1. They saw you wolf down late night pizza approximately 4 times a week and never judged. 2am pizza wasn’t a treat. It was a way of life. Here’s a big FUCK YOU to anyone who thought otherwise.


2. They saw you bring home people that you should not have brought home. Whether it was a guy who clearly only wanted you as a booty call, your friend’s ex, or your own ex, they know your entire sexual (or non-sexual, lol) history. And anyone you have the balls to hook up with an ex in front of is a friend for life. Especially when they yell at you after.


3. They know other bad things you did, and although they judged (and judged hard), they are still your friend. Cheating on your boyfriend? They saw it. Sneaking out to hook up with some douche bag? They saw it. Random hookup from last night that you wanted to keep a secret? They saw him in the bathroom the next morning. Weird.


4. They know how good you are at drinking. Or “were.” How good you were at drinking. And beer pong. And flip cup. And chugging handles of Captain Morgan. You swear you used to be able to DRINK SO MUCH. I mean, you used to funnel beers!!! Times are a changin’ and they know your super cool badass past.


5. You most like traveled somewhere with them. Whether it was living abroad or living in another part of the country OR going on a black out trip to the Bahamas, you’ve explored somewhere new with them – and that’s a special bond you can’t ever break.

What happens on Spring Break, stays on Spring Break.
What happens on Spring Break, stays on Spring Break.

6. They have seen you naked. Whether you pulled down the pants to pee outside and they saw your vagine, or you enjoyed walking around the dorm in your underwear, OR you got really drunk one night and your friends had to undress and then dress you, they’ve seen it all. There’s no going back now.


7. They have seen you cry. And then they made you smile. THX.


8. They have seen you puke. Perhaps in your bed, on top of yourself, in which you missed a fire alarm while passed out in it. Idk, just a story I heard from a friend… But anyway, they didn’t hold back your hair… They were most likely puking right next to you. GET IT.


9. They understand you when no one else does AKA when you’re drunk and slurring your words. You slurred your words in college more than you didn’t, making drunk your first language. It’s fine.


10. You will always have an infinite amount of people to stalk and make fun of. There’s always conversation around other alumni’s misfortunes, and also fortunes.


11. You can actually always be yourself around them. No feeling awkward or trying to be someone you’re not. You can tell them anything and act like your real weird, crazy self… Because that wasn’t something you could hide 24/7 in college. Cats out of the bag — You’re a fucking freak (in and out of the sheets).


13. You spent so much time with them that they are more like siblings than friends. You love them, but you also hate them. THE BEST FRIENDSHIP EVER! If you love someone who also annoys the fuck out of you occasionally, you know you’ve got something special. <3



Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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