I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t hang like I used to in college. I look back on going out for one of the biggest party weekends of the year, Halloweekend, and wonder how I didn’t die.
Now, if I drank for three consecutive days my hangover would last a week. That is how I know I’m getting too old for this crap. So although I don’t think I’m too old to celebrate maybe one night of Halloween (right?), I am pretty sure my days of binge drinking for Halloweekend are over.
Here are 10 signs you are getting too old to RAGE for Halloweekend too.
1. The idea of putting on any clothes besides sweatpants sounds simply awful. Those cliché nurse and cop costumes were never comfortable or flattering anyway… What were we thinking?!
2. The only drinking game you’re interested in playing involves being by yourself and taking a sip of wine every time an Elsa or Iron Man come trick-or-treating at your apartment door. CANDY IS NOW WINE, HELP.
3. You’d rather save the money you could be spending on costumes for, like, wine and clothes. When did I become financially responsible?
4. You know there are better things you could be doing during the entirety of Halloweekend. Like claim your $3 boo-rito at Chipotle… duh.
5. You roll your eyes at your younger siblings’ posts on Facebook and Instagram from their Halloweekend celebrations. All you can think is, “they’re going to regret that one day.” And “did I just see a nipple?”
6. The idea of getting hit on at a dive bar by a Darth Vader or a “doctor” makes you cringe. This shit is sketchy, right? Where is my real life McDreamy?
7. You would much rather binge on sugar cookies and a Halloween-themed movie marathon than vodka. Did someone say HOCUS POCUS?
8. You would rather not see someone in a ridiculous costume puke outside the club after a night filled with pumpkin flavored beverages. Nor would you want to be that person anymore, because you once were. *Cringe*
9. Related: The only pumpkin flavored beverage I want right now is a Pumpkin Spiced Latte. Okay, or maybe a glass of pumpkin spiced wine on my couch. #Goals
10. And finally, last but not least….why would you want to get dressed up when you can dress up your dog or cat and post hilarious pictures on Instagram? Who needs a skimpy costume and a night full of regret when you can dress your dog up like a taco and Snapchat the shit out of it? This is how you Halloween now, guys.
