Tinder is an app that has become one of the most common ways our generation uses to meet people. For most of us, it’s failed, but we may have gotten a few interesting stories out of it. For example, my shoe fell off at the end of a date, making me a real life Tinderella (or in reality, just a drunk mess).
Tinder has a science to it. There are guys that are either going to go left or they are going to go right. And there are different types of guys as well that live up to their photos and bios.
1. Mr. DTF – Obviously this is the first guy on this list. The guy who’s on Tinder purely to get some ass. It’s tacky, it’s insulting, but that’s what you’re asking for by being on Tinder in the first place.
2. Beast Mode – Mirror pics galore. This guy takes care of his body and wants you to know that. They are usually also DTF.
3. The Animal/Kid Lover – This guy’s goal is for you to know that he is a total sweetheart. You know he’s faking it to get in your pants, but it’s almost impressive that he’s put in the effort to take so many pictures with his relatives dogs.
4. The Bro – If he’s not in a frat, he wants you to think so. His pictures all take place at parties and IF he is wearing a shirt, it doesn’t have sleeves. Do you even get swipes, bro?
5. The Fisher – This guy caught you a delicious bass (Yes, I still quote Napoleon Dynamite from time to time). What is the point of this photo? Are we supposed to want a man that can find food for us? Is it “country boy” charm? I thought boots and an occasional cowboy hat were enough.
6. TMI Timmy – You know his life story before you swipe. And if he’s cute enough to get a right swipe, you’ll get to hear his bio all over, along with hearing every detail about his day. Beware, they tend to be the ones that will message you 5 weeks after you made it clear you are ignoring them.
7. Waldo – You have no idea what this guy looks like, and that’s because he posts group pictures. Sure there’s a few cute guys in the pictures. But you finally get to the last photo which happens to be a selfie. Yep, it’s the one ugly guy. If I have to search for you and guess who you are, I don’t care to put in the effort, LEFT SWIPE!
8. The Ghost – They message you and you get along great! You may even talk for a couple of weeks and plan to meet up. Then BAM out of nowhere they disappear. It makes no sense, you had a great conversation the last time you talked. I just shrug it off and tell myself they died. #hairflip
9. Cradle Robber/Jail Bait – Their age says 26, and you may swipe right and not read their bio until it’s a match or they message you. But wait a minute, why does it say he’s really 19 in his bio? Abort mission. ABORT MISSION.
10. The “Family” Man – Often times, their bio specifies that their picture with that hot chick all over them is their sister. I’m sorry, I barely touch my brother to pose for a picture. He either is a liar, or has some other SERIOUS problems. Either way, just swipe left.
11. The One That Got Away – You kind of start zoning out and continue swiping left. But….WAIT! He was beautiful! He probably was a good guy too. And you just lost your chance of fate finding your husband. Game over. Sulk over this for ten minutes with a tub of ice cream as you continue swiping.
12. Sensitive Sam – He’s on here looking for a soul mate. Sure you’re on here looking for a potential boyfriend rather than some douche bag one night stand like most of the guys on here. But he’s an automatic creep. Who lists their likes and dislikes in a partner on their BIO? He clearly has some problems you don’t need to deal with.
13. The One You Don’t Remember Swiping Right – He kind of just pops up as a match. Did a friend grab your phone and start swiping to be an ass? (I do that.) Or did you just space it? If he’s decent looking, you may not unmatch, and it can go one of two ways: a decent conversation, or a BAD pickup line.
14. The weirdo –They are trying to portray themselves as really funny. Posting odd pictures. It’s just creepy really. My theory is that they aren’t attractive. LEFT!
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