Put candy in it. Put condoms in it. Put (plastic) nips in it. Why not even put some quesadillas in it?
  • Make a Mexican themed playlist. This means the ‘Macarena,’ ‘Hot Hot Hot,’ ‘Tequila,’ ‘La Bamba,’ and ‘Margaritaville.’ Now put these 5 songs on a loop (in addition to any song by Ricky Martin) and try not to jump out the window.
  • Wear a sombrero! Yes, really. Like Halloween, Cinco de Mayo gives you an excuse to dress like an idiot. So put on that big, floppy hat and rock it like you’ve never rocked a hat before. Perhaps pair it was a stick-on mustache (mustache party anyone?).
  • Eat Mexican food. If you’re hosting a party or pre-game, have Mexican themed food available for your friends. Such foods include chips and guac or salsa… and quesadillas. If you’re going to a party and would like to bring something, take some Mexican themed food with you for the ride. Everyone loves the friend who brings food.
  • Go to a bar with a Mexican theme. Any bar whose title includes the word ‘cantina,’ ‘border,’ ‘sunset,’ or ‘Acapulco’ is safe

    Your new friends..
  • Go out early. This year, Cinco de Mayo happens to fall on a Saturday. Now, we all know how bad this holiday can be on weekdays… but now that the world will be able to go out for this year’s fiesta– and the college students will be celebrating their ‘spring weekends’ and saying goodbye to classes in addition – things will be wild. So secure your spot at a Mexican place early, or you will end up at some Irish pub, Japanese restaurant, or back at your apartment (really pissed off).
  • Order one (or more… definitely more) of the following: Margarita on the rocks (any flavor), Frozen margarita (any flavor), Corona, Tequila shot(s), and/or any other mixed drink involving tequila. Don’t be a pussy and buy a Bud Light Lime. It’s mother fucking Cinco de Mayo. Pay your dues.
  • Eat more Mexican food (at the bar). This means ordering nachos, chips and guac, chips and salsa, quesadillas, tacos, burritos… I don’t care what you eat – as long as it’s Mexican.
  • If you feel the urge to fight someone, only do so ‘bull’ style. AKA hold up a sheet in front of the person you are angry at and make them run at it (that’s what a bull fight is, right? because I actually have no idea).
  • Be near a bathroom at all times (yup).

Happy Cinco de Mayo 20-somethings. OLE!

20-Somethings Love: Margaritas

Nothing says ‘I don’t give a fuck’ more than a big, fat margarita – frozen or on the rocks. When you picture a margarita, you not only picture the drink, but you picture freedom. Margaritas are usually associated with vacations on tropical islands, happy hours after work, and – well – happiness in general. Margaritas are great for casual drinking and rage drinking. I mean, if you’re looking to get wasted, why not enjoy what you’re drinking while doing it? Let’s be serious – no one actually enjoys taking shots of vodka (or at least I don’t – thank you freshman year of college).

Different Kinds:

There are many different kinds of margaritas out there. You have ‘regular’ margaritas, which taste like lime… and if you want to get expensive, you can make a ‘top shelf margarita’ (cue the patron). Then you have flavored fruity margaritas – which can be strawberry (my fave), pomegranate, mango,  raspberry, melon, etc. The best part is that you can change of any of these awesome drinks to a frozen drink (which is perfect for the beach – or if you didn’t eat dinner and want to feel full – it’s all about the illusion). You can also choose if you want salt, sugar, or nothing on the rim. YUM. You can even make a virgin margarita for the young-ins. Everyone wins!

Marg Madness.

The Health Factor

Margaritas vary in calories. It really depends where you’re drinking them and what kind you get. Of course, a frozen margarita from Friday’s is going to full of cals (but they’re just soooo good)… but a homemade margarita on the rocks probably won’t be that bad. In fact, margaritas can be 100 calories or less! These are called ‘skinny margaritas’ and many restaurants have them on their menu now. This is all thanks to Bethenny, who invented the ‘Skinny Girl Margarita.’ I happened to be a big fan of SGM… and then I only drank SGM for 3 months straight… You can imagine how sick of it I was after that. But, if you drink it in small doses, it’s not that bad!

Hun-cal ritas? Sign me up!

Ritas vs Margs:

So you want to celebrate this fantastic holiday tonight and you are sending a mass text out to your friends asking if they want to get margaritas. However, you are in a dilemma. As a true 20-something, you must use abbreves (your friends are busy and do not have time to read full words… and frankly, you don’t have the time to write them)… so when abbreviating ‘margarita’ what do you say? ‘Wanna get margs after work?‘ or ‘Meet me for ritas later?’ Margs or ritas? Ritas or margs? It is a serious dilemma. Personally, I use both for different occasions. When drinking in my own apartment or at someone else’s, I use ‘margs.’ This is probably because ‘makin’ margs’ sounds more fun than ‘makin’ ritas.’ When I’m getting the drink at a restaurant or bar, I use ‘ritas.’ I don’t know why – this is just how it has always worked for me. What about you?

Need this now.

Ways to Celebrate ‘National Margarita Day’:

If you haven’t already heard, today is National Margarita Day (hence the margarita dedicated post). Maybe you will celebrate and maybe you won’t. If you are planning to celebrate (and who wouldn’t) here are some things you can do: 1. Casual drunk (Mexican) dinner with friends involving ritas. 2. Make margs with a few friends, sit on the couch, and watch TV until you all pass out. 3. Go out and fill up on top shelf ritas at the nearest bar. or 4. Go to your friend’s apt and make sure someone brings a ‘marg making machine.’ It’s necessary.

Wait... They knew they were being filmed?! I thought this was a reality show!

Whether or not you decide to celebrate ‘National Margarita Day’ today, you can still celebrate Margaritas any other day of the week. So if work won’t let you go home (cough me cough), no worries – celebrate margaritas this weekend. We love margaritas every day!