1. They start getting shorter.

It used to be a week. Then it was a month. Now it’s just a two day break, maybe. What’s up with this shit, real world?


2. They also get more stressful.

Literally, with each year, the holidays become a more stressful time. Work is busy. Life is busy. You hate everyone. There’s all of this food to eat, but you don’t want to gain weight. You have no money, but you have to find money to spend. You hate everyone. With each year, you turn a darker shade of green as you approach Grinch status. For real. YOU. HATE. EVERYONE.


3. You develop a different idea of what home is.

Home used to be your parent’s house. Now home is your mediocre apartment in an okay part of the city. Home is also the place where you can relax with a bottle of wine on the couch, (sweat)pants or no pants.


4. You don’t exactly “go home” for the holidays anymore.

Instead of calling it “going home” you call it “making an appearance at your parent’s house,” or if you live far away from your parents, you stay over your parent’s house in which you feel like an awkward guest. You either sleep in your twin bed, which is creaky as fuck and also does not allow you to starfish which is automatically a huge issue… or you have to sleep on a couch because your bedroom is no longer your bedroom because, well, you moved out. And you’re also kind of old now. If you still live at home, then I guess it’s your home still, but that must suck explaining to all those relatives you see during the holidays right? UGH.


5. You start to get less and less presents.

However, you’re expected to get more and more presents for other people. When did this start to happen? Just because you are making money you’re supposed to spend it on other people? Ummmm no thanks. Give me what I want bitches and let me be.


6. You spend more money each year.

On gifts, parties, booze, and other random shit you’re not even sure WHY you’re spending money on. And then you have to figure out HOW you’re going to pay December’s and January’s rent. But seriously. Why did you just spend your entire savings accounts on gifts? How are you supposed to pay rent when you have to spend the minimal amount of money you have left on wine? HOW?!!??!


7. Each year, the holidays become more “couple-y.”

Everyone is getting engaged and doing things in pairs. And you have a plus one at every holiday event. Like, when did the holidays become this never-ending wedding? GAG ME WITH A SPOON.


8. If single, you start to feel bad about it as each year goes on.

At first, you embraced being single over the holidays because having a sig-oth wasn’t cool, but now with all of these plus one parties, the pressure to impress and show you’re an adult who is actually growing up is on. You’d also like someone who wouldn’t mind hanging out on the couch with you, as you have zero interest in leaving your house anymore (and also no where to go since everyone else is busy with their sig-oths) and you don’t want to spend the holidays alone. Sigh. You’re getting closer to 30. Sigh.


9. You go from having more holiday ragers in your schedule to having more classy holiday work events. 

When did you become so grown up? I remember when the holidays meant blacking out in some slutty green and red sequin-tastic outfit. Now, they’re filled with LBDs, faux smiles, and longing to be home on the couch watching Netflix. #Help


10. Your friends become more and more like family over the holidays. 

They basically ARE family. They annoy you like no other but for some reason you love them anyway. Because of that, you plan endless holiday events with them. I mean, there’s no one else you’d rather spend your time with, other than your real family. You have no patience for the randoms at the bar anymore. Oh my god, listen to me. SO THIS IS WHAT GETTING OLD FEELS LIKE…



Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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