This past weekend I took my first trip to Atlantic City from Boston. After a 6 hour car ride of holding in pee while waiting in traffic, my boyfriend and I finally arrived. We stayed at Harrah’s in the waterfront tower and obv felt like ballers with our awesome view. The baller-like feeling continued as we gambled away our savings, ate away our feelings, and drove around in limos. And we stood right next to Kim Kardashian. NBD.

The view.

During my 3 day stay in AC, I learned a lot about the place. And not the actual city – that place is absolutely disgusting and I am happy to be alive after driving through it in cabs to get to the boardwalk and back. For those from Boston, it’s like Mattapan on crack. Scary. But in the resorts (and at the beach bars), AC is fine. In fact, it’s glorious. Especially when the Gronkowski brothers are sleeping a few floors away from you. Here are 10 things I learned while gallivanting in Atlantic City during Memorial Day Weekend:

1. People in Jersey love big hoop earings. Why? I don’t know. While sitting at the pool, I watched 6 girls walk in front of me to retrieve lounge chairs… And each were wearing large, silver, hoop earings… like each one of them. And later at the club (Harrah’s The Pool After Dark) I watched far too many girls with large hoop earings and tight, cheap dressings stroll by me. UGH.

2. Quit while you’re ahead. Gambling is not ideal for a recent grad living on an entry-level salary, but hey – when you’re in Vegas AC, you kind of have to gamble throw away all your money. I’ve learned in the past not to play slots. They are boring, I don’t understand them, and most people who play them are fat and smoke cigarettes (no thanks). So this time, my boyfriend and I decided to play blackjack. At first I was like WTF. But then, I understood what was going on… Eventually we were up 250 dollars (high rollers). So what did we do? We kept playing until we lost all that money and then… 200 more. Oops. The next day we went back to what we thought was our lucky table to lose even more money. We won that money back though… but decided not to try to win back the other losses. At least we know now… quit while you’re ahead.

3. The beach is fucking freezing. Although it is hot by the pool, that does not mean it will be hot by the ocean. I legit would have sweat dripping down my legs and then would drive 2 miles closer to the ocean and start shaking. Part of this may have had to do with the fact that I had sun poisoning, but whatever… The girls bartending at the beach bars had to wear bikinis. Just straight up bikinis. I was shivering in a cardigan. Props to them.

4. Revel is awesome. Revel is a brand new casino that opened this past weekend in AC. It is absolutely gorgeous and extremely modern. Very Vegas-like. They even have burlesque dancers half-naked dancing on tables. And they don’t charge you for red bull vodkas in the casino. Score.

5. People love Kim Kardashian. I guess I never realized how many guidos (and guidettes) loved Kim Kardashian. She was ‘hosting’ a party at the casino we were staying at (Harrah’s) at the infamous Pool After Dark (which is, like, the coolest place ever). They closed the pool at 3pm, which was good because I had already developed sun poisoning, and they kicked everyone out unless you paid $50, wore a tight cheap dress and sunglasses (inside), and brought a string bikini in your crossbody bag. Not even kidding. Totally not my scene. The party started at 3pm and went until 4am. By midnight the club was packed and so was the hotel lobby… Actually more like the entire hotel. Kim didn’t show up until around 1am. I was there, though, standing right next to her at one point right outside the club. And I didn’t even have to pay 50 dollars.

The crowds of people waiting for Kim to walk by...
My BF's shot of Kim after sitting down playing Madden on his phone while everyone waited for her to walk by.

6. Yards of alcohol look fun, until your drink gets all over you while trying to finish it. I’ve hard yard margaritas before… My most memorable being one in the Bahamas… but I don’t think I’ve ever had such a problem finishing it before. While sitting at this beach bar surrounded by drunken, shirtless men and dancing girls, I drank my yard margarita through a straw while shivering due to alcohol poisoning and a sea breeze. Soon enough, I couldn’t drink it through the straw anymore (they really need to invest in some longer straws…), so my only choice was to drink it straight up from the top. Of course, this led to me spilling the majority of remaining rita all over my dress. Class act.

7. All guidos wear sunglasses inside. People watching was at it’s prime in Harrah’s this past Sunday night. Jersey’s finest guidos were either attending the club Kim Kardashian would be appearing at… and the cheap ones were standing around the hotel waiting to catch a glimpse of Kim walking by ($50 cover? no thanks). I of course got caught up in the hype… and the crowds of people were not allowing me to get to the elevator, so I stayed and watched everything around me. And let me tell you – I have never seen so many guidos walk by with sunglasses on inside. They were short. They were jacked. They were wearing graphic tees. They looked fake. The best was when 4 of them walked by in a straight line all wearing sunglasses. What do these sunglasses do, boys? WHAT DO THEY DO?

8. Some limos will drive you around for 15 dollars. My boyfriend and I were waiting outside Caesar’s Palace trying to get a cab. We waited so long that we made friends with another couple… and before we knew it, a limo driver rolled down his windows and asked where we were going. Umm, okay. We asked how much it would be. Fifteen dollars. Ha. We got in and casually rolled up to our hotel in a limo.

9. There is more than one tanning mom. So obviously the tanning mom is from Jersey… but she is not the only one. They are everywhere! They are dark. They are wrinkly. And they frequent casinos. While tanning on the sun deck at our hotel, I sat next to one (a tanning mom). I don’t know why she was even bothering to tan. Her skin looked like it was about to fall off. Literally. I could feel the heat coming off of her. Not okay.

10. Electronic black jack is not okay. I know you win sometimes, because we did, but this game is totally rigged. Are you kidding? You want us to bet hundreds of dollars on a computer game? Yeaaaaah okay. No thanks. But we did it anyway. At first we were up by $250… but then before we knew it we were losing every hand. It was out of control. We should have stopped after the 20th angry casino go-er came up to the table and asked where the real tables were – and complained that this game was rigged. As first time gamblers-not-at-slots we didn’t know. But now we do. Electronic games where the computer chooses what you win are NOT okay.

Help me... I'm poor.

So we might have lost some money, but the vacation was totally worth it. Next time, I would definitely stay longer than 2 nights… I live 6 hours away so there was a lot to do in such a short amount of time. And by the time we got back (after 8 hours of traffic!), we were dead. Not to mention, we had to go to struggle at work the next day. My recommendations: We had amazing food at Luke Palladino’s one of the nights. Like, amazing. There was this pesto dish that blew Trader Joe’s pesto tortellini bowl out of the water (and that’s, like, one of my favorite things to eat!).

As for recommendations… I don’t recommend getting massages from random Asians on the boardwalk… but my boyfriend would. I do recommend going to Revel – that place is unreal. And I do recommend getting wasted at the beach bars. For the sole reason that crazy beach bars exist that you don’t have to drive to, I would go back to AC every weekend if I could. RAGE. If you’ve been to AC, what recommendations do you have for 20-somethings looking for a good time?


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.


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