Author: Lauren Certo

1. Standardized Tests Don’t Mean Shit
Okay first off, does anyone even know their purpose other than to stress us the fuck out?  In 10th grade, I failed the math section in a standardized test and my teachers swore that this would affect my college education if I didn’t retake the math section and pass with flying colors.  I was urged to get tutors, study, take practice tests, etc. but like so many other times in high school…I ignored everyone.  I retook the test and passed, and I have a strong feeling that on my college applications no one noticed that I didn’t pass that test the first time.

2. Some Teachers Really Do Shape Your Future
There are some diamonds in the rough that actually will change your life and make you see and think in a different way. I’m looking at you Mrs. McKay…

3. Bullies Never Win In The End
Bullies suck.  Plain and simple and not to sound like an old hag BUT when I was young–there were no “It Gets Better” videos or Lady Gaga being my best friend because I’m gay–it was just deal with it.  They really do fucking suck, but knowing and seeing the people who were bullies in high school pumping gas and fathering 4 kids already makes it a little more satisfying.

4. Prom Is Not A Big Deal
It was the end of the world if someone had your dress, but looking back–prom was lame.  Going to a local hotel to bump and grind while that math teacher you hated hawks you out thinking god knows what…  And 90 percent of the girls I know now say they spent part of their prom in the bathroom consoling a crying friend… and I will admit – junior prom I was that chick crying in the toilet.

5. Have a Plan F.
Life plans go to shit..they just do.  So just make sure when it comes to your career and for life you have a back up for your back up plan.

6. You Have No Idea How Gorgeous You Were 
You’re gorgeous at eighteen, so shut the fuck up.

7. Be A Black Sheep in a Sea of White
You will spend the rest of your life trying to be different and stick out in some way—so get a head of the game and start young.  Realizing you are different and unique in a good way will help you go places in life.

8. No One Cares If You Were Homecoming Queen
Speaking as someone who was on homecoming/prom court and that it was the high point in my life–there are so many other stories and memories that will occur later in life that will hold way more weight.  Homecoming Queen is not on my resume, but maybe if I walked into an interview with my tiara on it would help.

9. A Bad Grade, Bad Decision, Bad SAT Score Will Not Define You
My SAT scores were shit, and I’ll be the first to admit that I am a horrible test taker.  I never slept the night before my SAT’s (which I took 3 fucking times) because I knew that they would determine the rest of my life.  I made so many stupid decisions and worried so much about my future but in reality, it was always ME that was going to determine the rest of my life. Yes, everyone has to take the SAT’s and get good grades and that all sucks about 90 percent of the time but when it comes to college–if you love and want to go there, it will all work itself out despite shit scores.

10. You Won’t Be Best Friends Forever
Newsflash: all eighteen girls who were on the field hockey team with you will not be friends with you ten years down the road.  But the ones that matter from high school, the girls that were there for you when you snuck out of the house… the ones that you shared endless amounts of laughter… the ones that you cheated off homework from while walking to class… those are the forever friends.


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