1. You could eat all the candy you wanted. Calories literally didn’t count.
2. You could wear your costume to school. Dressing up as a witch for a new client meeting isn’t going to help seal the deal when you have to be a grown-up. And wearing an orange dress with black shoes to work doesn’t count.
3. Mom and dad would overpay for a costume to make you happy and take you to every store to find it. Now you shop the best deal and contemplate skipping a costume or making one to work with your budget.
4. You would go to the pumpkin patch, take cute pictures, would draw a face on the pumpkin and then had someone else carve it for you and deal with the mess of scraping out seeds. And now you’re a perfectionist and its lopsided smile drives you crazy (OCD.)
5. When you’re a kid, only a sugar rush and crash occurred. Not hangovers. TGIF for Halloween this year.
6. Candy corn used to be delicious and so looked forward to. Now it tastes like wax and so not worth the calories.
7. You could wear big poofy princess dresses and other naïve and cute characters and not overly sexed and uncomfortable and unflattering “sexy” outfits that are pretty much expected at Halloween. Sexy Olaf is NOT okay.
8. It was okay to be scared. It’s kind of cute to be scared when you are a kid. When you’re a grown-up, screaming and peeing in your pants is not as acceptable at a haunted house.
9. Your mom put a piece of candy or two in your lunchbox for school. You’re lucky if you even have time for lunch now.
10. And perhaps the saddest one of all, you can no longer go trick-or-treating to accumulate candy from random neighbors. Looks like you may have to “borrow” someone’s kid to get away with it. Until you have your own of course… but let’s get one thing straight — THAT’S NOT HAPPENING ANY TIME SOON.