Hi guys. Today I was kicked off my parent’s health insurance. Happy birthday to me.
Sooooooooooo in honor of that, I am bringing you 10 things I started doing this past year, while I was *25,* that you may start doing too as you progress through your 20s. WHAT WILL I START DOING THIS YEAR AT AGE 26? I guess we’ll find out… as I continue to get OLD. AS. FUCK.
1. You will eat and enjoy vegetables. And then talk about how you eat and enjoy vegetables. I am personally a big fan of anything roasted right now. Brussel sprouts, cauliflower, green beans, butternut squash. I currently eat all the things you avoided every Thanksgiving as a child. AND I LIKE THEM. I think you acquire taste buds for vegetables as you get older. Thoughts?
2. You will consider hanging out with people, sober. I know, guys. This sounds terrifying. And sometimes it is. But you can’t always drink. And you can’t always be anti-social. So you’re going to have to find sober things to do with people. What those things are, I don’t know. But you’re going to have to start doing them.
3. You will shop at places like Banana Republic, and actually like the clothes at places like Banana Republic. However, you will never really be able to afford places like Banana Republic in your 20s… but, like, will you ever? And does it even matter? Credit cards exist for a reason. Right?
4. You will be okay with skipping the pre-game… because you can actually afford to go straight to the bar now. Actually, just kidding. You can’t. You just don’t want to admit that you can’t afford going to straight to the bar, so you pretend you can and then spend money that was supposed to be for rent and/or new shoes. I think the real reason we now skip the pre-game, though, is because we spend way too much time debating whether or not we should go out that by the time we do decide to go out, the pre-game window has closed. To the bar you go… sober. Shots anyone?
5. You will enjoy staying in more than enjoy going out. I mean, you can’t hate a night spent with your couch, Netflix, and yoga pants. It sure beats having to SHOWER and DO YOUR HAIR and PICK AN OUTFIT and GO OUTSIDE. What even is outside?
6. You will talk about weddings. Can’t stop, won’t stop. People keep getting engaged. More and more people each year. And then there are weddings, and parties. A million parties, to be exact. A million for each wedding. Your life is becoming one giant wedding and chances are, it’s not yours. But you’ll talk about them like they are because what else do you have to talk about? Your really cool trip to Bed Bath and Beyond where you bought new bedding? Nahhh. That really awesome weekend you had where you partied, like, so hard? No, umm, that never happened. But that wedding next week? Sure.
7. You will get really weirded out when you see a picture of someone your age with their child, which they may have actually tried to get pregnant with, because that’s now a thing. Ahhhhhh my parents had me when they were my age ahhhhhhhh. (I don’t actually think they were “trying” though… but hey, they had been dating for 10 years… so any way you look at it I’m still not at their level, which is good.)
8. You will go to bed early. Bedtimes are for children and adults. So now that you’re an adult, it’s okay to go to bed at 10pm right? OMG I LOVE SLEEP.
9. You will have a million errands to run every weekend. Seriously, every time Friday rolls around I am like I have to do this and this and this and this and this and this. Literally, I could go to three grocery stores in one day and then be so wiped out by the time I’m done that I cannot do anything except watch TV on my couch while refreshing Facebook on my Macbook. Life is so hard and weekends are too short. Help.
10. You will not give a fuck. I know, I know. I put this one in all my articles but it’s so true. That’s why my articles progressively get more honest with every one I write. Because I am giving less and less of a fuck as time goes on. I used to have the worst FOMO known to man, but now it’s flown away with my youth. The only kinda FOMO I have now is when I fear I am missing out on spending quality time with my couch because I AM SO TIRED. Like, hi, I love wine and vodka but I don’t have time for hangovers because (see above #9) I HAVE A MILLION ERRANDS TO RUN.
Life is life. I am 26. I have 4 more years left until this blog becomes slightly irrelevant to me, but wait no just kidding. Even when I’m not a 20-something, thanks to this whole INTERNET PERSONA I’ve created for myself, I’ll forever be a 20-somethings, SO HA BITCHES. GOT U.
So anyway…. like Jay-Z and that 80s group said, I’m forever young. Just one year older and a bit more into vegetables and my couch, nbd.