St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner and this weekend begins the “St. Patty’s Pub Craws” for many cities. The problem: Should you even go this year? Are you too old? Would you rather sleep?


Yeah, probably. But, like, some of your friends are going… But you don’t really want to… But you’ve done it the past four years… But you have so many errands to run! Ugh, decisions. LUCKILY, we’re here to help your decide. Here are 10 signs you’re too old for the St. Patty’s bar crawl:

1. Drinking in the morning? You can’t do that. You have to work out and run errands first.


2. No one wants to host a pre-game party because their apartments are too nice. Meet at the bar? Nah, I’m good.


3. You actually don’t even understand why anyone would want to pre-game for day drinking anymore, even though that’s the only way you used to day drink.


4. None of your friends want to go. Bar crawl events such as this one used to mean 20-30 of your closest friends would get together and RAGE, but now you have maybe 3 friends that would do such a thing, and that’s not a big enough crowd to get you off the couch.


5. You’re embarrassed to tell anyone at work that you would do such a thing.

Lol, false.

6. Your diet does not permit such activity without gaining at least 3-5 pounds. Calories bad. Couch good. We all know what will happen when you get the drunk munchies…


7. You have absolutely no tolerance anymore, so if you start drinking at noon you’ll probably be passed out in bed by 3pm. And then spend the next day hungover. Now you’ve wasted your entire weekend. Fuck.


8. You don’t have anything to wear to it and you definitely don’t want to waste your money on stuff you’ll only wear once.


9. Crowded bars now give you anxiety.


10. You are closer in age to 30 than you are to 21. Do you really want to the pub crawl parent? Like, people might think you’re a chaperone.



Disclosure: You don’t have to skip the bar crawl if you are too old. I, myself, am still thinking about “stopping by” the one in my city. At least I know though… 



Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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