When I first heard TSwift’s new song, I didn’t know what to think. At first I was like, ‘okay, this is an interesting beat, it’s no Shake It Off pop anthem, but it’s got something ’90s going on (coughImTooSexycough) that I can get into,’ but then she started… talking. The talking literally killed me. Actually, the line about the ‘feast’ was weird, but after that it was just like what the FUCK is happening.
Flash forward a few days later and I’ve got the song on replay (not straight replay, but it keeps coming on Spotify, idk why, just kidding I keep putting it on). The talking part still pisses me off, and sometimes I skip ahead during it. But whatever, it’s a few seconds.
So what gave the song a second life for me? Two things:
1. The rebirth of Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m Too Sexy.” Are you kidding? I love that shit. I still listen to ’90s dance music regularly. I will now be patiently waiting for someone to sample ‘Another Night,’ ‘Good Vibrations,’ or some mother fucking La Bouche in a current day song.
2. The video! First off, the “hidden messages” in the video were [100% emoji here]. Or since they’re not really hidden, the “messages.” The old Taylors were pretty epic. AND THEN OF COURSE, the resemblance to ‘Pretty Little Liars,’ a show I am still mourning. It made me wonder… is Taylor Swift A? Is this the teaser trailer for the PLL movie? TAYLOR SWIFT IS DEFINITELY A. THIS IS A GAME-CHANGER.
Here are 10 signs Taylor was A the whole time. Who agrees?
1. Her ‘show’ starts with a cheesy ass beat in an actual graveyard in true PLL fashion.
2. Girl can dig herself out of a grave.
3. She’s dressed to the nines covering up a grave with dirt in a cemetery.
4. If you fuck with her, SHE WILL GET REVENGE.
5. She’s got a list of names. She might even have a LAIR of names.
6. She sits on a throne getting fed tea by snakes, as did A, metaphorically or literally, we still don’t know.
7. SHE RUNS A SQUAD OF LITERAL MINIONS. The video says ‘U SQUAD’ but we all know this is really the ‘A SQUAD.’
8. There are mannequins everywhere. They’re like her dolls and they end up getting damaged AF.
9. She’s got minions wearing masks.
10. “I don’t trust nobody and nobody trust me.” Classic A line.
11. She communicates by a really old telephone. Classic A move.
12. She’s a great liar. She pretended she couldn’t dance, but she could, THE WHOLE TIME.
13. She played the victim for a long ass time, but now she’s done.
14. The old her is dead.
SHE DOES.
